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Dear Wendy

Hiding self harm during sex

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  • #1092042 Reply

    I have a friends with benefits (we’ve only slept together once so far) and he’s asked to see me this weekend which I want to do. However, I’ve recently relapsed with self harm, I’m doing better and it was a temporary blip, but I have very obvious, still fresh but healing cuts on my thigh that I obviously don’t want him to see. Should I be honest and tell him (my least preferred option), just show up with some bandages on my thighs and say I’ve had an accident or just postpone until they’ve faded?

    #1092045 Reply

    Postpone and talk to your therapist if you haven’t already.

    #1092048 Reply

    Kate nailed this. Your problem isn’t that you need to hide your self harm. Instead you need to reach out for help to stop said self harm.

    But to answer your question: I don’t think there is any real way to hide the as described injuries to a sex partner. I just don’t. They’re just not something that can be explained away by a typical accident.

    #1092116 Reply

    Agree with Kate. The self harm is more serious than what this FWB might think. I’m not judging you, I had my fun with FWBs when I was younger but please make sure you’re making choices that make you feel good and not worse about yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend. I am sorry you’re going through what you are. You aren’t alone. Please reach out for help if you don’t have a therapist.

    #1093509 Reply

    I’d suggest setting up a meeting with your therapist, and canceling. Prioritize yourself first. If you want to tell them, go ahead, and if you don’t just say you’re not up for it that day.

    #1093606 Reply

    You need to work on healing yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually, and building your self worth, not focusing on how to hide your issues from a f buddy. Aim higher, sister, in every way.

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