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How do I convince my bf to get a dog?

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  • This topic has 14 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 5 days ago by avatarcaramia1973.
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 15 total)
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  • #995800 Reply
    avatarVanessa
    Guest

    Hi.
    Advice needed.
    How do i convince my bf to get a dog?
    He always worked and works from home.
    I’m working from home too and have been working from home for months.

    We are financially stable to have a dog.
    We have a house and a garden. There are 2 huge parks near by and multiple vets.
    I have had dogs before.

    We absolute adore dogs.

    He’s convinced that a dog is like a child and that now is not the right time.
    But the time could not be better ever.

    Ok fair enough we don’t have a car. But that can be easily fixed.

    #996071 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    Hi Vanessa, you don’t. Having a pet does have aspects of child care to it. It is a full-time responsibility. He works and home, and most of the work with the dog, would fall to him. You are working from home now, but that may not always be the case.
    You could offer to do the majority of the caring but that could lead to resentment or your part or times when you can’t do it, and then he is “stuck”.
    Unless both of you are equally excited to take on the chores and expenses associated with a pet; this is a no go in my opinion.

    #996171 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    I don’t think you should try to convince your bf to get a dog. He thinks this is a bad time to get one. He doesn’t want the stress right now. Why would you pester him about it? Everyone’s under enough stress these days. Your reaction to the stress is to focus on something warm & cute. Your bf’s reaction is to not take on anything new while he’s already drowning. I don’t blame him. I’d murder my husband if he was insisting I take on more responsibilities.

    #996181 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I don’t think you should try to convince him or get a dog without his enthusiastic approval. It’s not fair to do that to a partner.

    #996186 Reply
    avatarCopa
    Participant

    You don’t. If he doesn’t want a dog right now, you shouldn’t be trying to talk him into one. Dogs are less work than children, sure, but they’re still work — especially if you get a puppy.

    #996189 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, I agree. I’m on my third dog as an adult, and the level of work and responsibility is a lot. Not to mention money. I’m on Zoom calls all day, and my dog is a very active 16-month-old. I wouldn’t be able to take him out on a regular schedule. He’d be making a commotion on camera. So he goes to day care, which he loves, but it’s $$$. He doesn’t have accidents, but he wakes us up at night to go to the bathroom. Someone (my husband these days) has to get up and put on clothes and go out in the cold.

    It’s just not something you should do unless both people are enthusiastically on board. You could promise to do everything yourself, but you wouldn’t be happy, and there’d be times you’d legit need help. This is my dad’s stance now, he says if my mom wants a dog she has to do all the walking and everything herself, because he doesn’t want to do that anymore, as much as he loves dogs, he’s just done with going out in the cold at night. So I mean, they’re not getting another dog. The last one broke both their hearts when she got cancer at 5 and died.

    I respect your partner’s stance that he just can’t.

    #996604 Reply
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    We rushed our dog to the emergency vet on Sunday evening because he was in terrible, unexplainable pain and spent $400 for them to misdiagnose him with a spinal injury. He actually had a simple ear infection that they missed by not doing a sufficient exam or adequate testing, and the next day the infection burst and blew open his ear drum – leading to another several hundred dollar trip to our own vet and several weeks of care while he heals. As the work from home dog-parent almost all of the responsibility for his care and the appointments fell to me.

    Dogs are expensive, time consuming balls of responsibility. You can certainly have a conversation where you ask what the “right time” might look like, if not now. Find out what would need to change and what could you do to facilitate those changes. You can also draw up an agreement on responsibility, and ask what you could do to make him comfortable getting a dog. But, yeah, he’s not wrong when he says dogs are like kids.

    #996955 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    That’s awful, golfer.gal. I didn’t want to get into the whole vet thing earlier, but yeah. Flea and tick & heart worm meds are like $100 every 3 months. For starters. My last dog jumped off a BRIDGE in the woods and ended up at the emergency vet for well over a grand. In middle age, he developed an immune-mediated arthritis condition that took time, visits to specialists, extensive testing, and many meds to figure out, all the while he was in a lot of pain. Only steroids worked for the pain, so add to that the extra vet care that being on long-term steroids requires. Then when he was 12 he had a couple rounds of vestibular disease. Then diabetes. Diabetes in dogs is a whoooooole-ass thing. At this point it really was like caring for an elderly *person*. Being on steroids complicated it. He went blind. He started getting up and wandering around all night and wouldn’t go back to bed unless maybe you lay on the floor with him. We got little sleep for 8 months. Then he died and we were devastated.

