Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I navigate through the dating world as a 27 year old virgin?

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  • #873203 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Hey Indigo, in case it’s not clear yet, we don’t talk like that. Stop with the confrontation. I’m temporarily deleting your comments and closing these threads.

    #874633 Reply
    avatarmellanthe
    Participant

    I didn’t rush into having sex, personally. I waited til it felt right – quite a bit later than ‘average’, but hardly geriatric. The man I lost my virginity to was patient and kind and loving, and worth the wait. I’m glad that I felt like everything was right at the time. Peraps I wish the circumstances aligned a bit sooner, but I don’t think I’d have been happier if I rushed into it just to get it over.

    Anyone who won’t wait for you to be ready simply isn’t worth your time.

    Sex with someone who makes you feel safe, comfortable and desired (and loved, if that’s what you need) is a wonderful thing. Some people are happy to have sex with a friend, or a cute stranger. Or whatever. All of us are different. If you need more security, wait until it feels right for you. Some people just need to get it over with. But for others, it really has to happen at the ‘right’ time.

    I do want to say though, as a late bloomer, that it’s not that big a deal. Really! To be honest, I consider my ‘first’ to be the time that I first got naked and touchy with a guy, not the first time the P hit the V – because all intimacy and sex acts are along the spectrum of sex. By the time I got to ‘technical virginity’ losing, it was all very nice, but a lot less of a big deal than the first time you get naked with someone. So if it all seems a lot to do at once you can do things in stages, as long as you trust someone to listen to you and not rush you.

    But keep looking for the right curcimstances for that to happen. If you need a relationship with a nice man for that, keep looking! You should only save it until marriage if you want to. But bear in mind that if you do- you might marry a man youre not sexualy compatible with, and who doesnt’ excite you in the bedroom.

    And think about whether you actually want sex. Perhaps exploring the terms asexual or aromantic might help you decide what you want out of your sexuality.

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