- October 9, 2019 at 2:32 pm #854077
Come to think of it, none of the other men were wearing ties. I like wearing them, but from what you are saying it seems as though I should hold off presenting that side of myself until after an actual date or two. IS that a correct interpretation?October 9, 2019 at 3:03 pm #854079
Are you wearing a jacket with the tie or just a tie alone with a button up? A tie without a jacket seems odd to me. I’d probably ditch the tie for more casual events and only wear one when you need to and will also be wearing a jacket.October 9, 2019 at 3:09 pm #854081
Yes, I think the jacket without tie look is a lot better than tie without jacket. Tie without jacket is I take my jacket off at work, because my office or cubicle is hot and I am required to wear a tie. It is totally not a leisure look. I was going to say that the tie is dying a slow death, but it really isn’t all that slow.October 9, 2019 at 3:22 pm #854084
Yes, drop the tie.
I was thinking it sounded like too much. My husband used to wear dress pants, with jacket and tie to work. Then they did casual Fridays where they could wear a button down with khaki pants. Now they wear the button down with khaki pants all the time. He hasn’t worn a tie to work in years.
He only wears ties with a suit to weddings and funerals.October 9, 2019 at 3:46 pm #854086
I work in an investment company and the men don’t wear ties. They pretty much all wear a blue dress shirt with some kind of check or subtle plaid pattern, and slacks.
Just a button down and pants is good, but you can even wear nice jeans and a casual shirt. Teal sounds a little eccentric, tbh. Overall you sound like an eccentric guy.
I feel like there are women out there that would be into your kind of thing, but your whole approach is like from outer space. Could you pleeeeaaaase post your profile, at least the text parts? If you have a match profile, just link to it. I can log in (I have a hidden inactive profile) and look.October 9, 2019 at 3:49 pm #854087
I am gaining clarity from the suggestions so far.
First, I will wear a button up shirt with dress pants without the tie to tonight’s event.
Second, I do see these women as people. I want them to have a good time. When I see that a woman has had fun or is happy for any reason, it rubs off on me and I ma happy, as well. There is no point in the simple presence of a warm body who is not truly having a good time.
Still, after having a little bit of time to think about your comments, you are right to the extent that long term is not the most important thing for someone to date to enjoy this Christmas with. I do not want just a hook up, but I see that some of the long-term things like wanting kids is not as relevant as their enjoyment of Christmas things. I don’t think I am wrong in this, but it was quite helpful to me that what I am actually looking for was pointed out.
One thing, though, even for long-term, I don’t want someone to just go with me to things that she does not enjoy just to please me. The whole point in wanting to share Christmas things, and haunted houses, and summer fireworks, miniature golf, etc., with her is to see that she is having a genuine good time herself. I want her to be happy; her doing those things with me just to please me does not make me fully happy, because I know that she is not truly happy in herself with that activity that is important to me, and so diminishes my own joy. That’s why it is important to me that we both have our major interests in common. I will want my partner to be truly happy in all aspects of the relationship.
I blended together some of your suggestions. Maybe my intro sounds something like “I like to start slow, get to know each other, enjoy common interests, and allow a relationship to develop as it will. I like new experiences, and sharing traditions, too. In fact, in a few weeks when the Christmas things start up, I highly enjoy parades and light shows. Is that something you find fun?”
How’s that sound?October 9, 2019 at 3:51 pm #854089
Noooooo. Don’t start with that intro. Just be like, hi, I’m Robert. How’s your fall going?October 9, 2019 at 3:56 pm #854091
Kate, I just read your post. I have to go back to work for a while late tonight after the event, so late tonight or sometime tomorrow I will do the Google Drive thing. I want to thank you for being so blunt. If my approach is off, being “nice” and not telling me is not helping me, so it’s obviously worse than I thought.
As for tonight, how can I learn their interest in haunted houses and Christmas parades and lights? There’s no point in naming someone who does not enjoy at least the Christmas things as a match. I only have 3-5 minutes to work with and she gets half that time.October 9, 2019 at 4:00 pm #854092
Right so just seriously start right off with that. “Man, I cannot wait for pumpkin patches and haunted houses and Christmas tree lightings and Lifetime movies. You with me, or nah?”
Seriously, do that.October 9, 2019 at 4:01 pm #854093
And be animated about it, not robotic.October 9, 2019 at 4:02 pm #854094
And if they’re into it, ask them their fave holiday movie.
Really, listen to me, I’m a successful dater and salesperson.October 9, 2019 at 4:24 pm #854096
“One thing, though, even for long-term, I don’t want someone to just go with me to things that she does not enjoy just to please me. The whole point in wanting to share Christmas things, and haunted houses, and summer fireworks, miniature golf, etc., with her is to see that she is having a genuine good time herself. I want her to be happy; her doing those things with me just to please me does not make me fully happy, because I know that she is not truly happy in herself with that activity that is important to me, and so diminishes my own joy. That’s why it is important to me that we both have our major interests in common. I will want my partner to be truly happy in all aspects of the relationship.”
Not many woman are just going to go along with you to these types of things just to please you. Women know how to communicate what they like and what they like to do and not do. It will come out quickly when you ask them on a date to one of these things and they decline. I think it’s weird and unsettling that you are so focused on this singular aspect of a relationship.
There are so many people that enjoy these things, I don’t think you’ll have a hard time meeting someone who also enjoys those things. But leading with that right away to see if your immediately compatible is just strange. Just try having a casual conversation! Ask out a woman you like. If she doesn’t want to go to the orchard with you, move on to the next date.
Like women are just trying to feel out who you are, but you have a checklist of what they must like. This is why you’re not getting matches. Whereas, if you show off your actual personality, and seem like fun and are funny-you might get dates, and you might have a date with a lady who also loves seasonal appropriate holiday events.