Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How Long Before You Say I Love You?

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  • This topic has 71 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by avatarHmC.
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  • #334731 Reply
    honeybeenickihoneybeenicki
    Participant

    So… the video today got me thinking. How long did you wait before you said I love you to your current (or former) partners? Not 8 years, I hope! Also, how long before you KNEW you felt it/wanted to say it? My husband and I said it quickly (within months). We’d known each other for quite some time and I’ll be honest, I always knew – almost from when I met him and spent time with him (as friends at first) – that we’d be together. Totally cliché, but also totally correct. He says pretty much the same thing.

    #334733 Reply
    avatarMissD
    Participant

    With my ex…. I felt like I wanted to say it after 3 months but I think I waited closer to 6 months. It took him close to 3 years to say it to me.

    Counter question: How many dates before you kiss someone? I went on a first date last night and I’m curious about possibly kissing him to see what the chemistry is like but a kiss on the first date would have felt too rushed for me (so I’m glad he didn’t try). Maybe 2nd or 3rd?

    #334735 Reply
    Addie PrayAddie Pray
    Participant

    1 month? I am stupid though.

    #334737 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Of the relationships where I’ve/we’ve said ‘I love you,” the ones where I/we waited longer to have been the most successful. Of my adult relationships, I’ve said it to three guys. One within a 6 weeks and that relationship lasted less than a year, another within 2-3 months (can’t remember exactly) and that lasted 4 years and with Drew, we waited about 8 months and we are still going strong (almost) nine years later.

    #334738 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    I don’t know why anyone would wait to kiss though. In my single days, I wouldn’t even bother waiting til the first date for that!

    #334739 Reply
    avatarMissD
    Participant

    @Wendy yeah I’ve heard lots of people say that. But I dunno… when you meet someone online your first date is also your very first meeting and I’m just not ready to kiss someone that fast.

    #334740 Reply
    honeybeenickihoneybeenicki
    Participant

    Yeah I’m with Wendy – I wouldn’t wait to kiss. Well, I would now since its apparently socially unacceptable and frowned upon for me to be kissin’ other people, but whatever.

    #334741 Reply
    avatarMissD
    Participant

    Alright then I guess I’m weird 🙂

    #334742 Reply
    honeybeenickihoneybeenicki
    Participant

    I don’t think you’re weird. I’ve never been in the world of online dating, so I guess if it’s a first meeting it might be a bit different?

    #334743 Reply
    avatarKate
    Guest

    It was about six months for us. In previous relationships, I can’t remember!

    I wouldn’t wait to kiss anyone either if I was feeling it.

    #334744 Reply

    hm well in the first go, he said I love you about 3 months in which was too soon for me and I waited another whole month to say it. we broke up and then about 5 months after we first started dating again and a year after we met, he said it to me again,and I was able to respond whole- heartedly in the moment and it felt really good.

    Kissing, I personally would kiss when I feel like it. If the chemistry and desire is there, go for it. I didn’t kiss so many people I wish I had because I had all these weird hang ups about kissing for far too long. My now boyfriend and I kissed on our first date, it was a great kiss and he asked because he is a dork and I was hedging, but I am glad he went for it. Our second date we had an amazing kiss and really kicked things up a notch, both in parking lots 🙂

    #334749 Reply
    MoneypennyMoneypenny
    Participant

    The one guy who has said he loves me took 1 year and 4 months to say it. And it came up in the same conversation where he was trying to tell me that he didn’t think things were working out. (As in, I love you, but…) He had felt it sooner, but was afraid to say it. I would have said it maybe… 6-9 months in, if I had been so bold!
    In my opinion (just my opinion!) I feel like any sooner than 5 or 6 months is too soon and it would scare me a little- I feel like I need a lot of time to really get to know a person and let those feelings develop slowly. I am just that kind of person, I guess. I feel like, early on, it’s easy to project and *think* you know a person when you may not, yet… I dunno, it also could be because I’ve been burned a lot (!!) so I’m cautious.

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