Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Hoarding husband

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Hoarding husband

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
  • #962486 Reply
    avatarLauren Monaghan

    My husband has littered our 4 acre yard with at least 20 vehicles that don’t run and other stuff. Some of the vehicles belong to him and others belong to friends of his. My kids and I are embarrassed by how the property is kept and can’t have company as a result of it. My oldest son goes to grandmas to have friends over. This isn’t the only issue but is a big one that really impacts how we live. Do you have any advice on how to handle this. We have tried reasoning with him but he always has an idea to repair or use these vehicles at some point.

    #962491 Reply

    If your husband is a true hoarder, as in meets the criteria of hoarding disorder – unfortunately you have a hard road ahead. He needs to get into therapy asap. Is the house hoarded out as well? A home organizer/junk specialist that specializes in working with people who compulsively hoard should be brought in, and the timing of that should be discussed with his therapist. Breaking a hoarding compulsion is difficult. Reasoning will not work. He needs to seek treatment, get professional help, and most importantly he has to want to change.

    #962494 Reply

    Yeah – 20 cars means this is a pipe dream, not a real plan. He’s either dreaming of potential value or he’s trying to save these cars from being trashed.

    But if he’s not actively working on one car every night/every weekend to move it into either state (sell or save) then he’s never going to do this.

    You can give him an ultimatum or try to rationalize but neither will likely work. He needs to acknowledge there is a problem and that’s highly unlikely.

    #962496 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    Yikes!! You need to have a serious talk with your husband. If this isn’t a hoarding compulsion requiring therapy – which it sounds like it may be since your family has been forced out of your home to even see friends – but is an out of control hobby where that he genuinely means to do whatever with these cars and has the skills to do it but just hasn’t, then tell him he’s got to get the number down to whatever you’re comfortable with, keep them in a certain area away from the house and stop treating your property like a junk yard. Agree on a deadline for it to be culled and then arrange to have whatever is leftover hauled off.

    Good luck!

    #962501 Reply

    Contact Codes and see what a Codes Officer says about the City/County law ordinance of keeping ones property up to par. You could be at risk of being cited or having the county/city come in a forcibly remove the items. You could also be at risk of losing your property too. It depends of the state and the laws.

    Are the vehicles taking up all 4acres or could you spare some of the acreage and force him to have the vehicles organized neatly on the property, farthest away from the house.

    Are his friends paying you guys to keep their vehicles? What does your homeowners insurance say about this? Would this be considered a safety hazard in that your homeowners could drop you?

    I’d take the approach of if we don’t get rid of this junk we could be at risk of losing our home and insurance approach first before requesting therapy. You might be more successful with getting rid of some of it. Then try therapy. If he refuses to do anything then you go get therapy because you got a bigger problem regarding your marriage.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
Reply To: Hoarding husband
Your information: