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How can I make a move?

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  • February 28, 2023 at 11:09 am #1118806 Reply
    Jessy
    Guest

    Hey everyone !
    Can you help me? I’m a single woman (40) attracted to a single man (55). I have been married for 5 years and had a kid form this marriage. Divorced for two years now. I’m not looking for marriage or someone to live with. I have been dating a lot but this guy is still on my mind. I know him for years because he is one of my friends dad. I see him about every 6 month at birthday parties because his grandsons and my son are good friends and live in the same neighborhood. Sometimes I also meet him at a bar where we have our habits. But we never really talk together as he stays with his friends and I am with mine, so it would be awkward.

    When he sees me he always greets me with a big smile and hug and I think he might have noticed I am a little intimated by him. but I don’t know, there’s something about how he looks at me and hugs me, he might also be attracted, who knows. I also noticed that he sometimes comes out smoking a cigarette on the same time to have a chat, and from times to times he shows extra attention toward me with little details (like bringing me a knife or giving me his chair… )

    I met him last Sunday. He was with his grandson and daughter. And as always, now I can’t get him out of my head. I know him for almost 10 years now, and every time I see him I get more attracted.

    I am not a shy person when I like someone, but with him its different as I don’t want to mess things up or cause discomfort if attraction is not reciprocated. (according to his daughter and grandson)
    We are friends on social media FB/insta but I don’t have his phone number. We might see each other again in April at his grandson’s birthday party.
    How would you approach the situation? Is there some subtle move I can make? Have you ever had a similar experience?

    Thx in advance for your advice.

    February 28, 2023 at 11:32 am #1118808 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Oooh, I love this. I’d let it develop and make a move in some small way, but I would be aware of the affects it may have. What are you considering? A sex affair? Dating? Is he single? Touch his hand. And tell us what happens.

    February 28, 2023 at 11:51 am #1118809 Reply
    Jessy
    Guest

    I’m considering a casual thing to begin with, I don’t know. as I said I’m not looking for a new husband! I know he is single. I once asked my friend. I never saw him with a woman, and I know him for 10 years now. Maybe he as some affairs, but nothing serious at least.
    You suggest a move in some small way? like what?
    I know he is very interested in nutrition and health, I thought about posting some topics about that on my Facebook, as I’m a also interested in that. He might react to it… And maybe next time I see him I will mention my workout routine and ask him some advice.. What would you suggest?

    February 28, 2023 at 12:01 pm #1118810 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I don’t know. Your second paragraph reads like the letters we get from men where they think a woman is interested in him because she exists in the same space and is nice to him. In any case, next time you see him out at the bar, why don’t you say hello and flirt a little? I think that’s a more appropriate place to make a move than his grandson’s birthday party.

    ETA: I just read your update. Posting something to Facebook that you hope he will notice/react to is not a good strategy or way to indicate interest.

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by Avatar photoCopa.
    February 28, 2023 at 12:07 pm #1118812 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    I think he’s had ample opportunity to approach you or ask about you if he’s interested. You two actually socialize and he knows you’re single. So I would keep your expectations really low. I don’t think posting wellness content on social media is the way you want to go. I think you want to chat with him at the next social function and ask some pretty direct questions like is he seeing anybody.

    February 28, 2023 at 12:10 pm #1118813 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    I understand you know he’s single, but asking him directly if he’s seeing anyone sends a clear message.

    February 28, 2023 at 12:16 pm #1118814 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    But I mean also, he’s your friend’s dad. Just based on that, I don’t know if it’s a good idea to pursue anything. Even if there was mutual attraction.

    February 28, 2023 at 12:21 pm #1118815 Reply
    Jessy
    Guest

    He had no opportunity to approach me because I was married and he knows my ex-husband too. We live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. I’m single now for almost two years and when we meet at the parties my ex-husband is always around. Also the last time we met at the bar, my ex was there… Last Sunday my ex husband also was.
    And I don’t think he would dare to approach me as I am his daughters friend. That is what makes the situation complicated. Its also complicated for me because I don’t want to mess up and create problems. Flirt with him would even be too obvious… Should I try to connect as friends first, create some bond over shared interest? I really don’t what to do…

    February 28, 2023 at 12:31 pm #1118816 Reply
    peggy
    Guest

    Keep it simple. Next time you see him,chat a little if you can. Then say something like ” i am going for a walk at Pleasant Park tomorrow,perhaps you would enjoy coming along?” If he is busy and says he can’t and does not suggest another time,then it shows little interest. If he says yes,let him take it from there. Or if not a walk,suggest a coffee etc. Something casual and low stakes. His response might give you a clue.

    February 28, 2023 at 12:36 pm #1118817 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    Ohhh, yeah, I don’t know. With it being a small town and him knowing your ex AND being your friend’s father, not sure this is a viable option.

    February 28, 2023 at 12:42 pm #1118818 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I mean… I’d personally not shoot my shot with a friend’s dad. And you seem to have at least a few other hesitations. If you’re in a small town where everyone knows one another and frequents the same hangouts, I think the only way to proceed is to accept that it might turn awkward.

    February 28, 2023 at 1:17 pm #1118819 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Yeah, if it’s a small town, you constantly see a,k your exes and he’s your good friends dad…maybe it’s a guy to fantasisize about but not actually go for.

    My small move was touching his hand. I do think giving him the look that says, I want you with your clothes off as he looks up at you wondering why you’re clasping his hand. You’re an adult, you know the one I mean. That’s being being really forward if you don’t want to blow things up. I don’t know how you have casual sex with people this close to you in a small town and not blow things up. Just because I haven’t been there.

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