Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Help with my Self-esteem

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  • #850175 Reply

    Hey All,
    I have never been a very confident person. I have always been quiet shy and reserved and never wanted to be in the spot light.
    In the past couple of years my self confidence has disappeared and my insecurities eat me alive more than i would like to admit.
    Close friends/ Family would say that my last relationship did not help this and infact was the reason for me being so insecure now.
    I have been willing to accept far less that what i deserved and have been treated fairly badly because of it and i am tired of it now.
    As soon as i feel as though i am getting smehwere and feel remotely confident in myself, i fall right back here and im probably at my lowest possible.
    How do you build on your self esteem?

    #850178 Reply

    You are not alone if that makes you feel better….I really liked the tips on this website:
    The link is basically 10 things you can do for yourself to start building self esteem.

    #850186 Reply

    Get really good at something you like, and do that thing a lot.

    #850193 Reply

    I’d like to say that being quiet, shy and reserved is not the same as lacking confidence. I was a shy, quiet, reserved child and I was very confident. The same for my daughter.

    Being shy, quiet and reserved is just a different way of approaching the world than an extroverted, highly social person does. For me it means I stand back and take in a situation before getting into it. I like to observe first. I take my time getting to know people.

    I have two kids. My son was always very outgoing and social. People tended to like him immediately. I would also see him jump into social situations before he knew what was happening and they wouldn’t go so well. I do gets lots of compliments on how much people like him.

    My daughter is the quiet, shy, reserved one. She takes her time getting into social situations. She makes friends more slowly. I get far fewer compliments about her. But, for all of that, she has more friends than my son and they are better friends. She is picky about friends and social situations.

    I hope no one has picked on you for being shy, quiet and reserved. I hope no one has acted like it is a character flaw. It isn’t. It’s a way of interacting with the world. It has it’s own strengths and it’s own weaknesses, just like being socially outgoing has strengths and weaknesses.

    #850194 Reply

    Have you considered seeing a therapist? The relationship you mention- was it abusive? I think a therapist could be a good idea because they can help get to the root of your self esteem issues and help you work on building it. Other than that, you should try to spend time with people who make you feel good, do things you enjoy, and take it easy on yourself. Catch yourself when you’re thinking negatively and try to shut those thoughts down. They aren’t serving you.

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