Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Help. He won’t introduce me to his kids.

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  • #1035035 Reply

    I have been dating a guy for over a year. We met online but I don’t think either of us thought we’d find someone. I am a widow and he was going through a 2.5 year custody battle. Long story short, we fell in love. He met my kids 6 months in and they adore him. He will not tell his kids about me or my kids. He hides us. My kids 12 and 15 are starting to question it frequently. It also hurts me to not be a part of his life.
    We have blow out fights and never find a solution. I just feel once we take the next step things will get easier. Should I walk away?

    #1035037 Reply

    He isn’t serious about the relationship, and he doesn’t respect you or your kids if he’s hiding them. He may not be in a good headspace after his recent custody battle, but that doesn’t justify treating you and your kids badly. This is not healthy for you or your kids. Set a good example for them, find someone who is happy about all of you.

    #1035160 Reply

    Are you sure he’s going through a custody battle? Are you sure he’s actually divorced or getting divorced? If true, maybe he’s seeing other people and doesn’t want to risk custody if his kids spill how many women he’s seeing.

    But let’s say that he is divorced/getting divorced. And let’s say that he is in the middle of a terrible custody battle. And let’s say that his ex would blow her top and make things extra difficult for him if she knew he was moving on. If you meeting the kids will make his life harder, specifically because his ex is irrational, possessive, litigative and otherwise unpleasant, then why do you need him to blow up his world?

    And if you can’t possibly live under these terms, which is understandable, then you need to move on.

    #1035162 Reply

    He’s not available. Could be because he’s married, could be the custody battle, could be any other reason you don’t know about. He’s not available.

    Break up.

    #1035164 Reply

    I agree with above. Either he’s not divorced, has multiple girlfriends, or his ex will make a difficult custody battle even harder. What reason does he give when you argue about it? If you can’t accept the relationship how it is right now, move on

    #1035165 Reply

    I think you should be more careful about introducing your kids to men that you are dating.

    Regardless of that, he can’t or doesn’t want to take the next step. I don’t know if hat has to do with his custody issues or if there’s something else.

    #1035166 Reply

    “ He will not tell his kids about me or my kids. He hides us. ”

    I’m curious as to the reasons he gives why not. What’s his explanation? Anything at all compelling, or no?

    The thing is, you two are not on the same page. I think yes, you should walk away. When things are this hard a year in, they don’t get better or easier. Moving in together, if that’s what you mean by “next step,” even if he agreed to it, would just exacerbate your problems. Don’t take something to the next level that’s not working. Unfortunately this isn’t going anywhere.

    #1035169 Reply

    Eh… NEWSFLASH; whenever one starts to have blow out fights —- it’s simply time to move on. No matter what the fight is about… Enough already. Yawn.

    #1035181 Reply
    avatarKate B.

    This should be Relationship 101: If your SO keeps your relationship a secret, break up. Also, this from Maya Angelou: When a man shows you who he is the first time, believe him. This is who he is. He will not change. The next step should be you leaving and not looking back.

    #1035183 Reply

    As you can see from the comments, more information is needed. What are his reasons? They may or may not be valid.

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