This topic contains 19 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by BakerBabe 5 months ago.
March 5, 2018 at 2:48 pm #741854
I’m with everyone else in suggesting that you live with roommates or on your own for a bit before moving in with your boyfriend. You can still see him a lot if you have separate places. Lots of college kids do it. Moving on your own is a huge step in its own right. I would consider doing it without also tying it to your romantic relationship.
On a related note, 20 year olds break up quite often. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where I broke up and had to find new housing.
You are young. Give these things time.March 5, 2018 at 3:18 pm #741860
Agreeing with the others here. If you want your parents to support you financially and be fine with this arrangement… likely not going to happen. If you are already financially independent – great! You are still not going to get your parents approval and depending on your relationship with your parents it could get quite tense. You know them best and what their reaction is likely to be. They could simply cry and go to church, scream at you and have the priest talk to you. They could disown you. Parents are weird – regardless of religion.
And I seriously agree with the “he needs to learn how to take care of his home” thing. Although rare, many men do not know how to do basics like laundry, mopping, vacuuming and cleaning kitchens/bathroom. He should learn to do that if he’s living alone or with roommates and you demand he clean up those areas if you are going to visit him and stay over (demand it – it is important).March 5, 2018 at 8:24 pm #741905
All I have to say is, thank you. Thank you everyone who took the time to read my post and gave me some of the best advice I could ask for.
Reading some of these replies, gave me a new perspective on this kind of thing. I am moving out of my parents, but will be finding an apartment with a friend from high school who will also be attending that same college, but I’m going to reconsider having my boyfriend move in with the two of us.
I was torn between having him move in and just let myself have this experience on my own and with my friend. My boyfriend has told his friends and all and I’ve been keeping it in the dark from everyone. I was on the fence about this.
Fyodor, thank you for what you said. I am young, so where is the rush in moving in? It was something I needed to hear, being that I am no longer going to be in the same house with my parents. They’ve taught me to work hard and to be independent, so I am supporting myself, just without all my mom’s good cooking
Once again, thank you everyone for the replies and advice.March 5, 2018 at 8:48 pm #741908
Nancy, you have no idea how refreshing it is to hear a reply like yours. I’m glad we gave you some food for thought.
One thing I would add with the additional information is that it could be a very tough dynamic living with a friend and a boyfriend.March 7, 2018 at 5:00 pm #742199
All I can tell you is some parents are really weird about moving in together. They are not going to like it. My now husband and I moved in together after college very much against his parent’s wishes. We were moving to Alaska for grad school and honestly, we both could not afford our own place…it just made sense. We lived together 7 years. His mom was not happy about this – for example she never mentioned me in the yearly Christmas letter even though we visited his parents every year and we got along well (no small feat to afford plane tickets from Alaska on a grad student salary). Then we got married…and we have now been together for 25 years. My advice to you is to be prepared for your parents to not financially support you if you move in together. Can you afford your own college? If they are paying your way and threaten to stop supporting you then honestly, you should share a place with girl friends for now. Then when you are done with college do not ask your parents permission. You and your boyfriend get jobs, start grad school, get your own place, and TELL you parents you now live together. They will won’t like it and will tsk tsk…but they will get over it.March 13, 2018 at 12:22 pm #742895
Sounds like you made a good decision Nancy, best of luck in the future! And you’re actually lucky that your parents think it’s ok after engagement – I’m 33 and my very Catholic mom thinks that even if I get engaged to my boyfriend (of 4 years) that we should wait until actually getting married until moving in together. Insert eyeroll here.March 13, 2018 at 1:44 pm #742930
Everyone in my family is pretty Catholic but surprisingly I did not have that much push-back when I announced that my then-boyfriend and I would be moving in together. I got some “wow so I hope you’re serious about each other!” comments but beyond that I didn’t think much of it.
BUT that’s the thing. I didn’t really think of anyone else’s opinion. Sure, I obviously care about my family and I want them to get along with my boyfriend (now fiancé) but I didn’t exactly write a forum about it. If you’re still wondering “how to tell your parents” I am inclined to say you guys may not yet be ready to move in together.
First of all, who is paying for this? Are you both supporting yourselves? Who is responsible for paying rent? Is it you? If you’re both financially supporting yourselves, then at least you don’t have to worry about your parents financially pulling out the rug from under you. It wouldn’t be fair if your parents paid for your rent and then you go and do something that is clearly against their beliefs.
Second, why move in together now? You’re both in college and in a very “unstable” time in your lives. By unstable I mean there’s likely going to be a lot of change in the next few years. I understand you are serious and I feel for you since I moved in with my BF at a young age, also 2 years into our relationship. However, by the time we did it we already knew where we would be in the next few years and agreed to do together.
If after all this you are still CONVINCED you both should move in together now, then I advise that you just tell your parents you are moving in with your boyfriend, have lunch with them over it, then later on have lunch with them and your BF to go over logistics (no personal talk like whether or not he’s going to make an honest woman out of you) just logistics and plans so they feel a part of this transition and take it from there.March 13, 2018 at 1:45 pm #742932
You know what? Just read through the thread. Good decision!