Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How to deal with a clingy friend?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice How to deal with a clingy friend?

This topic contains 22 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Moe 5 days, 5 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 23 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #811063 Reply
    avatar
    Anon

    I have this friend that I’ve known since high school (10+ years).

    They’ve been getting increasingly clingy for the last year, wanting me to stay over (even though she’s married), messages me almost everyday saying “do you want to stay over tonight”, will make plans without even asking me, gets annoyed if I have other obligations, etc.

    I don’t mind having a sleepover at her house every once in a while but it’s becoming a constant thing, almost everyday she asks if I want to sleep over,most of the time I’m quite busy so I tell her “I can’t today but I can on ____” then the next day she’ll hint at me staying over until she outright asks “do you want to stay over tonight” almost as if she completely forgot about the previous conversation.

    I have been accused multiple times of “making up excuses” when I’ve said I already have plans/have obligations.

    How do I deal with this?

    #811064 Reply
    avatar
    Poppy
    Member

    They? Like her spouse and she or just she? As a matured adult I am not about to go spend the night at a friends house esp one who is married. Maybe an occasional sleep over…. Sure. Occasionally meaning 3-4 times a year might be normal. Asking excessively and at least once a month…weird to me. Idk I dont do that shit. Someone asking me to spend the night… Iike I got my own bed with my fur babies and husband. Nope. Not saying someone who does this is lonely but for me personally I feel like I would have to be very lonely. Even when I want my free time away from my husband I wouldn’t want to go sleep over at a friends home. However, I do sleep overs with my sisters and their kids when I am in town or vice versa but thats my family.

    #811065 Reply
    avatar
    Poppy
    Member

    Oh right. You asked how to deal with this. I would suggest being honest with her at this point. Tell her a sleep over once every 2or 3 months could work but that you are busy and enjoy the comforts of your home and bed and that is where you prefer to bed at night.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by avatar Poppy.
    #811068 Reply
    avatar
    Anon

    Thankyou for your reply! It’s usually her, however her husband is also there. He did comment once that, after grabbing coffee with them and explaining why I was unable to stay over that night (plans with my partner the next day) my “excuse sounded bullshit”. But no, it’s usually just her.

    #811072 Reply
    avatar
    LisforLeslie

    What the fuck? You need to sit her down. Adult sleep overs are for adults. I don’t want to sleep at someone else house unless I’m travelling.

    Something is going on. Ask her. You’ve been friends for 10 years. Ask her what’s going on? She’s calling more frequently and asking you to attend regular pajama parties which, unless you’re between 9 and 16 are fucking weird as hell.

    #811106 Reply
    avatar
    Essie
    Participant

    This is really strange. I’ve stayed at married friends’ homes, but only if they live out of town and I’ve traveled to visit them.

    Is it possible that she’s interested in you romantically? Is it possible that she and her husband are polyamorous, and they want to invite you to join them?

    #811109 Reply
    avatar
    dinoceros
    Member

    I agree about being honest, but I think being truly honest and not making excuses. If it were me, I’d tell her that I am not interested in sleeping over and that I find it to be an odd request. Then I’d ask why she keeps inviting me.

    Did you previously stay over? I’m having trouble understanding why she’d even ask to begin with.

    #811110 Reply
    avatar
    JD

    It’s for sure weird. I can say as an adult the only time I ever spent the night at a girlfriends house was if I planned to since it wasn’t all that close to home, if we weee going out for drinks and they lived maybe right by the place (knowing we were going to have more than a few) or perhaps a random, once a year, Pj and face mask party, which is pretty rare but once in a while happens.

    #811113 Reply
    avatar
    anonymousse
    Member

    This is super weird. Just tell her you prefer your own home and that you do not sleep well at her place. I would never stay there overnight again. Creepy!

    #811115 Reply
    avatar
    Northern Star

    I don’t sleep over at my local friends’ houses. It would make me very uncomfortable if they tried to get me to and didn’t take “no” for an answer.

    You don’t need an excuse. I understand you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but don’t try and placate her if you flat-out don’t want to sleep over frequently. It’s a bizarre and unreasonable request. Treat it as such. “No, I’m not going to sleep over.” Repeat. If she gets upset and her husband is hostile, you don’t have to go over to her house at all anymore.

    #811117 Reply
    avatar
    Kate

    Is it possible she’s being abused??

    #811118 Reply
    avatar
    anonymousse
    Member

    Have you ever asked her WHY she wants you there?
    I thought abuse, too. But the husband seems to want her there as well.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 23 total)
Reply To: How to deal with a clingy friend?
Your information:




Comments on this entry are closed.