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Help with understanding

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This topic contains 68 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by SavannahAnna SavannahAnna 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #794680 Reply
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    Ràul

    I have been in a relationship with a cech girl for over a year now. I cannot help but feel that she’s in this relationship for money. There has been a lot of ups and downs we had thought where we broke up and got back together again. I have caught her lying a few times but she just covers it up by saying she doesn’t trust me although I cannot understand why. Right now, she’s staying in her ex’s house as she has a child with him. I have been indirectly asking so many times to move in with me. She gives me excuses like, it’s too far where my house is, as I live 32 miles away. Although I said to her, when ever she wants to see her boy ill take her or bring the boy in our house. I even offered to get her boy with us, but she wants him to stay with his dad. Right now she put me I’m a very big dilemma where I feel again she’s using me for money. Up until now I have paid for the boys tv £400, his bed £350 And numerous other things, even though non of them live with me. I have bought a new house because she always said she wanted a house with land, she’s into that as she was bought up in a farm in her country. I feel she’s now striking a deal with me, she says she’ll move in with me in our new house once I help her pay for her boys room to be completed in her ex’s house as he cannot afford it. When I said, you can do that once you’ve moved in with me, she refuses saying she wants it done first for her peace of mind. She knows I’m in well, I cannot do anything right now as I am in hospital, having said that she never came to even see me once. When o speak with my friends, they all say at this stage your partner has to be with you, but she’s happily staying at her ex’s. She asks me to trust her but she being there is already driving me nuts, on top of that I feel, once I pay for her boys room to be done she can tell me to leave again like she has done countless times even after me doing all that for her boy. She implies I do not care for him, where as I do. I am so confused, am I wrong in wanting my partner to be with me? Am I wrong to feel insecure to why she wouldn’t move out of her ex’s house? Am I wrong in feeling she’ll just get the money and cause another argument and leave? Am I really not understanding her or am I just being weak?

    #794763 Reply
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    ron

    Her ex is her real bf and you’re the fool who sends her money.

    #794769 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You are being used for your money. Quit giving her money and she will quit using you and quit pretending that you are her boyfriend. She will always have reasons to not move in with you.

    #794772 Reply
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    Ràul

    That’s is what I’ve been thinking, but I was just curious am I not understanding her or am I being too possessive etc. Am I wrong in wanting her to be with me? Why does the room matter first before she moves out with me?

    #794781 Reply
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    Ràul

    Skyblossom, thank you for your advice. I did as she wanted so many times! I left her when she said it’s officially over but she keeps coming back, says I don’t love her really, and that me just accepting it and moving on so quick proves it. When I question her she replies saying she says it in anger? Funny you say that as well because, before the room business came up, she wanted to buy her son a trampoline and some pool kit which I paid for which was over 400 together. She promised me that would be a bye bye present but after that it came about her ec lost his job and doesn’t have the money to do up the boys room. I am not even mentioning that they are doing benefit fraud. I’ve mentioned countless times for her to move away or she’ll be in trouble.

    #794834 Reply
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    Ràul

    Thank you Ron, but what bamboozled me is who would let thier gf sleep with another man? She’s sexually very active with me. I had your thoughts at first.

    #794871 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    “Who would let their gf sleep with another man?” A guy who likes the money she’s getting from that other man. You’re paying to upgrade his house, for god’s sake.

    She’s playing you. She’s just nice enough to keep you coming back, keep you on the hook. Stop letting her use you and walk away.

    #794895 Reply
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    Ràul

    Hi Essie,

    Thank you for your response. Gosh guys like that even exists? What kind of girl will she be if her man is letting ger sleep with another guy and play a drama? This is the guy she complained to me that she suffered with for 10 years! Everyone actually said what you have, she’s got me in a hook. Everytime I try to walk away she emotionally attacks me and even starts to do things which are bad for her own life. Sometimes I think is she and her ex into this to get stay in this country, they are European so don’t have the right to stay in UK after the need it, I’ve heard about couples who do things like that. Just now, she messages me saying I need to know you respect me and my son, I mean how else does she want me to show respect???

    #794920 Reply
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    Vathena

    How do you even know she has a son? Have you met him? Do you have any proof that she’s actually spent the money you gave her on the things she said she spent it on? If they’re also committing fraud in other ways, they are very likely using you for money too.

    IF what she says is true, any mother who doesn’t have a BED for her child but spends money on a TV and fancy toys is a shit mother. Any mother who says she plans to abandon her child but leave “bye bye gifts” is a shit mother and a shit person.

    #794942 Reply
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    Ràul

    Hi Vathena,

    I’ve seen the boy yes, but I don’t know whether the money I gave for the bed is she bought that or not because I don’t step into that house. She just said she bought it. The tv I went and bought it with her. Apparently it was for the bed room. It was too big of a tv to be in bedroom for a 4 year old.

    That is what I was furious with. That week she was pressuring me she need the tv and wants it as a surprise for the boy, I didn’t want to differentiate so I got it, then the week after she bought up how she came to agreement with her ex about she’ll get half the stuff and now needed bed I asked her, why did she not prioritise the bed first. She responded, she didn’t know about his job. Yes they are committing fraud big time.

    In regards to the bye bye gift, she meant it as when she leaves, although she wasn’t leaving anyway because she wants him to be with us half the time which I encouraged her for. Although I don’t understand why she wants the boy to be with his dad

    #794960 Reply
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    Vathena

    If her 4-year-old child did not have a bed to sleep in and she bought a television instead, she’s a bad mother. If she bought a television to put in a 4-year-old’s bedroom, she’s a bad mother. She sounds awful. You are obviously the “other man” in this situation. Break up, block her on everything so she can’t contact you. Next time, choose an honest, quality person. Aim higher.

    #794970 Reply
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    Ràul

    Hi Vathena,

    Thanks, your advice is much appreciated. She keeps banging on about being a good mother and making sure her child has everything he ever wants. She actually was furious when I said something which I really believe in. Thanks to God, I have worked hard and do have a pretty stable career which gets me good earning but I once mentioned when my child is born I’d make sure his or her taste is in parallel with what his father can afford. She took that pretty offensively for some reason and said apparently I don’t take her son as my own?

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