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his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

This topic contains 160 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar ellie j 2 months ago.

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  • #836740 Reply
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    ellie j

    Hi

    I really liked this guy, and on our third date he said he was not seeing anyone and also told me he wanted to be exclusive with me today, saying he wanted to be in a relationship eventually. We had such great time today ( we didn sleep yet though) and we were chilling at some bar and we ran into his “best friend” that he mentioned earlier (who uses coke few times a week).

    He talked about him earlier that he has this friend who does coke very often, few times a week, and whenever he hangs out with him he often does with him as well, saying he is really trying to stay away doing it though. He said that he used to twice a week with him when he had this stage but now he hasnt done for few months, but saying when he is with this friend he is inclined to do it.

    When we an into him at a bar, he sat there saying my date’s been talking about me about me a lot, asking me questions about my field. I do genetic engineering (CRISPR) which can be controversial/curious for a lot of people, but it was our third date so i wasnt that comfortable answering questions to his friends, and i i felt like he was trying to “interview” me asking me a bit of offensive way like “so what do you think about this and that, what do you do” etc. Since i was overwhelmed and felt awkward, and also since my date knows a lot about my field, i told him “maybe you should answer that question for me” but it seems like he took it offensively, saying “oh it is such a nice talk” After that, i was trying to answer his questions though i was not feeling like it. My date was next to me hugging me and stuff (he was aware that his friend was bombarding me with a lot of questions and he was feeling awkward as well). His friend seems like he was on coke (he was very talkative) and also my date admitted that he was probably was on coke today.

    i felt awkward and a bit overwhelmed since i wasnt ready to meet his friends with a lot of questions, so i went to bathroom, and when i came out he was playing pool with his friends (also with the guy who was asking me questions) . Feeling awkward a bit, i told him i would go home but he did not stop me. he said okay and he just did his own thing, while i walked out of the bar, which was a bit odd because when he was not with his friends he was always so caring and so focused on me. I called and got into my uber, and he called me saying he is sorry that “the way my friend acted was not cool. I understand if you dont want to see me again, but i want to see you again. Just be straightforward”im not sure. we were literally talking about being exclusive tonight, and he literally said he was ready for a relationship if i wanted, etc, but the way he handled the situation and also not trying to take care of me when i was going home and when his friend was bombarding with a lot of questions, disappoints me and doubts about him. any advice?

    #836745 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Three dates is too soon to be exclusive anyway so take that off the table. I personally don’t get the intense discomfort over his questions. I mean, asking more about your job? Ok, so? No idea why that is a problem. I get thay it was annoying but you seem offended. You decided before you met him you didn’t like him because he does coke. Well so does your date.

    You didn’t want to spend time with this person so you left, and I have no doubt left clearly unhappy. Sure he should have told his friend to shut it if it was making you uncomfortable and should have taken you home as it was a date but I am thinking no one really understood your reaction. If you don’t want to be around people who do coke, don’t date this guy because he flat out told you he is inclined to do so. Pretty simple.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by avatar JD.
    #836746 Reply
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    Hazel

    a lot of people turn into hyper assholes on coke.His friend is probably one of them. It can be very wearing for those on the receiving end.I’d rule that if he wants to do coke with his friend, to leave you out of the equation.

    #836748 Reply
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    Kate

    I think this is probably not the guy for you. You aren’t comfortable with his lifestyle and best friend. They both do cocaine, and you’re not cool with that. It’s also weird to me that he didn’t wait for your Uber with you or something. I was out with my friend and her husband the other night, and she offered to come wait at the front for my Uber with me.

    I would rethink whether you want to get into a relationship with this dude, because what you see is what you get.

    #836749 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    I think this routine will get real old real fast. This guy’s bestie enjoys coke. The bestie was likely coke-aggressive – rapid fire speech and questions almost not waiting for you to answer? It put you off which is understandable.

    The guy made it clear – this is his best friend and they are a package deal. If you can hang with the two of them, great. If the friend and his influence doesn’t appeal -you should walk away.

    #836754 Reply
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    Miss MJ

    Agree with what everyone else said, and I’ll add that sooner or later, your date is going to be the one out with you on coke. And then he’s probably going to want you to try it, too. This was a trial run to see if you’re good with that lifestyle. Since you’re not, I’d MOA.

    #836761 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    When did bi-weekly coke use become some casual norm? The only people I ever knew with that way of thinking were hard-core addicts…

    #836762 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I don’t think it’s the norm, but it’s a party drug. I know of people that use it. My favorite mentee was doing it for a while and then stopped. Another one is Adderall, which is basically speed. Some people like uppers like that to keep them awake and social.

    #836765 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    I know some people think of cocaine that way but common use isn’t normal. It isn’t Adderall.

    #836766 Reply
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    Ruby Tuesday

    Yeah, all the young adults in San Francisco love their cocaine. We’re basically back in the 80s because young people have too much money and work all the damn time.

    #836768 Reply
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    MP

    Yeah it doesn’t sound like 3rd date dude is a good fit for you and his friend sounds like a piece of work. Do you live in Brooklyn because I feel like every Brooklyn transplant I know has had a coked out friend crash their date. You can bet that if you stay with him, you’ll deal with more coked out non-sense. Find someone with more sober and wholesome friends.

    #836769 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    It’s either Brooklyn or SF.

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