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Dear Wendy

his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice his friend "interviewed" me (probably on coke) on our third date and

This topic contains 160 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar ellie j 2 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 97 through 108 (of 161 total)
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  • #837259 Reply

    OK so it sounds like he’s really in the “bros before hos” mentality. Don’t mean to offend, but dudes say this line all the time, and pretend like they mean it. I bet he thought you were going to just walk over and play some pool with them for a while, and then the friend would naturally leave and he’d finally have you to himself. When you decided to leave, it put him in a primal flight or fight situation, and he didn’t want to offend his friend, and couldn’t see why you were so deadset against talking about your job. It doesn’t sound like he was trying to be a dick. How would he know you don’t like to talk about it? The mature thing to do would have been to say “I don’t want to talk about my work right now” and move on. IF he continued to badger you with questions about it, then you would have a right to be pissed.

    #837260 Reply
    ellie j

    i really dont know why someone would be offended about his friend trying to finish his date… he was on a date, with me, and he was responsible to end the date with me. I doubt if that was the case..

    Hm, also yeah but it was more like his vibe was more like confrontation, bombarding with A LOT of questions, and i felt a bit overwhelemd and maybe it was clear in my face when i asked my date “hey why dont you explain him about what i do since we’ve been talking about it all day!” And after it got awkward i did try to talk about something else, like he could speak french, etc, but it was still awkward. haha

    #837261 Reply
    ellie j

    ALso it was already 1am.. didnt have energy to play pool.. maybe he stayed around with his friend so he could do some coke, haha.

    #837263 Reply

    Well, your date had meandered to a bar, and you say you “ran into him” so it’s not definite he was planning to meet him there. Unless he wanted to powder his nose, which I doubt, b/c he wouldn’t want you knowing he was going to do that, and had already confessed every time he hangs with that bro he does the nose candy. When dates go to bars and you see a friend there, do you not stop for a sec to say hi to him?
    I admit he sounds annoying and was doing inappropriate things. He’s prolly drinking the haterade now that his boy wants to hang with another person besides him and also wants to maybe clean his life up.
    I’d say give him another chance, unless he’s just old and you know he’ll never change. It’s normal for youngins to experiment and be totally fine later in life.

    #837265 Reply
    ellie j

    @Jay We both young mid 20s. Not sure if you read our texting thread (its somewhere here haha) but he still hasnt replied to my last text which people here assume that he probably just wanted to sleep with me and his friend blew it away so he’s just whatever a bout it since its too much work now.

    #837277 Reply

    Yeah that’s what people were saying. Don’t you think you overreacted a little? It was only third date, late, in a bar. It’s not like you were in a fancy restaurant and everyone kept looking over at the obnoxious friend like in some sitcom. It was a bar. People getting wasted. Dude was like, damn she just walked out on me. When you do that to a guy he takes it personally. He was prolly thinking you embarrassed him in front of your friend. I get like that sometimes, when something doesn’t work out with a woman I can get embarrassed if my friends see it or family. It brings me down a couple of rungs in their eyes, I imagine, though that’s total BS. It’s just the way I think though, and I’m a guy, thus why I am rambling on. And I will ramble further, because it appears I am the only one awake now and have nothing better to do, except homework and study, but…eh.
    And to make matters worse, he had to call you and apologize, even though you were the one who walked. In my experience with women, when I just walk out they resent the hell out of me for that, and it’s hard to get back together with them if I try, even for a drink.
    A few people said you may have overreacted a little, but you keep finding excuses why you didn’t. Just admit you may have and be free :P. Who cares anyway, that’s just like my opinion man.

    #837279 Reply

    @Jay, I think you’re seriously projecting here based on your other forum post. I’m sorry your other experience has wounded you so.

    But, if anything she under-reacted.
    It’s not unreasonable to leave if it’s 1am, you’re not wasted and are feeling a bit fed up that your date was crashed. She didn’t walk out in a dramatic act from what she’s written, just probably though there wasn’t much point staying, said goodbye and got herself home safely. What else should she have done?

    Most women actually don’t play games the way you think they do, but most are not going to put up with bullshit if not in an exclusive relationship. Even if they’ve enjoyed hanging out and hooking up, they’re allowed to change their mind. Friends and family are not going to look down on you because things didn’t work out with a girl, that’s in your head. And if they do, then fuck ’em.

    Look at ways to improve your self esteem and resilience. What are you avoiding by obsessing about you girl and getting upset about how someone you’ve never met had an awkward encounter? People do get treated badly and get hurt all the time, it’s how you respond that matters and what you’ll be judged on.

    #837294 Reply

    Please don’t listen to Jay. He reads redpill forums and likes to hate on women.

    Ellie, you listed your last relationships, and I just wanted to remind you that you went on three dates with this guy. You were briefly dating, not in a relationship and he’s clearly a loser.

    #837306 Reply

    Yeah, if some coked up third party shows up on your date and makes you uncomfortable you should feel free to leave. If your date makes you uncomfortable you should leave. You’ve been on 2.5 dates with this guy and sound like a bad fit.

    #837313 Reply

    Yeah don’t listen to the ~bros before hoes or ~fight or flight bits. My husband and I ran into plenty of his friends (and mine!) in the early days of dating. Not a single bro insisted he joins in on our date and to this day no bro has gotten confrontational with me. And of course, none of his bros do coke anyways.

    @EllieJ I’d suggest going on more coffee dates rather than bar dates for a while since you said you have a pattern of dating dudes that are too into drugs and/or alcohol. Since you live in the Bay you could do tons of outdoor stuff too! Prioritizing day-time dates in my experience weed out the hard-partying types. If you’re on OkCupid or any apps with more information (unlike Tinder) you should look out for substance related info/questions.

    #837315 Reply
    Bon Vivant
    Bon Vivant

    @MP good call on the non-bar dates.

    I’d also add that perhaps, especially during the first few dates, not have the date go on for 14 hours a clip.

    #837321 Reply
    Ellie j

    Yeah, with him we would do something nice that doesnt involve drinking, such as going to an island during the day and have some nice dinner and talk, and then go some bars at the end of our day.
    So i think we have a consensus that he was after sleeping with me, and it was our first date and i wasnt even openly making out with him and seems like a lot of guys get frustrated if a girl doesnt put out around third date
    He out a lot of time and effort on our dates, but it seems like he got frustrated about me taking too slow as well.
    But do you guys think if a girl doesnt put out by third-fourth date it is reasonable that guys losig interest even though he was genuinely interested? I hear/read a lot of guys complaning that even though he really likes the girl if he doesnt get physucalk intimate by 3-4th dates they begin to lose interest, not because they are just after sex but because its natural

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