Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

This topic contains 160 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar ellie j 5 days, 11 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 121 through 132 (of 161 total)
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  • #837350 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Ellie – I genuinely don’t think this was about sex. Nor should you put out sex earlier than you want just to keep a guy on the hook (alternatively – if you *want* to have sex early on you shouldn’t hold back just because. Have sex with a dude when you want – regardless of how early or late in the process it was).

    I think you guys hit it off at first, but after you got to know each other a little better, he decided it wasn’t a great fit. He probably would’ve come to that conclusion with or without the sex.

    Seeing you interact with his friend, a major part of his social life, might have been clarifying for him,

    And furthermore – why are you still wanting to debrief over this? You know it’s not a great fit either, so why do you care so much? It happens. No one is at fault or played this wrong, it’s just the way it is. You guys aren’t a great match, you needed a couple of dates to figure that out.

    Brush this off, and go date the next guy.

    #837351 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Also — asking people questions is usually seen as a sign of showing interest in people and in what they have to say. When did so many members of this next fragile generation decide doing so was somehow an attack? (I’ve seen this come up on other sites.)
    .
    Look, if basic questions are simply too much to handle (GASP!) Well, then I guess You’d best hope all friends of your future dates will just ignore you and treat you like a house plant with nothing interesting to say… Though, somehow, I suspect that won’t go over real well, either.

    #837354 Reply
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    ele4phant

    BGM – you said yourself you have experience with coked and it made you feel manic and crazy. People who are on coke are often manic and, just way too much. I can understand how she was tired, a dude crashed her date, and was bearing down on her with a ton of manic attention, and being like, I’m out.

    That said, I do agree she’s beating a dead horse here trying to post mortem what happened.

    What happened is you two are not a good fit. You were an okay fit, so it took a few dates to know that it was good not great, and it’s time to move on and stop wasting each other’s time.

    That’s it. That’s all there is to it. Keep back on tinder and move on.

    #837355 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    PS — I really don’t think this was about a lack of sex either. After three dates, the guy decided you two simply weren’t compatable. NEWSFLASH this will happen with damn near everybody you date. So get used to it. It happens to everyone. It’s why it’s called dating. And not, say, forevering.

    #837356 Reply
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    ellie j

    Again, it was not just simple questions. His attitude was condescending, confrontational, etc. HIs other friend was there as well but he was fine and had no problem communicating wit him

    #837357 Reply
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    ellie j

    @ele4phant

    yeah thats right, thank you 🙂

    #837358 Reply
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    ellie j

    yeah the only reason that i was confused was we were literally talking about being exclusive right before this guy came into us, so i was very confused. maybe it was sex or the interaction with his friend confirmed him that we were not a good fit, but again, we werer talking about being exclusive right before this incidence, thats why i was confuse dabout how he handled the situation.

    #837360 Reply
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    ellie j

    @BGM i know thats how dating is (above reason) i was confused

    #837362 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    I think the exclusive after three dates thing was also a red flag.

    #837363 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Um… You stormed off rather dramatically MID date. So yeah, surprise, surprise. That may have suddenly altered his view…

    #837364 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    But yes. Exclusivity after three dates and no sex is batshitcrazy. Red flag. Red flag. RED FLAG!

    #837365 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    Every guy is different, so there’s no use trying to make assumptions or rules about dating and sex.

    Have sex when you feel you’re ready, not when you think a guy wants it or to prevent him from leaving. If he was going to walk because you haven’t “put out” (yuck, I hate that term) yet, he wasn’t the right guy for you. A guy who is looking for a relationship, and who respects you, will wait until you’re comfortable.

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