Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How can I be me again and trust my gf, without feeling any paranoia?

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This topic contains 19 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar Donna 4 days, 9 hours ago.

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  • #845126 Reply
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    ron

    You obviously don’t trust her and you shouldn’t try to convince yourself to trust her, because she is not trustworthy. She cheated twice, not once. She cheated under the same circumstances both times, and yet she has done nothing to avoid those circumstances. I also think you are being rather credulous in believing her stories that nothing really serious happened during these cheating episodes. More likely than not intercourse was involved, or at least attempted, but not consummated, because the guy was too drunk. She and her drunk friends ended up in bed with guys. What was the intent in getting into bed with them? Hard to believe it was an innocent, platonic act. She has waved the “I was so drunk” get out of free card and you have accepted it. You need to MOA. At the very least, she needs to seek treatment as an alcoholic and stop getting drunk with these friends. Nobody in that friend groups sees anything wrong with getting drunk and going home with a bunch of guys who aren’t their bfs. They have a cheater’s mindset.

    #845129 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Listen, I know that breaking up with her sounds scary because you’ve been together a quarter of your life, but most people don’t marry their high school girlfriends and you shouldn’t stay with her. She cheats on you and will keep cheating on you and demands that you trust her despite the cheating. Half the world is women.* Find someone else who will be better to you.

    *astounding but true!

    #845131 Reply

    “She didn’t cheat, she just flirted with a guy all night and went home Werth him and slept in the same bed.”

    Really?

    #845132 Reply
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    MaltaKano

    Trust won’t come unless you both understand WHY this happened. She has some need or desire going unfulfilled – and that’s not your fault. It might not even have anything to do with your relationship. But something is wrong enough in her inner life that she’s willing to risk this relationship over it. I think it’s probably just time to break up, but you could also ask her to explore this with a therapist. It’s up to her to do the work to figure herself out – it’s not fair of her to keep hurting you and then getting out of it by self-flagellating before you’re allowed to be angry.

    #845135 Reply
    TaraMonster
    TaraMonster
    Participant

    I know you want to believe she didn’t “fully” cheat on you because you love her, but you’re being naive, I’m afraid. You guys have had an unusually long youthful relationship, and I’m sure much of it was lovely, but it’s over. She’s showing you it’s over by sleeping in other men’s beds. Just because you have talked about the future doesn’t mean you should stay together. Break up with her; there’s a whole big world out there you’re missing by clinging to this dying relationship.

    #845140 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    Your girlfriend is trying to show you the relationship is over. Her actions are telling the truth, whilst her words pay lip service to your relationship. I suspect like you, she is scared of change and has good memories of the past 6 years, but her heart, mind and even body are moving on. End this! This means moving on, going no contact- including cutting all social media and making separate lives( keeping busy, making new hobbies etc, new friends and making a different life for yourself). Yep, it’s not going to feel great, but what you’re doing now is going to end is a huge amount of anger and hatred. Separate now, whilst you still remember you were once good and respected each other. There are other women out there to get to know.

    #845170 Reply
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    Logan

    Why are you here asking for advice when you clearly only want to defend this cheating behaviour of your so called GF who will soon be having sex with other men behind your back or in front of you while you sit there in the closet crying and jerking off at the same time. You sound desperate to the point you will marry her and let her trample all over you and ruin you to the core, you’re going to be nothing but a skeleton who will finiance her sexual life outside of your relationship.

    Fucking open your eyes and see what you have written down the first time and tell yourself can you really do this to someone you really love? No right!!!

    Grow a fucking pair and kick her to the curb, but I’m sure you ain’t man enough to do that, you would probably give your bed to the man she wants to sleep with next and sleep on the couch and kiss her feet at demand. And if you did break up? It would probably be for a few hours before you go running back to her.

    I’m sure I sound harsh but thats fucking reality, if you can’t see her behaviour as a red flag?? Than you have no rights to complain about her running off into the arms of other men than making excuses like she was drunk and she is sorry so I will let it be. How many times do you need this to repeat itself? I’m sure the next time it will be sex if that hasn’t happened already and guess what, she will never tell you. So tell yourself can you keep sitting there losing your shit every time she goes out with her friends to drink and party…

    #845193 Reply
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    Donna

    I’m going to assume more happened, and she told you a half-truth to try and ease her guilty mind. Twice now this has happened that she’s told you about, how many times she hasn’t you don’t know….you guys aren’t married, with kids and other complications. You should go with your gut and bail on this relationship. TRUST ME, it only gets more complicated as you go. ♥

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