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Dear Wendy

his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

This topic contains 160 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar ellie j 2 months ago.

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  • #837366 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Cosigning that asking exclusivity after three (two?) dates (with no sex, and also no boyfriend-girlfriend labels) was weird. Maybe in SF it’s strategic to try to lock down a girl, given the gender imbalance? Like, I don’t know if I like her but I’ll get her off the market while I figure it out just in case? IDK.

    Anyways, I think you dodged a bullet. This guy isn’t a good fit and probably does more coke than you’d like, and his friend was a bore (at least on coke).

    Stop wondering what happened and just be happy to move on.

    #837367 Reply
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    ellie j

    again, i did not storm out – our date was already over when i walked out. i was left with him and his friend after that awkward incident since he left to get drinks, and after awhile talking with his other friend for a bit, i went to the bathroom, and when i came out they were playing pool. So i simply said hey! im going to go home. I dont think i stormed out, if anything our date seemed over anyway.

    #837368 Reply
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    ele4phant

    @lucidity, at the very least a guy who likes you and wants a relationship, if he’s starting to wonder when the sex is coming, he’ll probably inquire about it in a respectful way. He won’t just give up after a couple of dates, he’ll probably try to find out where you’re at because ultimately he wants to stick around.

    #837369 Reply
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    ellie j

    Yeah i agree with moving on,
    and exclusivity part was when i told him if we physically become intimate i at least want to be exclusive (not date exclusively but physically) and just being honest if he wants or i want to sleep with someone else since im cautious about STDs.
    and he said im trying to be exclusive with you in terms of dating anyway, saying he eventually wants to be in a relationship he said lets see how things go

    #837370 Reply
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    ellie j

    Yeh also, @ele4phant thats what he did! We somehow talked about physical intimacy and he was actually been really respectful about physicaly intimacy. But on our third date we were casually talking and that part came out and i felt like he was wondering so i told him hey if we get physically intimate im worried about STDs and stuff so i dont think we should date exclusively but once we are physically intimate i want you to be honest and maybe exclusive in that part and he agreed.
    Thats why i was even left confused after the friend incidence since he’s been really respectful, and wanted to be exclusive (physically and also he said he only wants to date me and focus on me)
    But anyway nobody knows his intentions. but i agree that i will move on.

    #837371 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Okay with your latest comment, to me it sounds very much like to me yes he was interested in getting to know you and he was open to a relationship; it wasn’t just about hooking up.

    But, as he did get to know you better over the course of a few dates, ultimately you both learned it wasn’t that great a fit.

    To me, that seems quite clear how his feelings evolved.

    #837372 Reply
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    ellie j

    @ele4phant
    yea but the confusing part was since we were literally talking about being exclusive right before we ran into that guy
    and the way he handled it (not trying to see how im feeling, ending the date properly saying bye or something) just really made me wonder if that was really his intention since his text message also seemed like he was dumping me
    But yeah there’s no point of thinking about this at this point haha

    #837373 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    And your reaction to his friend put him off. It’s REALLY that fucking simple.

    #837375 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Yeah, I agree with BGM.

    I understand maybe it was a little like “Huh?” on your end given how well most of the date went, but with a little reflection, its not a a stretch to conclude that after seeing how you reacted to his best friend, he was like, eh if she can’t handle than she’s probably not a good fit for me.

    Again, nobody did anything wrong, but if this friend and this vibe is a regular part of your would-be boyfriend’s life and you didn’t mesh well with it, that’s a good clue to him you’re not the right fit.

    #837380 Reply
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    FYI

    ellie, I believe you have now spent more time posting about this than you have spent on all three dates combined.

    It sounds like you’re using articles out of Maxim or Cosmo to figure out when you should sleep with someone or what “men” expect. “Men” aren’t some monolithic thing, you know. Every one is different. Trust yourself more, and quit polling everyone else, including your friends.

    #837384 Reply
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    Jay

    BGM that’s exactly what I was saying, but noone wants to listen to me because apparently I am an evil creaton for saying what men think.

    #837386 Reply
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    Ruby Tuesday

    @ele4phant, in my experience, SF is just the opposite. Young people with lots of money want to party and have sex without being locked down. Plus so many of these kids had their whole lives managed for them by their parents that a lot of folks in my generation have no idea how to navigate adulthood.

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