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Dear Wendy

his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

This topic contains 160 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar ellie j 5 days, 11 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 161 total)
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  • #836896 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    This is pretty simple. Do you want to date someone who does coke and whose friends do coke? If not, then this isn’t the guy for you.

    I get that dating is hard and if everything other than one glaring thing is good, it makes you think you should overlook the one glaring thing. But that’s not how this works. You enjoying his company isn’t going to miraculous cause him to not do coke anymore.

    I can’t really imagine why anyone who doesn’t do drugs themselves would want to date someone who uses it.

    #836915 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Or LA. Honestly? I don’t get why being asked basic questions about one’s job was SO oft putting. This coming generation is so fucking so awkward and fragile. No wonder the rest of them abuse drugs. How else do you cope from dealing with the constant anxiety everybody else insists that they accommodate?

    #836951 Reply
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    Miss MJ

    I think most people would be surprised about who they know that recreationally does cocaine. Weed, too, though that’s probably not as shocking these days.

    #836953 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Agree with what everyone else is saying. Three dates is too soon to be exclusive, and for me that would already be a red flag. I don’t see the huge deal in asking questions about your job — and it’s weird you asked your date to answer some of the questions — but reading some of the responses, it might just be that I don’t know what it’s like to be peppered with questions by someone on coke.

    I will also add that a person’s friends can be a very good indicator of who they are. So now you’ve met his best friend — one of the people he is closest to and spends the most time with — and you don’t like what you see. It’s probably just a matter of time before you see more qualities you don’t like (e.g., him doing coke while out with you).

    So he has habits you don’t agree with. You already feel uncomfortable about the pace you’re moving at (not ready to meet friends). And so far you don’t like the crowd he runs with. I’d move on.

    #836957 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    I agree with everyone else, this guy doesn’t seem like a good fit. You say you really liked him, but you barely knew him. Now you’re getting to know him, his habits, his friends, his reactions when you’re uncomfortable in a situation, and you’re not feeling good about what you’re seeing.

    This is why talking about exclusivity after three dates is just silly. The first weeks/months of dating are for learning about each other. You start out with a person potentially being a good match, and then you see if they fulfill that potential.

    Though I’m still not sure what was awful about his sorta-high friend asking a lot of questions about your job. So overwhelming that you had to hide in the bathroom and then leave? Are you not comfortable interacting with strangers, or was he behaving in a threatening manner?

    #836960 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Poor little lost fragile lamb! She probably couldn’t go home either as her roommate was having people over. And had failed to give her the requested days upon days of notice to prepare… Yep. My patience with people and their “anxiety” is officially now at an alltime low.

    #836961 Reply
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    Kate

    It does seem like every young person who writes in says they have severe anxiety. Here are some reasons why, according to Psychology today (spoiler alert, it’s their parents):

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201711/10-reasons-teens-have-so-much-anxiety-today

    #836962 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Ya BGM her reaction seems way over the top. I can be pretty sure she stormed off and no one knew why.I don’t doubt she found friend annoying but you’ll deal with annoying people all the time. Annoying is also refusing to ask simple questions that anyone, coke or not, would ask, and acting like he was about to assault her because he was curious about her work.

    #836965 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Surprise, surprise. Lousy parenting produces even lousier kids… I am… SO… surprised.

    #836967 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    You admit your job is interesting and a lot of people are curious about it. I can understand that it probably is a controversial topic in some circles. If you don’t want to talk about it, just say something like, “hey, my actual daily work isn’t very interesting, I’d much rather hear how you met Steve/more about your job, etc.”

    I do think you were getting way ahead of yourself by even contemplating being exclusive with someone you just met and had gone on two dates with prior to this “exclusivity” talk. How many hours had you even spent with him before that? The truth is you didn’t know him well, you liked what you knew from the two dates you had, but now with more information you can see this isn’t going to work out.

    He’s an addict, or at least habitual user (he may have framed it that way to see how you’d react) his best friend sounds kind of like a pushy instigator-high or not, he didn’t step in or help you out while you were clearly uncomfortable, he didn’t see you out or really say goodbye in any courteous third date way, and was pretty pushy himself via text afterwards.

    Reframe this in your mind. You liked what you knew, but now that you can see more of his life and friends, you don’t. Time to move on.

    #836977 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    “He talked about him earlier that he has this friend who does coke very often, few times a week, and whenever he hangs out with him he often does with him as well, saying he is really trying to stay away doing it though. He said that he used to twice a week with him when he had this stage but now he hasnt done for few months, but saying when he is with this friend he is inclined to do it.”

    I would be very wary of trusting that this guy is accurately reporting his drug use to you. Three dates in, you’re still trying to make a good impression and put your best foot forward. Of course he is going to tell you that he hasn’t done coke for awhile, or that he wants to cut back, especially if you responded negatively to the mention of coke or to learning that his friend uses it. I think it’s highly likely that whenever he sees this friend, if that friend is using coke, he probably is as well.

    #836979 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymarkright

    It is HILARIOUS that it wasn’t the rampant drug abuse on the scene but the —- GASP! — routine conversation questions from one friend that simply pushed our poor LW right over the edge of anxious anxiety…

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