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Dear Wendy

“How Long Do I Need to Stay with My Husband?”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “How Long Do I Need to Stay with My Husband?”

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  • #1031167 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy

    From a LW:

    “My situation is that my husband was talking, sexually to a coworker and I found out by getting his phone late at night after her text came through. He denied it but eventually confessed it was only phone calls. I told him to end it. He said he did, I believed him. Fast forward two years later, I find out he never stopped talking to the coworker and that he had another phone to communicate with her except this time it was a full blown affair. I forgave and stayed. Then fast forward 6 months, found out that he had online dating profile, multiple ones active on another phone, the second additional phone I found, along with porn sites and Facebook connections. I went to counseling and he went to counseling -separately. Things seem to be better. Just recently I found that he has been looking up his fetishes again. How much longer do you think I need to stay? I stayed because he is a good man, in general, good father and a good husband, in other areas of our life, but when is enough, enough. And he blames me for letting bad thoughts infiltrate my mind and causing good days to turn bad with arguing.
    Advice please!”

    #1031172 Reply

    You can leave now. It’s already been more than enough. You tried counseling and it didn’t work. He constantly lies and pursues cheating. He won’t ever change. No, he’s not a good man.

    #1031173 Reply

    “I stayed because he is a good man, in general, good father and a good husband …”

    Huh? He is none of those things. He lies, cheats, and blames you for all of it!!! It isn’t “bad thoughts” that are infiltrating your mind, it’s the truth. How awful that you can’t trust your own partner. Read “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.”

    #1031176 Reply

    How is hiding a huge part of his world being a good husband? It doesn’t sound like this is above board so how is he a good husband? He doesn’t beat you> Is that the bar you’re setting for yourself?

    Do some online research for divorce attorneys in your area. Make an appointment. Get checked for STIs. Stop sleeping with your husband because it’s clear he has no concern for either your emotional or physical health.

    #1031177 Reply

    Yeahhh at this point I’d say you’ve stayed too long. He is not a good man, he is not a good husband. Time to get your affairs in order and find an attorney. Staying in therapy is probably a good idea.

    #1031188 Reply

    This is clearly not working for either of you. The best thing you can do for both of your sake is to end things.

    #1031193 Reply

    Sounds like he has a sex addiction – some sort of sexual based addiction. He may be a good father but he is not a good husband. You should probably separate. His word is no good. I don’t know what situation you are in if you are able to divorce this man but that is what I would do! Go get tested for STDs. Dont have sex with him.

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