    Anyway.

    #996979 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    It’s not just older dog care either.

    My aunt’s beloved yorkie had to be put down in early 2020. My uncle had recently had a series of strokes and the dog was her comfort. So she got a new puppy, who is adorable but a ton of work. Turns out the puppy has a heart condition and needs surgery to repair it. Long story short, to keep the puppy healthy enough until surgery can be scheduled, the dog has a prescription for viagra.

    #997143 Reply
    avatarTheLadyE
    Guest

    I think what we’re all saying – which I agree with – is that if you’re in a relationship where you’re living together you both need to be gung ho about getting a dog. It’s the same idea as a human child. (Possibly not the same amount of work or expense, necessarily, but both people need to be all-in.)

    I’m on my 2nd dog(s) as an adult and it is expensive and time consuming as everyone says. It’s also the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. I got my first dog at 25 and she lived for 11 years. She was it for me. Apparently, her genetics were shit because my parents got her from a random small town breeder so while she was adorable and by far the smartest dog I’ve ever known, her teeth starting rotting out at age 3 and by age 11 she had 1 tooth left. From 3-10 she had probably 7-8 dental surgeries at $700-1000 each, I honestly lost count. Early on, my parents helped me with it because the upfront costs were hefty as a single woman trying to get established in her career.

    And then I lost her because of a rare genetic heart condition that is pretty much 100% fatal whenever it strikes. I have never been more devastated in my entire life.

    I will say, though, that the reason is because she was my everything. We grew up together and she gave me more love than anyone ever has, combined. She was there for me 100% of the time and she was my soul dog. My heart walking around outside my body. If I could do it all over again I would do it with zero hesitation. It was worth every penny and every tear.

    So much so, that 3.5 months later I adopted 2 little poodle sisters so my house would again be full of puppy energy. Unlike at age 25, I do have a boyfriend now, but we don’t live together (yet) and he is freaking amazing with my dogs. TBH they love him more than they love me, it seems like sometimes. When we move in together we will most likely split the responsibility for them but I will cover the cost, because they were mine to start with and I make more. If my boyfriend and I lived together before I got them, it would have definitely been a joint decision.

    Maybe volunteer with a local rescue for the breed of your choice with your boyfriend? Research what kind of dog would be best for your lifestyle, personalities, and budget. You can’t predict what might go wrong BUT you can, unlike with children, be a little more focused in what breed you think would work best. My family/I are poodle people because of allergies and also because of how dang smart they are. It’s the best decision(s) I’ve ever made, and in being so, also the most challenging.

    #997422 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Is this the kind of thing where you want to get a dog as a kind of surrogate child to “seal” the relationship? i.e., to lock him in to caring for something mutually? I’ve seen that happen, and it ain’t cool.

    #997509 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ
    Guest

    Yeah, dogs are way more work than just a couple of walks a day and plopping some food in a bowl. A couple of years ago, I lost my “soul dog” to kidney failure and before she passed, it was a couple of months of treatment and needles and enough in vet bills to pay for a decent car. New. I’ve never regretted it, but it was a lot.

    As I’ve been recently reminded because my older dog is most likely dying of … something. The vet can’t tell me what underlying cause of her problems is – not cancer, not organ failure, not diabetes…she’s just fading away. It’s likely she’s got Cushings disease but since it shows up as “equivocal” on the test, the vet won’t treat her for it because if we’re wrong it would kill her. We’re getting a second opinion Friday. But for now, it’s hand feeding, dealing with diarrhea and vomiting, and 24-hour monitoring to make sure she doesn’t fall or hurt herself. Not to mention the cost of the 5 vet visits, plus panels, tests, x-rays and ultrasounds, this month alone.

    My newest dog was a rescue and she vomited daily for 4 months due to the stress of being dumped by her previous owner who couldn’t take care of her and moved to a foster and then her forever home with me. Literally, she puked every morning between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. for 4 months straight. Cue vet visits and tests to make sure she wasn’t sick. She wasn’t she was just stressed. She’s fine now. Well, except she’s also got chronic dry eye, which requires drops in both eyes multiple times a day.

    I love both of my dogs. Doing these things isn’t a problem for me, but it is a *lot* of work. If both my husband and I weren’t 100% on board, I wouldn’t do it.

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