This is the sort of thing that is easily over-thought. You’re fine. “I don’t have a personality!” is not thought that occurs to someone who doesn’t have a personality. The dullest people have given no thought to what their personality is actually like.

There really isn’t a secret art to conversation, other than talk about things you find interesting and hope they find them interesting too. If the conversation seems strained or dull, music can help fill the in-between space, and activities can be great for getting conversation flowing.

I’m painfully shy. I also have to talk to strangers a lot for work about things that are often deeply personal to them and pre-COVID I had to network at work events a lot (do not miss that!!!). So, here are some of my go to tips. They’re not perfect but they do work almost every time.

To spark an initial conversation with someone I don’t know very well, I find it generally useful to (1) sincerely compliment someone on something and ask them about it; or (2)(and this won’t really work in your immediate situation, but may for others) ask then how they know the host/hear about the event/come to be at the conference, etc. Conversation usually will begin to flow from there with some natural follow up questions or comments.

Similarly, whenever conversation gets stuck, I’ve found it almost always works to get it restarted when you ask someone about themselves. Not in an interrogation way and obviously avoid rude, invasive questions. But ask about something that you genuinely are interested in hearing the answer to (this is important) and then actually listen to the answer (this is crucial) and converse from there. Maybe that’s another question. Maybe they ask you a question. Maybe something they say sparks a new topic.

It really is true that most people like to talk about themselves and will warm up to you when they think you’re interested in hearing about them.

That said, avoid giving one word answers when someone asks you a question. You don’t need to ramble on, but say enough to either invite follow up or to introduce a new topic that you can then talk about.

Good luck!

When I think of the most charming, popular, successful person I know – a good friend of mine from college – I think of how she makes everyone feel like the most important and fascinating person in the room. She focuses her attention and asks questions. She makes eye contact, smiles, and laughs at everyone’s jokes. And she is confident! Confidence comes with time, but I’m a big fan of the “fake it till you make it” strategy. Have a little faith in yourself and keep in mind that everyone feels awkward at 14; no one has it all figured out yet. I personally got a lot of mileage out of jokes about my social ineptitude as an ice-breaker…

Talk about current events and pop culture, etc. If you feel you are running out of ideas and starting to panic —- simply ask whomever you are with about them. Secret tip: Most People LOVE to talk about themselves.

First of all try not to overthink anout why she invited you to meet up you´ll end up with thousands of differents ideas and maybe none of those is right.

When you talk to someone you don´t know you can talk about thinks you like or the thinks you know you have in common like school don´t think too much about that when the time comes you´ll find something, if you are worry about those awkward silences let me tell that everyone has gone through that at some point even with old friends and that because it´s impossible to have everything in common with someone, so if it happens when you are with her just try to talk about something else.

About feeling anxious for meetig up outside the school it´s normal, it is a new experience and new sometimes can be frightening but you have to think that if you don´t give it a chance, how would you know if you like it or not? you have nothing to lose if you try it.

Finally try to be as you are every day, don´t think about what the others would think of you. Good luck!!