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“How Can I Make the Break-up Pain Go Away Quicker?”

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  • #1030530 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy

    From a LW:

    “I’m not feeling my best right now. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I’m heartbroken. He had so much going on with his schedule. He took 7 classes in film school, was working on getting signed to an agency and becoming an actor, and he had just gotten a new job. I had just taken the semester off of college to figure myself out, find a job, and help my family in the process. It also didn’t help that I live in New Jersey, about 15 minutes away from Manhattan on a train, and he lives in Brooklyn. It was like a disaster waiting to happen. I’m still hurting so bad cause he even told me that he had feelings for me but he was unhappy with how hard it was for him, and I can’t say that I wasn’t feeling okay with how difficult our circumstances were either. I’m still sitting here crying cause it hurts like hell. He’s still such a good person and we’re both down to be friends cause we both still care, but I’m so upset right now. What can I do to help the hurt and pain go away quicker? How do I keep pushing forward even though I’m heartbroken like crazy?”

    #1030543 Reply

    One of the best ways to make the break-up pain go away faster is to set a goal just for yourself. If it’s a physical goal, that’s even better, because your whole system (mind, spirit) will respond when your body is stimulated. Start small, build small, but be consistent.

    This is assuming you actually want an answer to the question and weren’t just venting about wanting him back.

    #1030545 Reply

    Unfortunately, trying to be “friends” is going to drag out the pain. It’s much better to just move on completely, not stay in contact (go no-contact for 60 days *at least* and then re-assess). Moving right from romance to trying to be friends is a bad idea because you’re still devoting a lot of emotional energy to this person and hanging onto hope. Do the no-contact, stick with it, and start talking to other guys when you’re ready.

    #1030547 Reply

    I agree that trying to maintain a friendship right now will only prolong your pain. You need to take a break from the emotional attachment. I think focusing on yourself, getting into a routine of caring for your body, sleeping well, reaching out to friends and family and setting some goals for yourself is the best way to move forward.

    Taking a break from being friends with him isn’t mean, it’s self preservation.

    Take care of yourself and good luck.

    #1030661 Reply

    I’m not understanding why you broke up with him? You liked him, he seemed like he liked you. He is crazy busy and you have a lot going on also but maybe you just needed to take a step back?

    If you are convinced the break up is best for you, then embrace the suck. Schedule time to cry and be miserable. Lean into it with all your might. Listen to sad songs, watch Titanic if you must. When the time is up, you tell yourself, “That’s it until tomorrow.” You will find that you need less time to grieve after a few days. I don’t know why this works but it does.

    #1030663 Reply

    I wonder too about the break up: why? The distance? Lack of time to meet? I wonder also what you are doing where you are. “Figure yourself out, find a job, help you family”…: that doesn’t sound very exciting. Meanwhile, your ex attends 7 classes to be an actor. There is quite a disconnection here. Are you sure you made the right move to go back to your parents? Why would you do that? Couldn’t you find a job where you were, closer to your boyfriend ? Had you both plans to reunify? It seems that the breakup occured suddenly and without much reflexion.
    Anyway, that ex-boyfriend seems a bit self-centered with his 7 classes. I think that I would consider the option to rediscuss the situation with him, if you think that there is a possibility to find a practical solution to live closer, and if he wasn’t dismissive with you. Are you ready to move? To give it another chance?
    If the breakup is definitive, then I suggest that you focus on your own career. What can you do to be excited about your life, your goals, your future? Think of yourself. Stop helping your family (whatever that means). What are your deep whishes in life? Achieve them, pursue them. You are young, catch the chance.

    #1031296 Reply

    Make a clean cut from your ex-boyfriend. Do not stay friend because you will only feel hurt more due to the memories and feeling you have for him. It could make you depress over prolong period of time if you stay friend. Allow yourself to cry freely for few days. Keep yourself busy with work, bench watch your favorite movies on netflix, listen to sad music (it will hurt like hell, make you cry even more) then listen to healing music (it will help you feel better). Exercise daily to help increase endorphin and at the same time help yourself stay healthy and fit. Go shopping, go restaurant or coffee shop with your good friend(s). Love yourself!

    #1031319 Reply

    Do not stay in contact with him. Whether he is nice is immaterial. Be friends with him in a year.

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