Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

His abusive behaviour stopped but I’m still not happy?

Home Forums Advice & Chat His abusive behaviour stopped but I’m still not happy?

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  • #1109574 Reply

    Iv been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Lived together around 18 months, I ignored every red flag going and fell for the love bombing hook, line and sinker.
    The relationship turned abusive and it turned out to be undiagnosed adhd and autism. Things was bad, very bad.
    I took some time apart and he got help, he was very accountable for his actions, was distraught when facing the truth that he was abusing me, and he changed, he hasn’t been abusive for over a year and hasn’t even raised his voice in any way for over 6 months. I feel safe, and well recovered from what happened.
    The problem is, because I have healed, and now moved from survival mode, no longer on edge and emotionally and physically in control of my life…
    He had a porn addiction at the beginning of the relationship which has caused many mistrust issues, I tell him my needs are unmet and he manipulates me to stay and then offers more of the same.

    I ask him to leave and he doesn’t go
    I try and end it and I’m just ignored
    I feel trapped!
    I just want out!
    I feel guilty! Me! Why do I feel guilty?
    It’s my house
    My name on it
    I pay all the bills
    I just want him to go and he won’t!

    #1109577 Reply

    You want him to go because you know who he really is and he’s a jerk. You’ve come through the fog and you don’t need him.

    Look up the local residency laws in your area and take the necessary legal actions to remove him from your home. You may be able to simply hire movers to take all of his stuff to a storage center and kick him to the curb or you may have to take more steps.

    He’s not in control – you are.

    #1109590 Reply

    Kick him out! You’ve been more than good to him. You owe him nothing. Look up the residency laws, as LisforLeslie said, maybe call his family and friends and tell them he needs to go and ask if they can get him out. Do whatever you need to 1) get him out 2) restore your peace of mind. If friends/family can take him and help him move out, also call your friends or family or neighbors to hang around and help things go even faster. If he’s stubborn or refuses- call the police and hire a lawyer.

    Be careful, though. He’s been violent before. Maybe calling the local police and explaining the situation might be useful? Let the people around you at least know what you’re dealing with so they can help you.

    I am envisioning you enjoying your empty of him home in the near future. You deserve your home back. Good luck to you.

    #1109591 Reply

    He hasn’t stopped abusing you, he’s just shifted how he’s doing it.

    Get some legal help if you need to in order to get him and his stuff out asap. You don’t owe him anything.

    #1109595 Reply

    Yes, you are being hugely taken advantage of, which is a form of abuse. Who wants a bf you have to totally support. I’m guessing he also isn’t a huge help around the house, as in doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry.

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