Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › How about I just let you guys roast my whole life since I’m here?
- This topic has 22 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 3 weeks ago by Daisy.
Get to the bottom of what exactly the main problem is/has been with me.
I’m just a guy. That’s the best single-word way to describe me, a guy. I don’t view myself as a God or Superman, but I also don’t view myself as a jackass or neanderthal either; I’m just a guy. I have a very “middle-of-the-road” way of looking at myself, if you understand what I mean.
I feel like God or Karma or the Universe is punishing me for something I either overlook and don’t realize, or forgot about a long time ago. Either that, or the people in my life really are conspiring to keep me down and miserable (I know that’s not true, please don’t assume that I actually believe that’s true, I’ve had way too many people mistake my sarcasm for stuff I actually take seriously throughout my life, idk what it is).
First off, the one thing that everyone loves to rant and scold me for: driving fast. But no, not actually driving fast, I mean driving what people on Molokai (population 7,500) *think* is fast, even if I’m going the speed limit sometimes (even *under* it once or twice). The roads here tend to stay at 20MPH for housing neighborhoods, school zones, and downtown, 35MPH for developed/curvy sections of the main road, and 45MPH for undeveloped/straightaway sections of the main road. Literally all I do is maybe go 50-55 in a 45, or 40-45 in a 35; I know for a fact that a lot of people speed way worse than that, and a lot of people here like to ride the center line and drift into the other lane, yet the whole island seems to wanna fight *me* specifically over *my* driving being *slightly* too fast. I had one dude (not even an elder or a police officer, just some young guy about my age) pull out in front of me as I was coming down the road, and he legit stayed in the same spot for several seconds, I was already pressing on the brakes as soon as I saw him, but I had to literally slam my brakes until the tires squealed so I wouldn’t hit him, and I still ended up about a car length away from him. He then proceeded to step outta his car and yell like a chimpanzee “step out cuz! step out you fucka!” trying to provoke me to get out and square up with him. Then he looked at the people on the side of the road and the traffic he was holding up and was like “sorry you guys, dis fucka almost wen bang me!”. I was like “Shut the fuck up, you holding up traffic, get back in your car, I’m a mile away from your stupid ass” but I couldn’t be completely serious cause I was just too busy laughing at him. Bruh, it was hilarious you had to have been there, but I’m getting off topic.
Back to me and my life. I feel like as much as I wanna deny it, my weed smoking has probably changed a lot more about my life than I probably even realize. Most people who knew me growing up never would’ve imagined I’d go anywhere near the stuff given the past I had with it. My dad was an ex-con, having spent a year in prison from 1997-1998 on felony charges for growing weed, which he’d been doing for about 13 years prior (and the way they got him was kinda fucked, honestly; in 1995, two other guys stole his plants, so he went and stole them back and wanted to fight the guys, so they bitched out and called the police just to get my dad thrown in jail, and they got off scot-free), earning about $6,000/pound selling some of the finest weed to the Molokai community; I’ve got some real Dr. Greenthumbs in my family lineage. He was also deeply into a crystal meth addiction, he was smoking ice before he went to jail and continued to do so when he started dating my mother after he got out. When they moved to Kauai in 2000, he’d fly back to Molokai every 2 weeks to go smoke ice. Then when I was born in 2002, he had to either quit or my mom would leave him, which kept him clean for a long time. Then my big sister fell asleep driving and passed away in 2008, prompting us to move back to Molokai, and that combined with having no job from the recession lead to him slipping right back into ice smoking by 2011. Also in 2011, he started growing weed again after my mom told him “either do that or go get a real job”, which caused an even bigger conflict between them. The ice in particular was HELL: my own daddy turned into this incomprehensible, scary monster who’d yell and fight with my mom constantly and seemed to be looking for any excuse to rage. In my mind, that was what drug use was, taking poisonous, horrible substances that will fundamentally change your whole personality to the point where you wanna hurt or kill people you love. It was only 6 months that this went on before my parents divorced and my dad moved out of Molokai again in 2012 (this time for rehab), and didn’t come back until 2021.
I tried weed a few times as a senior in high school, but I always approached it with a hilarious amount of extreme caution looking back (only finishing joints halfway and taking 10 minutes between individual puffs) because I still had that inner fear from everything I’d gone through as a kid. What finally made me lose all fears and inhibitions was in April 2021 when I finally got to see my dad smoking weed and not turning into the scary monster I remembered from back then. It was as if God had revealed to me “see, you were blaming the wrong drug this entire time; it was all meth’s fault your dad got all fucked up, now you can discover how awesome it is to smoke weed!”. So I started keeping a regular stash and smoking on the daily in May 2021, and the rest is history.
