- This topic has 1,137 replies, 26 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 1 week ago by Pandora.
- October 16, 2019 at 11:36 am #854691
@jkk, he linked to pics of himself, twice.October 16, 2019 at 11:46 am #854694anonymousseParticipant
I agree it’s probably not solely the pants that’s not getting you matches, but I do think your wardrobe is aging you considerably.
That, plus the interviewing questions to save yourself time, plus the Christmas obsession is putting women off. Even the water thing might be a subtle turn off. I am also wondering how your latest event went. How old would you say most of the women are? Are there more single men looking for women, or vice versa?October 16, 2019 at 12:00 pm #854695SkyblossomParticipant
@Donna I liked “The Like Switch” so much I bought it for my kids. They both have long term, supportive friendships but I think it would be beneficial for both of them in the work world to consciously understand how body language affects your life. I want them to be able to see how others use these techniques, many of those people unconsciously, and see people who don’t. I also want them to know when people are using techniques on them.
I had the book through the Libby app too! I love using Libby.October 16, 2019 at 12:02 pm #854696SkyblossomParticipant
I’m also interested in the male/female ratio at these dating events and the ages of the women. I personally wouldn’t want a guy who was more than five years older than me. I like being with someone who is at the same point in life that I am.October 16, 2019 at 12:55 pm #854699
I’d be curious how many matches the average person gets a speed dating event. It may be that many participants walk away without matches. If there’s a way to find out — e.g., if you always go to events hosted by the same company, they may have stats available to you? — you can decide if speed dating is worth the effort. Online dating may not feel any more organic, but it can at least be done on your own time.October 16, 2019 at 1:36 pm #854701PeggyGuest
Robert-I know you are not deliberately “over-thinking”. What I am getting at,is it seems to be a natural state for you ( to list,fuss,have rigid ideas “over”plan etc.) I think loosening up and just “going with the flow” on a date or a speed date etc. would help your cause. As currently reflected in your clothing/attire-you likely seem stiff and formal and “over rehearsed” to the women you are meeting in person and on-line.October 16, 2019 at 1:43 pm #854702
Like, if what you’re doing is working, then fine to stick to what you’re doing. But it’s not working. You last had a girlfriend 16 years ago. You said you’ve had few to no dates for 5 years. You’re lonely. It’s way past time to step out of your rigid comfort zone, try some jeans on, get some therapy, get a new cool haircut, a profile re-do, be open to doing some new activities. I can’t stress enough that what you’re doing *is not working* and *will not work*.
You seem resistant to spending money, and I understand being on a budget, but these things are actually an investment in your future happiness. And not all that expensive. You could go to an upscale salon on the day they do classes (call to find out) and get a free haircut. Jeans are $24 on Amazon and Target. Profile re-writes are tens of dollars, not thousands.October 16, 2019 at 2:49 pm #854707
Hey, Robert, I was doing some research on men’s fashion to help my boyfriend out (he just started a new job and is trying to refresh his wardrobe and up his style). Some have suggested StitchFix, but I just realized: They have a style guide blog that covers lots of topics, from proper fit to best footwear for each season. https://www.stitchfix.com/men/blog/ Linking it here in case it is helpful to you.October 16, 2019 at 3:17 pm #854709SpaceyStephParticipant
I think its fine not to drink. Its fine not to wear blue jeans. And its fine to go to 30 holiday events in a 2 month period. You just need to understand that that is not everyone’s cup to tea and its going to make it that much harder to find a match with every rigid thing you add. You are going to need a huge pool, but also I think you are likely not going to find success with speed dating. As someone else said, that doesn’t seem like the right pace for your personality type.
I would put your time into other avenues– meetup groups for singles, hobbies that include a lot of interactions with others (clubs, classes, etc), and yes, online dating.
(P.S. I would never date a guy who didn’t drink and would think it very odd if a guy never wore jeans, but black jeans would probably be ok)October 16, 2019 at 3:22 pm #854711
Definitely online dating, because you can reach the entire pool of women who might be interested. But it doesn’t work if you have a bad profile and don’t do it right.
I always felt like speed dating was for suckers. They take your money, and it’s such a small group of people to pick from, who… to put it nicely… aren’t having luck online dating. All those same people are online, so you can meet them that way.October 16, 2019 at 3:59 pm #854715
Over a year ago, a friend asked me to go speed dating with her. I had just started dating my boyfriend, but we weren’t exclusive yet and figured whatever, I’ll go. The bar for the event was some dark, hard-to-find, below-ground bar. We arrived a bit early and the place was absolutely dead, so we had a drink at a nearby bar and went back closer to the start time. The men there for the event were sitting at the bar and… just no. Maybe it was the bar’s atmosphere, IDK, but the overall vibe felt sad. We bailed, had a fun girl’s night instead. It wasn’t cheap and it was a waste of money. Anyway, I realize that’s only one experience and maybe it was atypical, but yikes!
And yes about reaching a much larger pool of single and potentially interested women online. Just about everyone I know who has been single as an adult has at least tried online dating. Five of the six weddings I attended this year were for couples who met online.October 16, 2019 at 4:05 pm #854716PeggyGuest
Agree Copa-I had a speed dating experience too. It was pretty sad and pathetic-similar to what you described. I did not get any matches-but then again,I did not want to….