From a LW:

“My boyfriend and I just moved into together. Before I moved in, he had some boundaries issues but not dramatic, “I miss you so much.” After I moved in, I started to see changes in his behavior. He began assuming I was inviting another guy over, talking to another guy on the phone, or just implied there was always another guy. It is offensive because I have not cheated and do not condone the behavior. I have reassured him this isn’t the case. I allow him to go through my phone at any moment because I have nothing to hide. However, he sees this as a breach of personal trust. But he still continues to mistrust me in person or over text. If I show up to school early and massage him, his response, “so you left to meet a guy… “or he makes the excuse he is in his head too much. He works the third shift and always seems to overthink while at work. I am in nursing school I have to focus on the material being taught. I gave in to his constant attention and failed my first exams. I am trying to turn my focus back to school, and he thinks I don’t love him, or he’s back to thinking…. Again. I get text responding, “I’m just thinking…” typically means he imagines a scenario that never occurred of me cheating.
The text I have become very accustomed to: “Make sure he leaves before I get home”, he this and he that… “this activity is sus”

Well I don’t look at his behavior as “sus” because I don’t look at the world as if everyone is lying or cheating. I believe in everyone until being proven they don’t deserve my trust. Not the other way around. Which is hard for me to wrap my head around. I can’t imagine looking at everyone as liars.

For example, Last night, I was focused on studying Pharmacology, and I got a text suggesting there was another guy because I turned off my Facebook activity. (A earlier fight because I didn’t respond fast enough when my FB activity showed I was active. FYI I somethings scowl aimlessly through FB to give my head a break from the constant studying) I told him why I turned it off – referring to the previous argument. Telling him, I was sick of being monitored. He claimed my FB activity had been on and off throughout the past few days. However, I turned it off after the argument before and never turned it back on. Then he agreed he was overstepping, apologized, then continued to text me that he was sorry, loved me, and couldn’t wait to be home to see me. Fast forward to the morning. I am in bed; I feel him snuggle with me for a while, then got up. I have a meeting with my professor to go over the material from the exam at 9 am. I stretched, pulled the blanket up, looked down at my phone to check the time, looked up, and said “good morning” to my boyfriend standing in the doorway. Before I could get my greeting fully out, he already assumed I was hiding something. I got livid. I just woke up; why WHY is he still thinking I am cheating. I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. I yelled at him because I couldn’t control the honest anger of getting accused of nothing again. Constantly being put on the spot for cheating will break you down because it never happened. I am afraid to have friends let alone guy friends, for fear of being accused of cheating. He leaves silently and sits in the laundry room(a place he goes to be alone after attempting to leave. I didn’t force him to stay). At this point, I am mad that the first thing I experience in the morning is being accused of cheating. Then getting the silent treatment like he has nothing else to say to me. At this point, I’ll settle with, excuse my language, a f***ing apology. I sit with him in the laundry room after collecting myself. Remind him that I genuinely love him but am frustrated with the constant fighting over whether I am loyal. I am not leaving. I never thought of leaving. I want the constant assuming there is someone to stop. I will not cheat.

He texted me after the meeting before I could eat lunch, “I know you’re busy, but will you snuggle with me for a while” I went in and snuggled him, reassuring him I will not leave. I laid there an hour. He began rubbing me which I honestly don’t enjoy like a guy enjoys being rubbed. I don’t have the heart to tell him with the fear of being put in the scenario of cheating again. I just told him, “babe, I need to study. He turned away from me and replied, “I am just thinking….” I am now typing this instead of reviewing pharm to get everything out. Just because I don’t want sex at the moment doesn’t mean I don’t find him attractive or don’t want sex. I just honestly need to pass my classes. Which is all I can think about… When I am not stressed or constantly being accused, I can focus on sex.”