- January 21, 2020 at 7:44 am #873005KateKeymaster
Mmm, but pedestrians risk being harassed, kidnapped, or struck by a passing vehicle. Better to stay in the house.January 21, 2020 at 9:05 am #873016HelenGuest
Girl you have anxiety. I say this with the authority of having an anxiety disorder myself (OCD) You can choose to never have sex and be fine. But the anxiety is holding you back. See a drJanuary 21, 2020 at 9:17 am #873018anonymousseMember
Ron is totally right that you should not be giving anyone relationship advice. You need to create some boundaries with your friends and stop listening to their relationship woes.January 21, 2020 at 10:37 am #873026January 21, 2020 at 10:17 pm #873120JosephineGuest
I’d like to thank everyone for participating and taking time out of your day to share your thoughts and challenge mine. Please continue.
You guys have helped me realize that emotional intimacy terrifies me and virginity is just my way of avoiding even stage one of it. I hate getting vulnerable and find comfort in Gypsy persona/traveling non-stop/being too preoccupied to gamble heartache let alone lose my virginity. Thank you. Please continue the honest insight.January 21, 2020 at 11:03 pm #873125MaltaKanoGuest
Everyone else has covered the important points, but I wanted to add some encouragement. I was late to sex as well – it was amazing how once I got into therapy for my anxiety disorder, I was way more ready to dive in and have fun with it. Sex is fun! It feels awesome!
My cognitive-behavioral therapy regimen included a lot of rebutting my fear-based statements. A few examples:
“I’ll get pregnant.” Well, birth control is highly effective, and you’re old enough where a surprise pregnancy isn’t a life-changer the way it would be for a teenager. You are strong enough to make the right decision for you in that moment.
“I’ll get an STD.” Again, protection. You can ask your partner to get tested first. And anyway, most STDs are treatable and not that big of a deal. Lots and lots of folks get them, take some antibiotics, and move on.
“I’ll get my heart broken.” Yep. Join the club. As my mom said after my first breakup, “now you can enjoy sad country music more.” Sex doesn’t really change that – you’re too old to have delusions about a guy “taking” your virginity and therefore taking something pure and good and whole from you forever.
Every time a bad thought pops into your mind, practice soothing yourself with positive statements like that. Affirm your strength and capability. I promise that once you rip the bandaid off, it just won’t feel like a big deal. Good luck!January 21, 2020 at 11:17 pm #873126JosephineGuest
MaltaKano, thanks a bunch for that ! Its nice to know I’m not alone and there are people who share my intimacy struggles. Still freaks me out…I keep finding so many men who are immoral dogsJanuary 21, 2020 at 11:18 pm #873127JosephineGuest
I think I’ll just go ahead and die a virginJanuary 21, 2020 at 11:21 pm #873128MaltaKanoGuest
How are you meeting men? What’s your social life like?January 22, 2020 at 1:02 am #873130BittergaymarkGuest
Wanting to sleep with somebody does not make a man (or woman!) a bad person. Or — and I quote — an immoral dog.”
LW, you have unhealthy views of sex and you will be much happier if you sort all that nonsense out. For starters, you presently sound… very unhappy.January 22, 2020 at 9:26 am #873179anonymousseMember
I wonder what kind of people you surround yourself with if all the women have these horror stories of sex and relationships gone wrong and all men are immoral dogs.
Have you made an appointment with a therapist?January 22, 2020 at 9:29 am #873183BittergaymarkGuest
A therapist is a profoundly good idea. Therapy can help put things into a better perspective.