The first conflict that arose from my weed use was the fact I can’t smoke in my own home. This is because I live at a condo resort, where my mom also works as the manager, so of course I gotta be respectful and follow the rules (which I don’t have a problem doing, despite what some of you seem to think; I follow these rules because we’d be homeless and my mom would be jobless if I didn’t, hence there’s a clear reason and consequence for me to follow them, It’s rules where the reasons and consequences I can’t understand that tend to irritate me). To get around this, I simply keep my stash and bong in my car and drive around when I wanna go smoke. I just pull up to whatever empty beach or park that I feel like parking my car at to just sit around quietly and cruise while hitting the bong and just people-watching. Sometimes I’ll park somewhere overnight and fall asleep there in my car until 2am. Thing is though, I’m not like the many young punk meth heads and drinkers that sit around in public looking for trouble: I am a morally upstanding citizen who *sits quietly* doing his *own thing* without doing anything to try and affect other people or make *their* lives miserable. To put it bluntly, I don’t wanna irritate others, I just wanna have fun for myself. Problem is that everyone else wants to be irritated by me having fun.
Life was pretty bliss up until I was introduced to this girl by my coworkers in November 2021, after which I kinda started slowly spiraling down the toilet. What happened was that I walked past this girl (28) walking her dog on a leash, and he barked and charged at me, I was all stoned and paranoid, I got spooked and yelled at her “control your damn dog!”. Then the 6th grade teacher (54F) at my workplace gave me a talking-to for being such a dick to her former coworker (turns out she used to work at that school before me), and gave me her number to apologize. Then a week later, that same lady started trying really hard to convince me to hang out with this girl, even getting the kindergarten teacher (46M) involved. They both wanted me to smoke this girl out so that she’d be more comfortable smoking weed with them (their own words), but it also felt like they were trying to set us up. At first I wasn’t *that* into her, but overtime I started taking a liking to her, until eventually I decided to get her these silver earrings for Christmas, just to try and make her happy.
However, whatever feelings I had were almost immediately crushed in January 2022, when she avoided my calls and texts on her birthday and I came to her house to find her nearly blacked out drunk, like 4 shots and half a fifth empty on the counter, hanging out with that kindergarten teacher guy. They let me hang out for a few minutes as I watched in horror while this sweet, innocent girl I’d come to know was suddenly acting like a completely weird, foreign version of herself, swearing and barely able to stand up. It felt like a nightmare. Then the kindergarten teacher guy lied to me and said that he wanted to talk some sense into her because he was just as concerned as me: I was so, fucking stupid to believe that, I was a fucking idiot to believe that. I should’ve just automatically known that he was gonna fuck her, that’s what any man would’ve done in that situation; I was the scrub for being dumb enough to listen to him (in my defense though, I trusted the guy like a good friend; what a dumbass, I know) What’s even worse though is that I actually believed HER for a minute as well; she tried to play it off like she was blacked out, couldn’t remember, wasn’t sure if she was raped, etc, but then right afterwards she was like “nah, it’s all good, no need to stop trusting anyone”, and then proceeded to be seen hanging with various different guys, presumably cause she’s probably a hoe (although she does also have borderline personality disorder, so maybe I shouldn’t be quick to judge so harshly). I remember I tried to talk to the teacher lady who introduced me to this girl, and she told me that “she was not a victim, she might think she was a victim, but she wasn’t one”, and then I saw he pointing at me and whispering something in the kindergarten teacher guy’s ear, so that’s one more person whose information I can’t fully trust.
That secrecy and sudden betrayal really fucked with my head for a long time. I felt like everyone must secretly hate me behind my back and there must be some conspiracy to make my life miserable. Who knows? Maybe all the school teachers hated me, maybe all my friends secretly talked shit about me, maybe my family secretly wished I wasn’t born. Those were the kinds of thoughts that were festering in my head after that girl drama happened. It was paranoia for the entire world.
Then to top it all off, there have been multiple incidents where groups of meth heads in their early 20s with nothing better to do decided to come and harass me, and everyone decided to let me suffer through it with no help, as if I’d done something to earn being mistreated. I remember this one group of guys called me over to smoke weed with them at the beach, and then they got mango slobber ALL OVER my car, and everyone else just looked on while they laughed their asses off, and I had to peel away furiously wondering “why does everyone enjoy my misery?!” You know for a fact that if I’d gone and beat their ass or ran them over, everybody would be on MY ass for picking on them, because Molokai doesn’t want Hunter to have a backbone or a happy life, I suppose.KateGuest
Oh no no no. I’m not reading this. There are many, many “guys” out there who can act right and respect other people and stay employed. We’ve been over and over your particular problems. This isn’t the Hunter Show.AnonymousseGuest
Hunter, I remember what you told us about your dad and his and your past and I’m really sorry you’ve had to deal with that. Being like him isn’t the way to go. He isn’t cool.
You can respect the condo laws, respect the laws of the road, the rules at your job and being respectful to others and you might find you get more respect in return.
