how do i handle this situation?

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 11 months ago by Anonymousse.
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  • clover
    June 22, 2023 at 4:28 pm #1123423

    Allow me to set the scene: I’ve been trying to hanging out with my friend, we’ll call them A, for around a month now but I haven’t been able to. I’ve been busy and my parents are very strict about me going out. We’ve finally been able to plan going to a pride event together this saturday, which will be the first time we’ve seen each other since school let out a little over a month ago.

    At the same time, I went through a breakup in April and things have been…awkward to say the least. We’ll call this guy B. I’m still on good terms with B, but im not over my feelings for him, despite the fact that he no longer has romantic feelings for and he just wasn’t ready for a committed relationship. It has gotten to a point where texting him makes me think of our time together and it sends me spiraling so I’ve gone no contact. (extended context, i didn’t preface this NC period with him because when we were together, he would just drop contact completely so it seems only fair. This could be a fault on my end, but still.)

    I would hang out with A and B together previously but since the breakup, we haven’t really done anything like that. My problem now is that ive found out that A invited B to the event Saturday and im not sure what to do. I’ve only been NC for about a week and a half, so what should i do?
    Should I break the NC so things aren’t weird when we hang out, or should i just leave things the way they are and see how things play out Saturday? Or I could not go all together, but that seems like the more extreme option, mainly because A and I have been looking forward to hanging out with each other for a while. I dont mind B going, im just not sure how to approach the current situation

    June 22, 2023 at 5:30 pm #1123425

    Have you told A about being NC with B? If not I’d have that conversation first.

    June 22, 2023 at 8:22 pm #1123426

    You actually don’t have to do anything. B doesn’t even know you’ve gone NC, right?

    June 23, 2023 at 4:59 am #1123427

    No, he’s not aware but I haven’t spoken or replied to him in about a week and some change so take that as you will

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    June 23, 2023 at 7:51 am #1123429

    So, you are the only person in this situation who knows or cares that you have gone NC with B. It is entirely your own feelings you need to think about and if seeing B is going to ruin your good time or send you spiraling, don’t go. Find another time to hang with A and explain ahead of time (via phone or whatever) that you are taking some space from B to let yourself process and get over the end of your relationship with him. If you think you’ll be fine seeing B on Saturday, just go and enjoy yourself. Since you’re the only person who knows you’ve gone NC with B, there’s no need to reach out and explain anything to anyone. Again, you are the person who has the tender feelings around this situation so do what is most protective of your feelings (everyone else will be fine!).

    June 23, 2023 at 9:35 am #1123432

    As Wendy said, you should consider your own feelings first and foremost.

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how do i handle this situation?

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