How do I cope with a busy boyfriend?
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Hi I’m a female (20) in a relationship with male (20) both of us in our 3rd year of college. We’re both studying engineering but different specific types so don’t have classes together. We’ve been together for about a year now. We both are very academically inclined and prioritize our education and career above all. It is something we talked about at the beginning of the relationship and both agreed we wanted the best for each other and didn’t want to stop each other from growing and taking opportunities.
This semester, my class work load is a lot but not enough to significantly stress me out along with starting a new research position. On the other hand, he is stressed already about his course load and also starting a new research position in a lab. These past few weeks, I have tried my best being there for him when he needs to talk and comforting him when he needs it. I’ve been in his shoes so I understand how it feels.
With this, I have also been missing him a lot. Previously, we would spend days at a time together simply relaxing or going out and such but not our time has been limited to just Friday night dates. We both live in separate apartments for context. I appreciate it that he not only takes the time to text me but to also schedule a date every Friday for us to spend time together.
But to me, I can’t help but miss him the rest of the week. I do distract myself and spend a fair share of my days 7 am to 5 pm working and going to classes so I would not say I’m not busy enough.
My question is, how do I overcome missing him? I don’t want to add stress to his schedule and make him spend more time with me, as much as I would love that, but I want to see this from his perspective and realise that he genuinely is busy. I want the best for him and to continue supporting whatever he needs to do to nurture his career.I’m not clear on whether the issue is that you’re missing your boyfriend specifically or you’re just lonely. If you just don’t like spending time alone or are feeling lonely during the week, do you have friends? Make plans with them during the week. Go join a social club or activity to do a couple of times a week or take a hobby class. Basically, expand your social life beyond your boyfriend.
And if you’re doing all that and the issue is that you miss him specifically, remember that this is a temporary situation and that work and school commitments will ebb and flow. He’ll have more time soon. In the meantime, fill your days with your own preferred activities. You’ll miss him less if you’re also busy living your life.
I think that it’s also OK to consider whether this relationship is a good fit for you. It would be one thing if you were married and had to make some sacrifices for a fixed period of time. 20 is awfully young to be in a relationship where you only see someone once a week.
If you’re busier you’re still going to miss him, but you won’t have as much time to linger on it. So get busy! Join a group, take up a hobby, get a part time job.
Do you have roommates? Friends? Fun extracurriculars? Those are the things I spent the most time focusing on in college, even when I was dating someone. You sound very focused on academics, so perhaps something like joining an intramural sports team or doing something creative would be a fun outlet. One of my college roommates who was pre-med took art classes for fun to balance out her science-heavy classes and lab-heavy work.
In law school, I had to devote a lot more time to school. My then-boyfriend and I studied together often, which may be an option for you two. It’s not the most exciting way to spend time together, though, and made our relationship less fun IMO.
You say you’re already busy, but when you’re “missing him” is it because you’re alone and lonely or you want to be with specifically him?
I read it as specifically she’d like to spend more time with her bf and not that the issue was loneliness.
I agree that at 20, I would want to see my bf more than a night a week. The thing is, he’s only available one night right now. Why can’t he stay over or vice versa any of those nights?
Talk to him. Tell him you wish you could see him more than one night. See where the conversation leads.
