Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How Long Before You Say I Love You?

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  • #334773 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Hang in there, AP. Knowing a few of the details, I can say for certain he did not/ does not deserve you, and I think you know that, too, but it’s always such a disappointment to learn that about someone you felt like you were really falling for and were getting so hopeful and excited about.

    #334774 Reply
    MoneypennyMoneypenny
    Participant

    I am SO sorry to hear this, AP! 🙁 Hugs!!!

    #334776 Reply
    FireStarFireStar
    Participant

    Aw. Sorry AP. I always thought it was brave of you to go into things with a reckless abandon but I guess that has a downside too.

    #334777 Reply
    Addie PrayAddie Pray
    Participant

    Thanks, guys. It’s OK. He, essentially, freaked out, realized he was not ready for any of this (he had dealt with a lot of hard things right before starting something with me – or didn’t deal with them, as the case proved), and just ended things. It’s easy to end a long-distance romance. You just stop calling and you change your plans to move. He was supposed to move here at the end of February. It all came to an end as quickly as it started. A few weeks ago he came out for a visit and brought two bags with him to leave behind at my place (taking advantage of Southwest’s free bags), but when he stepped off the plane he said he just didn’t feel right; he felt out of place and like he was just waking up from a dream and realizing he’s not ready for any of this. At the end of the weekend, he flew back home with those two bags. It was sudden and caught him by surprise as much as me. But I, shockingly, got over him fast. For the first time ever (really, ever) I’m not wasting a second wishing he would want what I want or that he can change…. I heard him, I believe him, and we’re moving on. It’s a little more complicated than that but there you go for now!

    #334778 Reply
    gigigigi
    Member

    Sorry AP 🙁 You are awesome, so he must not have been if its over.

    #334779 Reply
    Addie PrayAddie Pray
    Participant

    Yes, it has a downside, ha! I’m done with my reckless abandoning ways, though. Done done done.

    #334789 Reply
    honeybeenickihoneybeenicki
    Participant

    Aww AP, I’m sorry. Even if you are moved on and everything, I know it probably still hurt. But you’ll brush yourself off and spend lots of cuddle time with that puppy and call it a day. And maybe get another dog. Or a cat. Or 3 cats. Or a bird. Or a pot bellied pig. Cause really, when you have furry friends you don’t need men.

    #334791 Reply
    avatarMissD
    Participant

    Hmmm sounds kinda similar to what just happened to me Addie. What’s with these guys? Seriously, they need to figure their shit out before they start telling us they want to move to be with us.

    #334795 Reply
    Addie PrayAddie Pray
    Participant

    Oh, yeah, it still hurts. But yet, I don’t know, it is more of just a disappointment that it didn’t work out like I had hoped – and in myself, for believing he was ready for all this after just a few months of talking and visits. @MissDre, we can’t make people figure out their shit… but what we can do is not believe someone who says after a hot second “oh I want to move to you and have babies.”

    #334798 Reply
    Addie PrayAddie Pray
    Participant

    What sucks is to know how little someone cares about you. For example, after he left that weekend I realized he had left his library book. I was so worried that he’d get charged for not returning it, that I shipped it back to him, along with a shirt he had left. Ironically, the fee I spent to send the book back was probably more than any late fee he’d be charged. I sent him an email to let him know he had left the book but that it was on his way, and I asked him if he’d mind sending me a pair of yoga pants that I had left on my last visit. He thanked me for the book and apologized that he already took my yoga pants to goodwill. So, in an effort to quickly erase me from his life, he flew home, found those yoga pants, and drove them to goodwill and dropped them off but never once thought “hey, these belong to addie, i should ask them if she wants them back.” It feels so…. what’s the word…. insulting? embarrassing? To know you’re sitting there so worried someone is going to be charged a late fee that you go and without being asked you ship it back and then to know at the same time, they were throwing your stuff away like you had just died or something. … It feels shitty. Like that moment in junior high when you realize people aren’t laughing with you, they’re laughing at you. A light bulb goes off and you realize the extent to which they really do not care about you. The yoga pants, as trite as it may sound, really clarified things to me.

    #334800 Reply
    LianneLianne
    Participant

    So sorry, AP. That sucks. My only advice is to take this learning experience and add it to your arsenal of things to keep in mind when the next guy comes along. Sounds like you are doing ok, but I am sure it’s tough 🙁

    #334802 Reply
    avatarMissD
    Participant

    Oh Addie… I’m sorry. He was a dick for doing that. Honestly though, you’re such a good person so be proud of that. And remember, Moose loves you!!

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