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How do you handle being around someone you strongly dislike?

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This topic contains 40 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #802640 Reply
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    anonymous

    My husband and I do not like his brother or his brother’s wife at all. They just aren’t nice people. They’re have been several situations between us and them where they have showed their true colors. We prefer not to interact with them.
    I know it happens all the time where someone talks bad about somebody and then is nice to them in person, but that’s not how it is for us. I won’t speak for my husband, but for me, when I really don’t like somebody, I can’t pretend like I do.
    My MIL thinks everyone should get along regardless because everyone is family, and she gets really upset when the siblings don’t get along.
    I guess my main question is how do you handle being around someone you really dislike? I wish we could just not ever see them, but that is not realistic with them being family.
    Is it acceptable to ignore them at every family event?
    Such a crappy situation :/

    #802642 Reply
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    JD

    You say when you don’t like someone you can’t pretend. So your 4? Time to put your big girl panties on and fake it, that’s what being an adult entails. There isn’t some secret. No you cannot ignore them completely, unless you want to look like a psycho. Your telling us that once in a while, for an hour or so, you can’t just not be a bitch to her? Come on! Be an adult. This is just silly and immature.

    #802649 Reply
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    anonymous

    JD
    I never said I was a bitch to her. We just don’t talk to them, and they don’t speak to us.
    That’s it.

    #802652 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Yup – @JD is right. You don’t have to gush and fawn over this person. But you are not allowed to be rude. If someone approaches you to talk, you can’t just look through them and walk away (caveat: Unless they say something so egregious that that is the only acceptable response. For example if the brother calls you “sugar tits” then yes, you can stare through him and walk away).

    You are allowed to divert the discussion to topics that mean nothing: Shoes, clean garages, new paint commercials, favorite home improvement shows, buffalo chicken flavored oreos. Come up with some practiced diversions “Oh, that’s such a deep topic, I’m too tired for that… cute shoes!” or “mmmm… that’s interesting. You know I was watching HGTV and everyone I mean everyone wants white cabinets!”

    #802670 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    There are some family members I don’t like. I never do anything with them unless it’s unavoidable. Like, nothing that’s not a thing organized by my mom and is important to her. And then I just make polite chit chat and try to be in a different part of the house as much as possible, or my husband and I sneak out to have a drink.

    If they’re saying outright rude things to you, just go, “wow, really?” Or calmly say something like, “No, actually it was mom’s idea,” or whatever. And then go watch a show on your phone or have another drink.

    You CAN make idle chitchat with a shitty family member. Just stay disengaged and take a lot of breaks and remember you’re just keeping Mom or MIL happy.

    #802676 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    It’s okay to not like them and to not spend time around them on your own. I’m assuming, if your family is like mine, that you mainly have to deal with them at larger family functions, where you can be polite but distant.

    I don’t like one of my aunts and her nuclear family. I only really see her when the entire family gets together (so maybe twice a year max), and I’ll hug her hello, make some small talk, and then avoid her. I have a large extended family, so it’s easy enough to do. I never call her or anything between family visits.

    This aunt has three kids (my cousins), two of whom live n the same city I live in and are close in age. I used to make a small amount of effort with them, but this past winter they made hateful homophobic remarks I found inexcusable. And I decided I’m done. I no longer make an effort to see them outside of larger family functions. And I’m okay with that.

    This is kind of an immature way to deal, but my dad also dislikes this sister and her family, so usually after we’ve spent an evening around them, we’ll have a laugh about some of the off-the-wall things they said.

    Anyway, you can get along and keep the peace without being warm & fuzzy.

    #802677 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Honestly, if its so bad that you guys cant be in the same room during a family gathering (that has nothing to do with you guys but with family being together as family) then dont go. Sure you will get the wrath of not coming from other family members and probably more drama but at last you wont be miserable right? I have a family member I dont care for due to betrayal from over 5 years ago. I dont speak to her at family functions, it’s awkward to even say Hi. I just simply smile and ignore her. I go find others to talk to since my family gatherings usually consist of a very large group. She had a baby and I sent a baby gift but didn’t go to her shower. You can be nice without being an ass.

    #802679 Reply
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    JD

    Sorry LW I know you didn’t say you were a being a bitch, I did. Refusing to acknowledge someone’s existence at a party is bitchy.

    #802690 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    If they spoke to you and you ignored them, then that would look pretty bad. But if you both don’t speak to each other, then I guess I don’t understand what the issue is.

    #802695 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Everybody is fuckinf right, LW. You ARE being a bitch. If that’s your true colors, okay, fine, let em fly, I guess. But don’t be surprised when everybody else sides with your sister inlaw — and not you. Honestly? Nobody much likes the holier than though self righteous. And men quickly find being married to one rather taxing and tedious…

    #802697 Reply
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    anonymous

    For the record, I never said that they try to talk to us or anything – they also ignore us. They don’t try to talk to us, and we don’t try to talk to them. It’s mutual.

    #802699 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Well, then maybe the four of you are ALL fucking cunts. Honestly? It’s rather amazing you can’t find something to talk about. You seem to have so much in common!

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