Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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This topic contains 16 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar ron 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #846256 Reply
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    Essie
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    You can’t change him. You just can’t.

    I know you want to blame the girlfriend for being the evil woman who changed your dad and save him from her, but the honest truth is that she couldn’t have changed him either. All of the bad choices he’s made? They’re his choices, unless she was literally pointing a gun at his head. When he’s chosen her over his family? That’s on him, not her. A better man would have chosen differently.

    But he’s not that better man. He’s weak and flawed and selfish. Like most humans are. He makes bad choices, and those bad choices hurt his family.

    It may be that you just have to step away from him for your own mental health. That’s OK to do if you feel you have to. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad daughter.

    #846258 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    First and foremost – stop giving him money. Talk to your mom. Get a new bank account. Transfer everything there to the new account. If you need an adult’s name on your account, put your mom’s (it’s unlikely though).

    Second, while it’s admirable to worry about your sister – you need to protect yourself. If you are in the states, your too old to be compelled to see your dad unless you want to. Ask your mom about going before a judge if needed to amend any parenting agreement. It won’t take long and I don’t think your dad would need to be there. Ensure your relationship with your ex-step mom is strong and let her know what you’re up to.

    Your dad is going through something and he’s making some bad bad bad choices. You’re learning at a young age that people can be really stupid and self destructive. Most adults don’t have it all figured out, but it’s clear that your dad has issues. He doesn’t get to make them your issue though. Perhaps one day the fog will clear and he’ll be able to see this nonsense for what it is. Until then you can tell him that you don’t like who he is when he’s with this woman, that you have no desire to spend time with the two of them and you pity him.

    You have a lot more control of your life than your dad realizes and he doesn’t get to make you his or this woman’s punching bag anymore.

    #846259 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    *you’re too old. Ugh.

    #846262 Reply
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    saneinca

    If your father is a tool allowing your his kids treated like trash, why do you blame the GF?

    And where is the baby sister’s mother in all this ? If your sister is not being treated well, shouldn’t you tell her mother so she can change custody arrangements?

    And I am curious to know how you have access to thousands of dollars to lend your father as a teenager ?

    #846268 Reply
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    ron

    You need to talk to your mother to revise custody agreement so that you don’t have to spend two days a week with your father. These visits are harming you and you are old enough to credibly explain that to a judge, if need be — also you have the medical records to back you up.

    You probably see yourself as partially your baby sister’s protector, but that isn’t realistic. You aren’t even able to truly protect yourself and you are only thee 2 days a week. Now isn’t likely the time, because it will anger your father and his gf, but you need to alert baby sister’s mother after you end your own visits. You are less than a year from being an adult and able to cancel on your own say so, but it sounds like you need to move faster than that.

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