Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Help

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 39 total)
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  • #822401 Reply
    avatarAnon
    Guest

    I appreciate all of the responses, and I am not trying to offend or insult anyone who may be in my or my partner’s position.

    Because I’ve not had any relationships in the past with a man who has children, I don’t always know what’s the right way to react to certain things I just react using my emotions which I understand isn’t always right!

    #822407 Reply
    avatarJD
    Member

    Expecting anyone, for any reason, to inform you of their texts is not rational. It doesn’t matter if a kid is involved or not. So that problem has nothing to do with a man having a kid, just your obvious insecurity.

    #822410 Reply
    avatarTabitha_Mc
    Guest

    Reacting ‘Just using your emotions’ is a surprise way of murdering a relationship. If you’re old enough to be cohabiting as a adult, you need to be learning how to communicate as one too. My husband has a son by his previous partner, and unless it’s an issue that I need to be practically involved in, their communications are none of my damn business.

    #822411 Reply
    avatarTabitha_Mc
    Guest

    *sure fire. Love autocorrect…

    #822414 Reply
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    Lol I hope your boyfriend decides to passive-aggressively become an overcommunicator about this like interrupting you in the middle of something to say “my ex said ‘k.'” and other mundane stuff like that.

    But seriously, either you trust him or you don’t. If you don’t, regardless of whether he has earned distrust or not, you should break up. If you do, then you won’t need to hear about every text from his child’s other parent and shouldnt have to show you his phone to prove everything is above board. Definitely don’t buy a house and for the love of god use birth control, until/unless you can trust him.

    And also, his ex is the mother of his child. They are literally family, tied together forever through their mutual child. One day, probably, they will both be invited to their son’s college graduation, wedding, and other big milestones. One day, maybe, they will become grandparents together, and share that moment of seeing their son become a father. You will need to get ok with their relationship always being there, and you should encourage it to be strong and caring and happy, because that is what’s best for their child and the child’s needs come first here.

    #822429 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You either trust your partner, or you don’t.
    You don’t. Why?

    How would you feel if he demanded to know every text you received, and then asked to go through your phone to confirm you were telling the truth?

    This level of distrust and jealousy(?) is so immature. I’m actually surprised he’s still in a relationship with you.

    #822447 Reply
    avatarAnon
    Guest

    I definitely don’t think they will be experiencing milestones together. The milestones that happen now include me and my partner and her and her partner separately – they don’t celebrate together so I don’t imagine in the future they will be “bonding” over these milestones you mentioned.
    Thanks for the response though it’s helpful to hear others opinions and rational thinking

    #822448 Reply
    avatarAnon
    Guest

    I also realise how jealous my original post sounds, and you are all correct I am a jealous person, I came here for advice so I’m hoping not to be judged because of what I wrote about.

    #822451 Reply
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    You really think they will not show up to the same wedding? Or be in the audience for the same graduation ceremony?

    #822463 Reply
    avatarTabitha_Mc
    Guest

    Parents share milestones with each other. It’s a great thing to do, especially for the emotional stability of the child. It’s part and parcel of being with someone who has kids with someone else, if, as appears here, the co-parents are doing it right.

    You have a binary choice. Accept the fact, or leave.

    #822464 Reply
    avatarJD
    Member

    We aren’t judging you we are explaining that due to your obvious jealousy you cannot be in this relationship. I also fail to understand how you believe milestones won’t be celebrated together. You won’t be with him long enough to even worry about that though, so don’t worry. Focus on some therapy. Jealousy will be the end of every relationship you attempt

    #822468 Reply
    avatarAnon
    Guest

    I didn’t mean they won’t both be there, I know they will both be at milestone occasions like wedding, graduation etc.. but what I meant was they won’t be sharing the experience with eachother because I know the relationship they have isn’t like that. They will both be there of course though.

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