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Dear Wendy

How to cancel a Tinder date for the 2nd time?

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  • #845889 Reply

    I feel bad that I’m cancelling it for the second time.The first time I cancelled the date something actually came up. Now I just don’t want to go. The problem is that I don’t think we are on the same page. I think he wants to ”hookup” with me while I’m looking for a relationship. He wanted the first date to be at his house which seems weird to me. Also this guy doesn’t text me back a lot. It’s a 1.5 hour drive so I feel like it’s not worth it. I don’t want to be mean though. What should I do? The date was supposed to be on Sunday. What should I text him?

    #845890 Reply

    You don’t owe him an explanation or an apology and you definitely should not feel bad at all. I’d just say “Hey, I’ve changed my mind and don’t want to meet up after all. Best of luck on here.” And then immediately block him so you don’t have to find out if he’s the type to get nasty or aggressive when rejected.

    A first date at his place is a huge red flag. You’re right to call this off.

    #845892 Reply

    Omg cancel!! Raise your standards for Tinder dates! ALWAYS meet in public and meet somewhere convenient for you, or at least halfway.

    Lucidity has a good script. You can even soften it: “Hey, I can’t meet up – it looks like it’s just bad timing and not going to work. I wish you luck on here!” He doesn’t even text you that much, so I doubt he’ll be destroyed.

    #845893 Reply

    Tell the truth! “I’ve had second thoughts about meeting at your place, which isn’t safe. We’re not on the same wavelength, so I’m cancelling for Sunday.”

    That’s it. And don’t ever ever EVER meet someone you don’t know at a house. My goodness! (I would also never drive 1.5 hours to meet a Tindr stranger.)

    #845901 Reply

    Come on. No. As soon as a guy suggests a first date at his house, you’re out. The driving 1.5 hours to meet at his house is not even an issue because you should never ever ever meet a guy from online anywhere but a public place. I would go with Lucidity’s script and then block him. I wouldn’t explain anything or say you don’t feel safe, because then he might try to get you to meet him outside somewhere, after which he’d pressure you to go to his place. You should not meet up with this guy.

    #845902 Reply

    And just in general, NEVER worry about being rude to a guy who you don’t feel safe with. Like if you were in a deserted parking garage and a guy suddenly asked you for help, you just say no and get the hell into your car. Guy from Tinder wants you to drive 90 minutes to meet him at his house, no and block. Guy won’t stop bothering you out at a bar, “leave me alone,” and tell a bouncer.

    #845903 Reply

    I agree with everyone here, although when you said he seems to want to hook up but i want a relationship…Tinder was made for hookups if I’m not mistaken. You may want to try a different avenue. If a guy wants to have your first meetup at his house,run.

    #845904 Reply

    Kate with the solid gold advice here. This guy is breaking all kinds of ettiquette by by suggesting you drive a great distance to meet at his house for the first time. Don’t worry about his feelings. Just say “no thanks” and move on. And if you really can’t say “no”, just don’t go.

    Just please don’t go just because you’re worried about his feelings. This whole thing just feels kind of icky.

    #845906 Reply

    LoL how do you go looking for a relationship on a hook up sex app??? You tryna get an STD?

    And never go to a strangers house, once you are there anything can happen to you. Why would you drive for 1.5 hours to date someone you have never met before. Find someone who lives in your area, unless you like live in a little town where everyone is brothers, sisters, cousins and family, I hope this ain’t true.

    Anyways as a lady you should know the dangers of meeting stranger at their homes, and who the fuck cares about hurting his feelings, you don’t know him and I’m sure he is just going to find a next girl to invite to his house, why so paranoid on telling him you don’t feel his vibe and you’re not interested anymore, grow some back bone.

    #845917 Reply

    Canceling a date you are not interested in is not “mean.” You have the right to go or not go. Spending hours of your life with someone (that you barely know and could actually be unsafe for you) simply because you don’t want to seem “rude” would be ridiculous.

    #845923 Reply

    Ugh, no. No, no, no. This should have been shut down the minute he suggested that you come to his house.

    I know that Tinder is sometimes used by people who are looking for something more than a hookup, but it started as a hookup app and that’s how a lot of people still see it. That’s very obviously what this guy is assuming he’s getting.

    If I wanted a relationship, Tinder would not be the place I’d look.

    #845927 Reply

    Okay, clearly you should never first meet someone at their house. Secondly, even if it wasn’t at his house, why would you even date someone who lives that far away from you? He’s not even meeting you halfway?

    To be clear, I don’t think you should see him. Say something concise and block him.

    There are so many red flags here.

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