Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I properly communicate with women?

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Viewing 12 posts - 853 through 864 (of 933 total)
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  • #860974 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    I hate the idea we are “piling it on”-though I guess we are. It is only because we all want to help Robert,but it seems difficult to get him to “move along the path”. It is truly making me a bit sad for him at this point. However I am an optimist by nature…

    #860975 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I don’t think he’s an incel. I don’t get anger from him.

    I call my parents but I text them a lot more. They’re 70! When my husband is away, we really just text.

    #860976 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    I had to look up incel ( I am old lol) but I think that is a very inaccurate label to pin on Robert and unfair.

    #860993 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Robert isn’t angry at the women on this board, but he certainly seems angry at the young women who won’t date him. He’s taken to namecalling, as wrt the young women who don’t want to communicate by phone. He demands the impossible: he wants women with 25-year old bodies and the interests and technophobia of a not very social 45-year old man. It is the sense of unreasonable entitlement. It builds to anger and there certainly are signs in what he’s posted.

    #861013 Reply
    avatarRobert123
    Member

    I read your responses, I’ll get back to you in a day or two. I see that opinions are strong on the texting thing.

    #861030 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Honestly, it’s not “opinions.”

    Fact is, almost everyone wears blue jeans. Almost everyone texts. Even older people. The younger you go, everyone does. You can argue against it all you want, but it is what it is.

    #861058 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    Texting isn’t a replacement for face to face interaction. It’s in addition to it. It allows brief messages to be shared through the day. Things about this is what I am doing or seeing to questions like do you need anything from the grocery story because I’m stopping there on my way home from work. It’s especially useful when you have kids at activities. They can text to tell you when they will be done so you don’t have to sit and wait for too long. The text is quicker than making a call and it doesn’t interrupt what you may be doing. Sometimes we would be out with friends and it would be rude to have a phone conversation. It is quicker and easier to check a text and tell our friends what time we need to leave.

    #861064 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    Ron, I think that he has some unreasonable expectations but I think that ultimately everyone has it. We get people’s unvarnished inner thoughts in w way that would be censored more if they were talking to friends and colleagues. And it’s natural for someone to be more focused on what they’re looking for than what they bring to the table. Almost all of our narratives about romance involve the universe delivering you someone who a good match. I have seen a lot of the same from female friends. Everyone is the hero of their own story.

    #861065 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    And he’s been extremely receptive to feedback about opening up his criteria in a way that an entitled person wouldn’t be.

    #861067 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    That being said, we think that this effort is getting to bee a waste of everyone’s time.

    #861070 Reply
    avatarRKR
    Guest

    Robert, I’m sure everyone agrees with you that texting and driving is criminally stupid and dangerous, and that someone constantly texting on their phone whilst completely ignoring the company they are actually with is rude behaviour. The thing is, those instances, which are what you seem to remember and dwell upon probably precisely because they are notable, and also abhorrent to you, don’t make texting in itself bad!
    Given the fact that, like it or not, texting IS the preferred means of communication of the vast majority of the women you are likely to meet and hopefully date, rather than dwelling on the negatives of it as a form of communication, why not actively try to imagine the positives? You’re a romantic at heart, so I doubt you would find it objectionable in the future if your girlfriend sent you a quick text in the middle of her busy working day saying something like “Missing you so much – can’t wait to see you later for our dinner date!” Similarly, I’m sure you’d be delighted if she texted you to say “I just saw a sweater on sale that you would look SO great in – would you like me to get it for you?” – those are both thoughts “in the moment” that don’t merit an entire formal e-mail, and voice calls simply are often not convenient or private enough, so without texting, those things just wouldn’t get said. My husband will send me a message from work simply saying that he misses me very much – I doubt he’d want to make a voice call just to say that, particularly in front of all his work colleagues!
    I understand that this is a long-held belief of yours, but I think you’ll really benefit if you challenge yourself to look at texting as a positive; not only as a way to meet a future partner, but also as a way to share special little moments together throughout the day once you’re in an established relationship, and become closer as a couple because of it.
    Good luck with your journey – don’t give up, but please do take on board all the encouragement and advice here about how to update your dating style so that it works in the forthcoming third decade of the 21st century. Looking forward to seeing the new profile pictures!

    #861076 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Sigh. This is starting to actually frustrate me, because I am pretty sure you could find love, Robert. But I don’t think you will, because you’re only willing to accept an impossibly narrow view of the who and the what. The universe doesn’t like that, Robert. It’s not for you to outline. You need to be open to what the universe has for you. But you’re not. Let Jesus take the wheel here for a while and shut off that part of your brain that tries to rigidly dictate what things should be like. Be humble.

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