Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I deal with this?

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarbrise.
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  • #962330 Reply

    So about three weeks ago I was feeling a bit down over my breakup with my ex, and I shared those feelings with my bestfriend. After I had poured my heart out she decided to post a picture of him on her status with the caption “Ahhhh” and a tongue sticking out emoji.

    I felt hurt over what she did, I know that her and him keep in touch and I never really had an issue with that. I told her as clearly and as respectfully as I could that I didn’t like what she did and I tried my best to understand where she was coming from. She told me “that’s just what friends do” and that it’s an “inside joke” and also pointed out that another friend of ours always posted him, which she doesn’t and even so they had been friends for years prior to us dating while my bestfriend and I met my ex around the same time. I again communicated to her that although it was an “inside joke” I had no way of knowing that and that I still felt it was a bit much on her end. She twisted it on me and told me “You should have known my intentions” and I told her that that’s not how things work. Anyways she ended up apologizing rather insincerely may I add ( she said “ I’m sorry then.” ) and I asked her for some space because I was still very upset.

    Fast forward three weeks I wake up to a text from her that read “ I am so disappointed in you I have no words honestly, maybe it’s cause I’m having a mental breakdown but the fact you have the guts to abandon me and act as if you’re taking a break shows how one sided this friendship is and it’s heartbreaking. I’m always there for you regardless of what im going through, Ignore my instagram post.” When I went to check instagram which I hadn’t since I had just woken up, I saw a text from her from the night before which was basically a goodbye text insinuating she was going to take her own life. I told her that I didn’t know what she was going through, but that I asked for some space and that was all, I expressed to her that she was being manipulative and that I felt this wasn’t an appropriate way to communicate, and that if she was going through something I’m more than willing to help.

    She didn’t care and accused me of being a horrible friend for not being there for her (again I have no Idea what she is going through), that she is allowed to vent and that I am never there for her when she needs me which isn’t true, I really tried to talk to her and tell her that I felt like her behavior was unacceptable and that it was hard for me to talk to her if she keeps accusing me of things I didn’t do, but she just didn’t get it. She posted publicly that I was a bad friend and insinuated that if anything happened to her it’s because everyone had abandoned her. We have been close friends for about 7 years but I don’t think I can carry on with this friendship after this. I truly care for her and I want to be there for her but not when she’s acting like this, I just wanted to know if my view on this was too extreme and what I should do moving forward, I feel as though maybe I might be wrong in some way and I really need some insight. By the way we are 18 (idk if knowing our ages help.)

    #962333 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    IDK what is going on here and the particulars don’t really matter. Friends shouldn’t cause you this much trauma and drama. It’s okay to stop being friends with people. Even friends you’ve know for a long time. For some reason, people always try to cling to bad friendships like they try to cling to bad relationships. If someone makes you feel devalued and unhappy and you go through multiple rounds of drama with them, then…stop being around them.

    #962338 Reply

    Your friend sounds manipulative and toxic. If she is making sucidual treats you should call 911 and request a wellfare check because of her sucidual threats, if you know where she lives, but if not contact one of her relatives and let them know you are concerned and think someone should check on her. If she is bsing on the sucidual threats hopefully that will be enough to embarrass her and call her bluff. After that I’d let her know that the friendship needs a break and that you are not in a place to deal with her mental health issues. I’d block her on social media and on your phone.

    Also good/best friends don’t post pictures of their friends ex’s with an emoji stinking its tongue out with caption “Ahhhhh”. esp. after they pour their heart out about the relationship.

    #962340 Reply

    “a picture of him on her status with the caption “Ahhhh” and a tongue sticking out emoji…”

    I’m not even sure what this is supposed to mean. You’re reading ill intent into this, I guess? Is it supposed to mean she thinks he’s hot? Or that she thinks he’s a dick? It’s not clear to me.

    Anyway, when you say to someone: “you’re so manipulative, but I’m here for you” — hahaha! C’mon. Do you really think that person feels supported in that moment? You had a choice to de-escalate or not, and it all depends on the history that you’ve had with her. Has she been manipulative in the past? Shady? Shitty? If NOT, I would definitely cut a friend some slack and give her support. HAS it been one-sided, if you’re honest with yourself? Is she always the one supporting you through all your feelings, or is it mutual?

    Also, how long have you been broken up with this ex? A year? A week? That makes a difference.

    #962362 Reply

    I think this friendship is dead. Her emoji post was very wrong and you didn’t react properly about her suicidal post. You can’t say that someone “insinuates” they are going to commit suicide. That is below zero in terms of empathy. But you can’t either engage in an emotional blackmail about suicide. This friendship has become completely nasty and you should refrain from any more escalation, in order to stop hurting each other like this. Don’t react to her public post, don’t contact her, and if she does contact you again about suicide, do take action and call a helpline. Don’t criticise her or try to justify yourself toward common friends. It is the respectful thing to do now for you both. She needs therapy. And it is better not to answer than to say hurtful things. It is tough, but it is like this. Friendships end sometimes. And people know that. They won’t judge you or her.

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