Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How to cancel a Tinder date for the 2nd time?

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  • #845930 Reply

    Girl – it’s not rude to decide not to give someone your time if you have no interest in them. These are hours of your life, spend them how and with whom you want.

    You can be rude in *how* you turn in him down, but turning him down itself is not rude and don’t let anyone tell that and don’t feel guilty about it.

    Just say – I’ve thought about this some more and I don’t think we’re a good match. Best of luck out there!

    If he gets pissy about that, that’s on him. Block him, report him, and move on.

    #845932 Reply

    What everyone else said, but also tinder is pretty versatile and not “just” a hook-up site. Ive seen people use it for friends, hook-ups, dating…You can specify in your bio what you’re looking for, and in chatting with someone you usually can figure out what direction it’s going. Aka if a guy suggests a first date at his house, lol.

    #845933 Reply

    I met my boyfriend on Tinder and also went on dates with guys who were looking for relationships on there so it definitely isn’t just a hook up app. HOWEVER no one looking for anything more than an easy hook up would ever suggest meeting up at their house! Honestly you can just ghost him and not respond – you owe this absolutely nothing.

    #845934 Reply

    I personally think you can just ghost him too. No notice required.

    #845935 Reply

    I personally think you can just ghost him too. No notice required.

    Honestly, I agree. Ghosting is not inherently rude, context matters. Can you ghost on your serious partner you’ve been with for several years? No.

    Can you ghost on someone you’ve never met before and don’t want to meet? Honestly, I think that’s okay. A soft no to someone you have virtually no connection with is acceptable, I think.

    #845936 Reply

    I don’t necessarily support ghosting when you’ve already made plans with someone. Sure, if she doesn’t confirm the plans, he’ll assume she isn’t visiting, but to agree to meet and then drop off the face of the earth is not the same as just letting a conversation die.

    Obviously, if he were being inappropriate or aggressive or whatever, then ghosting is OK in any case. Meeting at his home is weird, but not everyone (especially men) understands why.

    #845937 Reply

    I know what you mean, but I think in this situation he’s shown no respect for her, and she doesn’t need to have respect for him. She could either ghost and block, or send a message saying on second thought it’s not a match and then block.

    #846308 Reply

    I would worry less about his reaction than I would about the idea that you were considering going to some guys house you don’t know where you might potentially not even come out alive? Geez…we’ve all got to set some standards for ourselves. I have been married for 17 years, but I’ll tell you…..after some of the stuff I read and hear about mobile dating, I think if I ever end up single again, I’m going to be out of the dating game. Yikes.

    #846309 Reply

    It’s not mean to politely cancel when you are no longer interested. Mean is standing a date up. Mean is wasting someone’s time by going on a date where you know you are not interested.

    This aside, it’s a bit alarming that you seem to have so little sense of personal safety around online dating. How old are you? A stranger inviting you to their home for the first “date” should ring all kinds of warning bells. I do occasionally read legit horror stories about online dating (e.g., someone putting themselves in the way of physical harm, getting scammed financially, etc.), and it almost always seems to include tremendous stupidity. Meeting a stranger at his house is a bad move.

    Finally, I disagree that Tinder and other dating apps are hookup apps. I met my boyfriend on a dating app, and if you go to the dating thread, you’ll see that a lot of us met our SOs that way. If you’re worried about going on dates with men who are looking for different things than you, I recommend including something about how you’re hoping to find a meaningful relationship in your profile and asking potential dates if they’re looking for the same. And then when you think behavior is “weird” or doesn’t add up, you listen to your gut.

    #862033 Reply

    This is basic. You don’t even owe him
    An explanation. Block his number and profile.

    #862034 Reply

    Quite frankly – it would be ok to Ghost him

    #862899 Reply
    avatarReggie Lurker

    I wouldn’t normally suggest ghosting, but something tells me this man is going to get mighty pushy when you start to resist. You’re already worried about upsetting him, and this is something he might exploit to pressure you into coming over to his house. Block. Move on. He will cope.

    Also can you ignore everyone here telling you tinder is a hookup app and “what do you expect?”. I met my partner of four years on tinder. A huge number of my friends and colleagues met really lovely, normal partners on apps.
    Some people use it to hookup, sure. Some people go to bars and clubs to hookup. I dated a guy once who I met through friends – yes, the golden friend meet which is supposed to be a never ending supply of hidden prince charmings – who was only interested in hooking up and had an out of control gambling addiction.
    Moral here? Some people just want to
    hook up. Some people are not in a place to give you a relationship, wherever you find them. Read the situation. If he suggests coming over to his place on the first date, this is what he wants. You don’t want to? Cool. Say no and move on.

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