Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I navigate through the dating world as a 27 year old virgin?

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Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 38 total)
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  • #873005 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Mmm, but pedestrians risk being harassed, kidnapped, or struck by a passing vehicle. Better to stay in the house.

    #873016 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Girl you have anxiety. I say this with the authority of having an anxiety disorder myself (OCD) You can choose to never have sex and be fine. But the anxiety is holding you back. See a dr

    #873018 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Ron is totally right that you should not be giving anyone relationship advice. You need to create some boundaries with your friends and stop listening to their relationship woes.

    #873026 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy
    Keymaster
    #873120 Reply
    avatarJosephine
    Guest

    I’d like to thank everyone for participating and taking time out of your day to share your thoughts and challenge mine. Please continue.

    You guys have helped me realize that emotional intimacy terrifies me and virginity is just my way of avoiding even stage one of it. I hate getting vulnerable and find comfort in Gypsy persona/traveling non-stop/being too preoccupied to gamble heartache let alone lose my virginity. Thank you. Please continue the honest insight.

    #873125 Reply
    avatarMaltaKano
    Guest

    Everyone else has covered the important points, but I wanted to add some encouragement. I was late to sex as well – it was amazing how once I got into therapy for my anxiety disorder, I was way more ready to dive in and have fun with it. Sex is fun! It feels awesome!

    My cognitive-behavioral therapy regimen included a lot of rebutting my fear-based statements. A few examples:

    “I’ll get pregnant.” Well, birth control is highly effective, and you’re old enough where a surprise pregnancy isn’t a life-changer the way it would be for a teenager. You are strong enough to make the right decision for you in that moment.

    “I’ll get an STD.” Again, protection. You can ask your partner to get tested first. And anyway, most STDs are treatable and not that big of a deal. Lots and lots of folks get them, take some antibiotics, and move on.

    “I’ll get my heart broken.” Yep. Join the club. As my mom said after my first breakup, “now you can enjoy sad country music more.” Sex doesn’t really change that – you’re too old to have delusions about a guy “taking” your virginity and therefore taking something pure and good and whole from you forever.

    Every time a bad thought pops into your mind, practice soothing yourself with positive statements like that. Affirm your strength and capability. I promise that once you rip the bandaid off, it just won’t feel like a big deal. Good luck!

    #873126 Reply
    avatarJosephine
    Guest

    MaltaKano, thanks a bunch for that ! Its nice to know I’m not alone and there are people who share my intimacy struggles. Still freaks me out…I keep finding so many men who are immoral dogs

    #873127 Reply
    avatarJosephine
    Guest

    I think I’ll just go ahead and die a virgin

    #873128 Reply
    avatarMaltaKano
    Guest

    How are you meeting men? What’s your social life like?

    #873130 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Wanting to sleep with somebody does not make a man (or woman!) a bad person. Or — and I quote — an immoral dog.”

    LW, you have unhealthy views of sex and you will be much happier if you sort all that nonsense out. For starters, you presently sound… very unhappy.

    #873179 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I wonder what kind of people you surround yourself with if all the women have these horror stories of sex and relationships gone wrong and all men are immoral dogs.

    Have you made an appointment with a therapist?

    #873183 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    A therapist is a profoundly good idea. Therapy can help put things into a better perspective.

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