Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I properly communicate with women?

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  • #854840 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    @Skyblossom, you’re a mom who works at the library and you’re talking about greeting patrons and acquaintances.

    Robert was talking about meeting women to date by approaching strangers in public. I am sure he has no problem with saying, “hi, how you doing,” to people who greet him at the library or bank or coffee shop, or saying hello to an acquaintance.

    I do not want him to think it’s okay to make small talk with women for the purpose of asking them out. It is not. And it’s a totally different thing than what you’re talking about.

    #854841 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    I agree with Skyblossom-I live and work in communities like she describes. Of course I am Canadian,so that”friendly thing” is part of our DNA,lol. But being a friendly person in general without an agenda,could potentially actually lead somewhere if a comfortable bond is made over time. However you just do it to be nice; not with a hidden purpose-otherwise it won’t have the same effect-it will be phony and that attracts no-one.

    #854842 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    And now I see what Kate said and doing it how she describes ” randomly chatting up and asking someone out” would be weird.

    #854844 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, just thinking about how people I interact with regularly like bartenders or cashiers interact with me (it’s friendly, don’t worry) vs. how guys approach me sometimes because what, I’m cute? And try to engage me in conversation. The latter is bullshit.

    I don’t mind a quick toot from a horn, but I do NOT want to have a stupid fucking man in my face trying to talk to me. Fuck off.

    Robert doesn’t work in an environment where he meets people to talk to, nor should he be trying to get to know women at *their* place of work like the CVS or the library to ask them out. That’s not cool either.

    #854845 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    I think he needs practice in general. He’s been on his own for so long that I think he is out of sync with people in general. He shouldn’t be talking to people to try to get a date but to practice small talk that shows interest and empathy. He was having trouble doing that while speed dating. He needs to polish up his skills before trying to take them to a dating situation.

    #854846 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    His emphasis should be on showing interest in the other person. If he doesn’t he should always greet them with a smile and a hi or how you doing. He should always finish with a thank you and a bye.

    If the place is busy and the lines are long comment on how it looks like they’ve been slammed or say this place looks like it’s going crazy.

    If it isn’t busy ask how the day has been. Even a comment like, I hope you don’t have to work too much longer because it is beautiful outside and I hope you get to enjoy it.

    Something about their job. But not ever, especially not from a man to a woman, I love your hair or what a cute top or you are cute or anything about her physical appearance. Absolutely it shouldn’t be a command to smile.

    #854847 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    If the place is slammed, why should they have to be his conversational guinea pigs and offer friendly responses to inane observations?

    If the place is super busy, I just smile nicely and have my credit card ready.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by avatarKate.
    #854851 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    Most people like it when someone acknowledges that they are working hard.

    And yes, the credit card should be ready and you should move through quickly.

    #854852 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    This is where meetup would be a great option. People are there to meet new people and converse so it’s a great time to work on those skills. I don’t know what it’s like over there but here it’s also not unusual to get people who are a little socially awkward, generally they’re accepted into the group and everyone makes an effort to be welcoming. Now I wouldn’t say to use it specifically for dating but it’s a good opportunity to work on those soft skills that would help with dating.

    #854853 Reply
    LucidityLucidity
    Guest

    I’m a nice, friendly Canadian, and I’m 100% with Kate on this one. There is a big difference between a man who has no sexual interest in me saying “nice day for a walk, eh?” as I pass by him sitting on his front porch, and a man stopping me on the street acting like I owe him my attention because he gave me a compliment.

    I second the advice never to try and chat up a woman at her workplace, because they can’t get away from you. I was a barista in college, and men interpreted my customer service skills as a signal I was interested all. the. time. The creepers I dealt with during that job are a huge part of why I’m so turned off by men who approach me in public now.

    #854854 Reply
    LucidityLucidity
    Guest

    Meetup is a great place to work on talking to women. Don’t use women going about their business in public as guinea pigs.

    #854860 Reply
    Miss MJMiss MJ
    Participant

    So I live in the South, where friendly and chatty is more or less the norm. There’s a way to be generic and friendly versus creepy and annoying. Two guys could say the same words in different tones and it’s friendly for one and creepy for another. I can’t articulate why because i don’t spend too much time analyzing WHY someone creeps me out. I take the gut feeling to heart and get away. Point is, cold approaching women is not a great idea.

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