Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I properly communicate with women?

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This topic contains 197 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by avatar anonymousse 3 hours, 27 minutes ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 97 through 108 (of 198 total)
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  • #854169 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah but meetup isn’t for dating, speed dating is. He needs to switch up his approach. Not that I ever did speed dating, but I would kill it. Where he really needs to be meeting women is through his match profile. He needs to get someone to fix it. Wendy used to charge like idk $40, not $5,000.

    #854170 Reply
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    Fyodor

    ” Not that I ever did speed dating, but I would kill it.”

    Love the swagger!

    #854171 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    I think MeetUp isn’t for dating in the sense that you shouldn’t use it to send DMs looking for a date. I’ve received some DMs of this nature through MeetUp, which was annoying. I never went to any events with dating in mind and mostly used it to meet girl friends, but would’ve been open to a date if I’d met anyone I clicked with. There are singles groups on MeetUp that have mixers and dating events. I think attending appropriate MeetUp events would be part of a smart dating strategy for Robert. If he started his own Christmas fanatics group, he’d need to keep in mind that he’s there to meet new people… but if he happens to hit it off with someone, a date is a possibility. I also assume (and hope) Robert is less rigid and more three-dimensional IRL, so beginning as acquaintances instead of some in-your-face-about-Christmas-lights online rando may bode well for him.

    #854172 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    And I mean, I did my fair share of online dating. I’d have thought it was eccentric at BEST if some guy messaged me about holiday light shows in the spring. If nothing else, MeetUp would be a good venue to help him meet other like-minded people, which I think would help him feel less urgent in dating.

    #854174 Reply
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    Robert123
    Member

    A lot of good suggestions on here. I will reply to them.

    For now, i set up a Google Doc that anyone can view, or even edit if anyone so desires. This is what I have on Match.com. Here’s the link

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OSps9CtmzS7ZUUDQURzcpjXB2FeLTc88V9Z8Ap3XEUk/edit?usp=sharing

    I’ll start here, though I can include, as per a few of your suggestions, a couple of profiles and how I responded to them.

    #854175 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Got it! Can you paste your pictures in there too? You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable doing so, but it would help. My initial take on your “about me” is it’s pretty innocuous, just sounds pretty generic and could be improved to show more personality and what makes you unique.

    Your pictures are what people look at first, and I’m curious if there’s anything weird about them that’s making women leery.

    #854176 Reply

    How old are you, Robert?

    I read your profile and I literally know nothing about you. You start off talking about enjoying mutual touching etc, but then at the end you say you’re open to new friends, too. Your profile is vague and at this point, it’s a broad search you’re doing. Most people like to snuggle and hold the person they love. That doesn’t tell anyone who you are or what makes you-you. I also think leading with the affection stuff but then saying you’re looking to start slow is a little confusing.

    Get more specific-
    Hi, I’m Robert, I’m an event planner who’s looking for a serious relationship with someone who is excited about fall and autumn festivities as much as I am. Let’s meet up for (your favorite drink) at (a nice date place) and see where it takes us.

    That’s probably not a great profile intro, but at least from that I know what you’re into and that you want a date, and not a casual friend.

    #854177 Reply
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    Robert123
    Member

    Kate: Pasting the photographs on there is slightly out of my comfort zone, though I am not totally unwilling, either, since I know you are here to help. How about if I hold off briefly until the profile starts to get fixed?

    #854178 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Okay, but keep in mind that nothing you write in your profile is going to get responses if your pictures are bad. I’m not talking about your looks, but what type of pics you have.

    #854179 Reply
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    Ron

    Hi Robert,
    It may just be me, and I’m not a woman and I’m a lot older than you, but to me “I hope to ultimately end up in a committed relationship” sounds like something a total player would say to string a woman along for a few months. The rest, sort of dull. The talk about friendship? I can’t tell reading this whether you or looking for a friend, a relationship, or a short get to know each other and then hooking up. I thought people normally picked hook-up, casual, or seeking a serious relationship rather than this vague ‘I’ll take whatever I can get’. You sound sincere, so if you want a serious relationship, just say so. Don’t go to heavy on the finding a new friend is fine, since you were way over to that side in your comments on this thread which make it sound like your main goal is a woman to go to Christmas light shows with. Once you broach that, it plus your write-up are going to be overly friend oriented.

    I agree with above that you need to be specific about yourself and get beyond this standard, boilerplate, romantic buzzwords someone told you to use.

    #854180 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I found the profile quite vague. In general, if you are in a romantic relationship it is a given that you will cuddle and hold hands and do other romantic things.

    It doesn’t tell me what you do for a living. There is a huge difference between a college professor who has summers off, a chemist who works for a large corporation who works the usual hours and a chef who works most evenings and weekends. There is a huge difference between an accountant and an artist. The chosen career says quite a bit about you. It tells me what interests you and what hours you might be available.

    You also don’t mention any actual interests. What animates you? What gives you joy? How do you spend your free time? Are your dates romantic or are they cheap? Strolling could be either romantic or cheap.

    #854183 Reply
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    peggy

    I viewed your profile too Robert. Nothing weird or awkward there,so that is good!-though as Kate says,photos say a lot. I agree with the others that being more specific is needed. Be clear about what you want . If you are dating in hopes of finding a compatible match for a long term/serious relationship, then say so. It is a dating site ,so I would forget the find a “friend” line.

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