How can I make a move?
- This topic has 65 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 11 months, 1 week ago by
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“Oh my god, why does your ex-husband get any say at all in who you date?! To the point of limiting your options to only men outside of the town you live in? That’s wild.”
Because he didn’t accept the divorce yet, I guess. He says guys I’m seeing are hungry and by hanging out with them I will get a bad reputation. He also says if guys see me dating multiple ones, they will see me as an easy woman… I have been hanging out with good guys, gentle, good looking, and now that you mention it, I might change my point of view on that and do whatever I want.
Why do you give a shit about what your ex or “the townspeople” think of you?
Do you have children with your ex? Why does he matter? He’s your ex.
Ask him out for a drink. Asking him for advice aspbout insurance one night, years ago while you were married is nothing. That’s not a come on or a flirtation in anyway. If you can bed 25 and 30 year olds, this shouldn’t be so difficult.
I guess if you want your ex to rule your sex life, date a town over. If you think you’re doing something wrong, you are not, I can assure you.
I think you have to set better boundaries with your ex. He shouldn’t have this space in your head. He shouldn’t be able to engage with you at all about who you date.
My ex used to call me every day after we divorced. I told him to stop calling me every day. He was like, ok, how often should i call you? We figured out whatever. My point is, YOU call the shots, not him. And if you need to go elsewhere to meet men, DO IT. Your dating pool is larger than just guys you know in town.
I grew up in a tiny town where everyone is nosy. I lived there briefly after I moved back after college and every move I made was literally the talk of the town (the old ladies in town.) my boyfriend and I were dissected. We were asked to everyone’s thanksgiving dinners. I’m not kidding. I get it, if it’s like that.
Guess what I did? I moved.
We moved to a small “city” of 90,000. When we broke up a few years later, he was so awkward and weird about it as soon as a job came up in the city I’d been eyeing, I went. You don’t have to live with your ex in your backyard.
I know you have a kid with your ex-husband but outside of maintaining a friendly or cordial relationship as needed for your kid’s sake, whoooooo cares that your ex wants you to date someone he doesn’t know? He doesn’t get a say in that!
And once again, asking about insurance is not a hint. While married at that. (Why were you dropping (non-hint) hints while married in the first place?) Looking at someone is not dropping a hint. Complimenting weight loss is inappropriate, IMO, and also not a hint.
If you’re THIS concerned about the optics and fallout but willing to go to nearby towns for a casual fling with a hometown daddy, why not download a dating app and set a wide range (both for geography and age) to see if you find any attractive singles?
Thanks for your replies. We do have a kid together. We live in the same neighborhood and he can see who is coming or leaving my building. He knows who I have been dating because he is friend with almost all waiters in our city and the usual customers of these bars. He knows everyone. I don’t want to move as I have my parents leaving near and my job in the same city. My kid also goes to school in the same neighborhood. I guess I have to put some boundaries with him and start doing what I want. I never thought about this situation with my ex to be such a matter. But in fact he tries ton control me for whatever reason and it’s not healthy. You are right.
I like this guy for many years. I’ve been married but wasn’t in love for last 2/3 years, that’s why I divorced. But I never cheated on him. I used to flirt with guys sometimes but never went further.
I am still online dating, I have the apps sometimes I meet good guys but somehow I got stuck on this one guy…
From now on, your billed husband gets zero say in your dating life. He has a problem with it? Too bad. Kept your conversations limited and centered around your kid. If he asks you about your dating life, tell him it’s not his business unless and until you’re serious enough with someone that you might want to introduce your kid to him. In the mean time, you may want to discuss the general idea of introducing your kid to future partners if you haven’t yet so that those boundaries are very clear, understood, and agreed-upon to avoid unnecessary drama and manipulation going forward.
You shouldn’t be so close to your ex. This isn’t healthy. He keeps tabs on you. That’s weird. He shouldn’t be watching your apartment building, that’s totally bizarre. You shouldn’t go out to businesses that tell your ex who you’re eating with. Move the next town over. It’s a little drive, you’re still close to everyone and your ex backs off. IDK.
Glad we got to the root of the real situation, the controlling/judging/abusive ex.
Yikes. But seriously, fuck him.
It’s not that complicated in fact. You are right. I just have to set my boundaries from now on and do what I feel is best for me. I was overthinking it because of him and what other might think of it. But I don’t give a shit. If I want to try, I will. I see everything clearer now. So thank you so much for this! Now I just have to think of how and when to make a hint on him, a real one!!
