Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do you handle being around someone you strongly dislike?

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This topic contains 40 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 2 months ago.

Viewing 5 posts - 37 through 41 (of 41 total)
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  • #802866 Reply

    I have family members that I don’t get along with so I don’t socialize with them. When I have to, I ignore them. They well know why I don’t like them. When they do approach, it isn’t to say hello, but to make a snide comment. I respond with a loud f**k off and move onto the next person.

    These people know that they aren’t to interact with my children. I respond in kind. None of it is friendly.

    These particular relatives are mean, petty and loud.

    #802947 Reply

    Your son should not be playing any kind of ball in anyone’s else’s home. You may not realize this but there probably has been talk about how you have been raising your child. This is rather feral behavior. Way out of line for a 9-year-old. As for your BIL grabbing hold of your son and dragging him, something should have been said at the time. But since you froze, an email can be sent by your husband or he can talk to him in person.

    As for interacting with you BIL, you can be cordial. Make small talk briefly and move on. Try and have as little contact as possible. If he becomes snarky you can be snarky back. Though I expect you are not so good at this or the snarkiness would have stopped

    #804592 Reply

    What you do is…when you are at family events you are polite to them. You make an effort to keep the peace. When you are not at family events you just don’t spend time with them. Easy. You can do it. It’s a part of being a grown up.

    #804608 Reply

    In the world of work, you are going to have to interact and work closely at times with people you dislike, including those you dislike a lot — those you view as phony self-promoters, those you know to be liars, those you know will steal and take credit for your ideas, those you know back-bite their peers to management, those you find utterly disgusting in some way or another. You stick to business, avoid personal talk, don’t get dragged into their little dramas. Focus on the others who are present. You can treat relatives this way at family gatherings. You’re here/I’m here, I’ll get through this in polite, professional, impersonal manner. I’ll respond to anything on point and helpful that you say and ignore the rest. You can’t get a rise out of me, because I simply don’t care about your personal opinions, since I have no respect for you as a person.

    #804617 Reply

    In my family we have an inside phrase for when you just smile at a person while they spew nonsense: Grin Fucking.

    OP – if your BIL (or SIL) is a big ol’ braggart – I encourage you to play the “that’s nice” game. Every time he puffs up and mentions he has this or he has that you just say things like “Oh, isn’t that nice.” or “That’s great!” but ask no follow up questions or offer the one-up. Just a positive but not over the top reaction. One of two things happen, they either up the ante: “And I have this!” to which you reply “Still great!” or “Super!” and they keep going until they say something like “And I stay at the same place as the owner of the Buffalo Bills and one time they gave me a Bills mug that he had left in the room!” or something equally ridiculous.

    Or they just look at you funny and shut up.

    Either reaction is fantastic.

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