Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

help! should i marry a guy who has kids?!

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice help! should i marry a guy who has kids?!

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 58 total)
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  • #872393
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    My apologies! Learning a new language is an honorable pursuit! Americans are very deficient when it comes to knowing multiple languages. I admire anyone who knows more than one language

    #872851
    avatarIndigo
    Guest

    I would strongly suggest checking out steptalk.org. It’s a massive resource from people who have actually lived through that. Personally, a man, our chemistry, and our love would have to be as close to perfect as possible for me to accept his children into my home and life. Step kids can really make a person’s life hell to the point where the term “skids” was created. And if you want children of your own, you have to consider resources. I have seen it work and you don’t want to miss out on a soulmate or treasurable life partner. But you also don’t want your life to become tainted by his baggage. Best of luck!

    #872862
    avatarIndigo
    Guest

    And when I say step kids can really make someone’s life hell, I mean it. You have to be very cautious before giving your life to that situation. In the least, they may weaponize their parent’s unconditional love for them in a way that perpetually makes you a villain in your own home. There are stepparents who have had to deal with false malicious accusations that can truly ruin your livelihood. You have to ask yourself if this man is truly worth dealing with the ex because he’s forever tethered to her. So if she’s not amicable or straight up bitter and vengeful, that’s going to spill over into your life. Should you proceed, make sure you’re not being shortchanged and made to feel like a second class citizen in your life for the sake of his previous relationship.

    #873020

    Wow, indigo. Just wow.

    #873031
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    Wow, Indigo is really lighting up the forums with some sexist bullshit and terrible advice. A Sampling: Single mothers have “lower market value” because dudes dont want to deal with other men’s seed. Oh, also, they have torn up vaginas. Dudes are right to get controlling and jealous about being friendly with someone you *gasp* met on a dating app prior to knowing them. Stepchildren can make a woman’s life a living hell and this why they, as a class, have earned the distinction of “skids” likening them to literal shit stains. Just…wow.

    #873038
    avatarAllornone
    Guest

    As a stepkid to two of the most wonderful people I’ve known, I really resent that remark. I admit I was a brat to my stepdad for maybe a year. I was ten years old, only saw my mother every other weekend, and really still believed my highly-incompatible parents would get back together. I was a stupid kid. By eleven, I realized that my stepdad was actually pretty awesome and made things better. He loves me like a daughter; I love him like a second father. My dad didn’t get remarried until I was 20 and much wiser, so I’ve always treated her with the respect (and later love) she deserved. We’ve become very close and I know I’m a source of comfort to her (my dad can be a handful). Heck, I treat her better than her own damn kids.

    Yes, there are of bad step kids, a lot of bad step-parents as well, but those broad strokes Indigo was throwing out vex me.

    #873042

    I don’t think there are bad step kids, I think there are many brought up in bad circumstances and are acting out. Blame the parents, not the kids.

    #873074
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    I do believe there can be ‘bad’ step kids but usually only if the relationship starts when the kids are already adults and they act out ridiculously. Mostly though it does tend to indicate their parent is no great prize either.

    #873105
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    “Step kids can really make a person’s life hell to the point where the term “skids” was created. And if you want children of your own, you have to consider resources. I have seen it work and you don’t want to miss out on a soulmate or treasurable life partner. But you also don’t want your life to become tainted by his baggage. Best of luck!”

    What a thing to say about kids.

    #873108
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Best of luck!

    #873116
    avatarIndigo
    Guest

    Don’t get me wrong; we are all insufferable brats at some point during our growth and personal progression.But for a stepparent, the difference is that innate biological link and instant love…the return investment is different. I’m just being honest. I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings.

    It’s easy to say “Love them like they’re your own” but I’ve read plenty of vulnerable experiences where stepparents state that’s damn near impossible if the stepchild is an exhausting burden who dismantles dreams and nostalgic hopes. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Nobody grows up envisioning their happily ever after with the intense, demanding responsibility of children from a previous relationship and there are genuine reasons for that. That’s just the honest truth. This forum isn’t a beauty pageant; I’m not here to make besties and gain likes, I’m here to help the original poster

    #873146
    avatarIndigo
    Guest

    @golfer.gal It’s not just single mothers; if you do enough digging, you’ll find a plethora of women warning other women not to date single fathers. *Most of them married to single fathers.* And this is because too many single parents want someone who will accept being treated like a second class citizen in their own private life with the whole “My child comes first” concept equating to “You are inferior to the needs of my child and leftover family.” That is not something anyone ever formulates into their ideal love life and that’s just the honest to God truth. No one wants to deal with a child who weaponizes their parent’s unconditional love and is in denial about their parents not belonging together. And NO ONE wants an ongoing burden of their SO’s ex wanting to screw their significant other/rekindle a dead bond with the advantage of permanent access due to a child. They might be your little precious bundle of joy but someone childless might see them as your ex’s mini or not appreciate the little stuff like them feeling entitled to your bedroom because it’s apart of their father’s house. Unless you’re in a certain age bracket, having a child from a previous relationship effects anyone’s market value. It means you’re likely to come with a neverending headache.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 58 total)
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