I don’t know if it’s just me, that people really need help right now but like rape is incredibly hard to read about, for some people. You know that, right? It’s triggering for people to read things that graphically horrible. If your struggling with hard stuff like that, the place to take it is not to other people who may be wounded hearing that story, but a therapist. I know, you can’t afford one. But what if you stopped the weed? Could you afford it then? Is there any phone lines, places you can go to talk to people? Because honestly Hunter, you sound on the edge.AnonymousseGuest
I don’t want to roast you and your entire life. You’re 20. But you’re also being incredibly out of order at a school for kids, driving it sounds like- (and I also enjoy driving fast, but I don’t do it near anyone) and just in general taking your issues out in other people but mainly yourself. You’re only hurting yourself and making a bad reputation to prove you are like your dad? Is that the goal? Or are you different? I think you’re different and just struggling right now. I’m sorry if I was too hard on you before, but you honestly are going to be arrested or in some kind of trouble or hurt if you keep behaving like this, Hunter. I’m sorry, but it’s very likely. I don’t know you, and maybe I sound like a nasty old bitch to you but I know a spiral or recklessness when I see one. I’ve been there, too. I hope you have someone close by who can give you some sensible advice that you’ll listen to.CopaParticipant
I did read all of that and I still don’t really know what‘s going on with you. But yeah, you sound a little unglued and would benefit from therapy.ronGuest
Forget the weed. This reads as a cry for psychiatric help.PassingByGuest
The common thread I see in this and your other posts is that you never seem to consider that you might be wrong about something. It’s always someone else’s mistake, or someone being unfair to you.
I don’t mean that you’re always wrong, but you never even consider it to be a possibility and so you don’t listen to anyone who suggests you might be wrong.KateGuest
Every time you write an AITA, you were the asshole.
You don’t have to always be the asshole though.LisforLeslieGuest
You know what, I wrote out a long supposition about why you keep getting stopped, because I’m pretty sure I know, but fuck it. Even if I lay the whole thing out, you’re just going to say that it’s not fair, and it’s not right and you’re not doing anything technically illegal. So I’m not going to bother.
Metheads and mango juice, dude – pick your fucking battles. Yeah, maybe they are riling you up on purpose. Or maybe they are just going about their methy business and don’t give a fuck. And shit, they offered up weed and YOU WENT. Metheads are not the paragon of consideration. Although some will clean like the dickens when tweaking. Your want of weed is leading you down sketchy as fuck roads.
You are making some terrible choices and all you do is blame others. “Oh, the metheads offered me weed and then they got my car all mango-y!”, “I gave the finger to a long time and trusted employee and now they’ve put me on warning.” “I went to work high at a school.” dude… come on. Your choices.AnonymousseGuest
The stupid rules are there because there are still idiots who think rules and laws don’t apply to them. They’ve done it, and they didn’t die and no one got hurt, so it’s a dumb rule and they’re not going to follow it. And then you ride your dirt bike without a helmet and get your brains creamed by the force of your noggin against the asphalt while your tires skid out on grass cutting a left in the road. Or you decide you can drive 80 mph around because you can drive that fast on those roads, you know better and kill another islander you grew up with. Why do you think somehow everyone is out to get you and do you wrong? The only one person I see standing in your way right now is you. No one cares about you that much. I don’t say this as a “no one cares about you, dude you suck” but as a most people are totally focused on their own lives——-until you behave erratically, or dangerously, out of the norms of social bounds on a school campus and small community to the extent that people feel afraid of you. Showing up high to a job is not great, you know that. Yes, swearing and muttering under your breath and giving a coworker the finger is erratic esp. at a school where they are on (I would fucking hope, as a parent of 2!) high alert for a weirdo who is angry and disgruntled, who may be a danger to the innocent children inside the building. I’m not saying you are a threat, or a weirdo, but when you keep acting out of order, people are never going to stop looking at every single thing you do. Especially if you live in the tiny community where you grew up.
You want less attention from all these others? Behave. Act like you’re Hunter who doesn’t have to prove anything, except maybe to himself that he can hold down a job- full time if you dropped out of college for it. You can do it. I believe in you.AnonymousseGuest
Honestly, Hunter. I’m a 39 year old white lady with two kids who had my fair share of fun in my day. I don’t have huge punk rock bright red spikes in my hair and large platforms, or smell like I just rolled off a Grateful Dead cover band’s tour bus because I want to blend in with all the other suburban moms around me, kind of. When/if a cop does pull me over, I want to look like a mild mannered woman, just a little late to work, sir, chuckle. This’ll never happen again, sir, it’s a real wake up call.
ACAB, okay, Hunter? And I want to behave that way so he doesn’t find my emergency weed pen stashed in the trunk if I have an anxiety attack.*
I’m trying to say, you don’t have to change everything about yourself to get less attention and grief in your community. Just be smarter. Work around the system, you’re not going to beat it. Stop making yourself a spectacle.
*I would never do such a thing, this is purely fictitious. I am a mild mannered suburban, everywoman.KateGuest
Unless you’re prepared to live off the grid and rely on nothing that society offers, then you have to be a decent person in society. Which you’re not being.
Did you know it is possible to be unemployable? I told you about my ex husband, but last I had contact with him, he at least was employed in the field of pizza production. I’m talking about people who cannot get hired because they would not or could not comply with workplace norms and got fired too many times. I know some people like this. It’s not pretty. But they have spouses who so far are working their asses off and giving up having nice things to support these fools. Are you going to live off your mom forever?
Grow up, obey the law, don’t be drunk, high, or a jerk at work, get a damn education or apprenticeship, stop freeloading off your mom at this point, and do something useful.