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Dear Wendy

his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

This topic contains 160 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar ellie j 2 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 161 total)
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  • #837048 Reply

    I know you don’t want just a hookup, but a lot people say that in the beginning regardless of their behavior. A certain type of person will say whatever it takes.

    You can’t really go by what someone announces on the first few dates. Actions speak louder, etc. He’s shown you more of his personality and it’s not that great.

    #837049 Reply
    ellie j

    yup just didnt feel like it was worth it

    #837052 Reply

    Oh man I had an experience like that once, although no coke was had (that shit is EXPENSIVE in Australia). I’d just started dating my now husband and he was meeting an old friend so I left them to have a boys night while I caught up with friends. It’s important to note earlier I’d been to a pro same sex marriage protest. Anyway husband started texting saying his friend really wanted to meet me and wouldn’t I please come? So I did and as soon as I walked up this friend turned to me and without even saying hello said ‘so I heard you went to a fag rally?’ So yes, the evening didn’t start well and went down from there. Unlike LW I held my own but the guy was so spiteful and mean, he just attacked me for no goddamn reason. He also thought he was ‘just asking questions’ but he was so openly hostile he could have been quoting christmas carols and it would have come across as aggressive.

    Husband didn’t say much at the time (I don’t think he could have got a word in) but the next day friend was gone from his house and they’ve not spoken since. That’s what you want in a bloke, not someone who will watch you in extreme discomfort and walk off with the person who caused it.

    #837061 Reply
    Ellie j


    Yeah i totally feel that. To me, i was a bit discomforted and he even said sorry that his friend was not cool, but i think it was his responsibility to suggest me seat with him separately or something like that, but at the end of the day i left and he didnt even come out saying bye. His friend would have understood him if he was with me, since we were on a date. But he chose to leave it as it was and didnt even walk me out, just texting he understands if i dont want to see him anymore though he wants to
    Maybe he thinks he blew it away completely and didnt know what to do. But i think he could just easily try to stay with me aaying sorry or something instead of like that

    #837065 Reply

    That text thread you posted makes it clear he’s lost interest.

    Your messages are exclusively about his friend’s behaviour, with no indication that the interaction made you reconsider dating him. His messages don’t mention his friend, but repeatedly suggest that you don’t want to date him anymore.

    He wanted to end things but didn’t want to say it. He was trying to put the responsibility of ending it onto you.

    #837067 Reply

    I think its genuinely possible that initially he was interested in you and was open to the idea of being boyfriend-girlfriend, and he wasn’t leading you on or just trying to get in your pants.

    But perhaps just for you interacting with his friend raised some doubts in your mind that this was a good fit, watching you interact with his friend also raised some doubts in his mind. This is his best friend, a major part of his social world. You two did not mesh. It’s only been three dates, the point of dating is to get to know them a little better each time. Sometimes it takes a couple of dates for incompatibilities to surface. He maybe learned a little bit more about you and how you would fit into his life, and realized actually made you’re not the best fit.

    And that’s okay for him to decide. Or for you to decide. Or for you both to decide. What happened is a feature, not a bug, of dating.

    #837072 Reply

    To much angst over a man you have only been on three dates with.

    He was promising exclusivity to get you into bed. Anyone who feels the need to explain his drug use and insists they are no longer using is, well, still using. He quickly wandered off to play pool with his coke head friend because his friend has coke.

    Delete his number from your phone and MOA.

    #837075 Reply
    Ruby Tuesday

    To find the relationship you want, you have to think about where you are meeting people. While the odds might be in your favor, downtown San Francisco is a strange place, filled with people who have far too much money and no idea how to spend it.

    #837076 Reply
    ellie j


    he did mention, but i think you could be right.
    The messages were like this. he called me and i couldnt pick it up,

    ME:Sorry my phone call doesnt work 🙁
    HIm: Its okay. im sorry about tonight
    Me; why? nothing was bad
    Him: i understand if you don wan to hangout again, but i wish the best for you. No it was. The way my friend was wasnt cool
    Me: its okay! have a good night.
    Him: okay haha
    me: i dont get offended that easily he was just curious i think. i dont take it personally, dw
    him: ok, well i’d still like to see you again. But understand if you dont. Just be straight up
    Me: just not sure why your friend was offended by me because i dont think i did anything wrong 🙁 but its fine lol

    end of conversation. maybe he was really actually suggesting me ending things with him.

    #837079 Reply

    I’d say, if you are genuinely interested in seeing him again, you could reach out and put the ball in his court.

    Suggest meeting up again. And then see what he does. He may have softly been trying to end things – but if you really like him it wouldn’t hurt to put it back on him and see what happens. Just keep your expectations low.

    That said – do you want to see him again? Sounds like while you did have a nice time, you’re probably not going to fit into his social scene, is this really worth spending more time on?

    #837080 Reply

    I can’t tell from this thread if you want to see him again. If you do, I think you should’ve said so in response to his text. I can’t tell from that text exchange if he was trying to let you down easy or get you to end things with him — telling you he wishes you the best is a breakup line. If I were him and still interested, I’d assume YOU weren’t if you kept harping on my friend’s bad behavior and not saying directly “Yes, I’d still like to see you again.”

    #837083 Reply

    Jesus, you’re posting the same thing over and over. Friend bombarded you with questions, playing pool, weird texts, etc. We GET it.

    You keep trying to elicit a new answer from us. There isn’t one, because this ISN’T HARD OR CONFUSING. “This cowardly douche didn’t even walk me to an Uber and hasn’t answered my texts. And he probably does coke, which I fail to acknowledge in my million updates. I’ve decided he’s kind of a loser, and I am now going to AIM HIGHER.”

    The end.

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