January 21, 2018 at 7:09 pm #736415
I’ve always lacked trust in my friendships due to always being involved in friendship triangles that usually end in the 2 people blocking me out and then making fun of me. I have a current friendship where my 2 friends who got to know each other due to me being friends with both of them have been getting closer without me and have been hanging out a lot. Me, being a social wreck, have found it really hard to include myself in anything and I’m so worried that they’re going to block me out because they’re my only friends and they’re in a lot of my classes. I know they judge me and call me weird all of the time,and my sister thinks that they’re dodgy and not real friends. I’m really not sure whether to stop hanging out with them slowly to prevent the emotional pain of them leaving me and to stop them winding me up or to try and include myself (although I know I’m going to fail miserably with my terrible social skills :/) and find a way to fit into the friendship again. Please help, this has been on my mind for a good month and I still haven’t come to a decision, I really need to fix this!
Also, recently they went on a trip which I couldn’t go to, and I’m so worried that they bonded a lot during the trip. I’m a petty worrier so this is causing me a lot of stress and I really don’t know how to deal with this.
I want to be happy for them and I understand that you’re allowed more than one friend but I’m so scared of them abandoning me. I love my alone time but school would be so much harder with the awkward tension and the lack of partners for anything and I’m already really timid and shy, so idk what to do! Please help!January 21, 2018 at 9:06 pm #736418
You are going through the same situation I went through when I was 17. The mistake.i did was I eventually left my two friends and made new friends (distanced) and kinda regretted the fact I did not fight harder to maintain my current friendship. Life is hard and believe me lonelioness is even worse. Loneliness is evil and can cause further problems in your life.
My advice is:
talk more to your current friends and others.
Be more willing to observe them and see their interest. As you know them quite well this should be easy.
Don’t be afraid of discussing this with them. Try it please
P.s. life is too short to be lonely.January 21, 2018 at 10:09 pm #736419
Foster friendships one on one. Ask a friend out for coffee to catch up. Have a spa day – whatever. Be proactive. Having multiple friends that like each other is usually a good thing.
I know they judge me and call me weird all of the time
This is the real problem. Are these women not nice to you? Then they aren’t friends. Your sister is right. Find other friends. Nicer ones. Get involved in things you are interested in so you meet like minded people. Go to meet ups. Be friendly in your classes. These aren’t the only two girls in the world. And if they aren’t nice to you, forget them.January 23, 2018 at 4:18 pm #736541
It seems like you are worrying too much. I agree with the advice of cultivating 1:1 friendships. I went through the same thing when I was young and I wish I spent more time worrying about being a good friend then worry about what happened behind my back. Maybe these two girls will have a tiff, if you are friends with each separately it will be harder to be drawn into the middle.
How do you know they call you weird? To your face? If so, drop them and find new friends.January 24, 2018 at 11:18 am #736594
One thing to do is to cultivate more friendships so that you aren’t constantly worried about losing the ones you have. Take part in activities and see who has the same interests and is fun to be around and then ask them if they would like to do something. An example from my daughter. She takes part in drama club and theater. This week is tech week for a high school show. School gets out at 2:30 and rehearsal begins at 4:00. She goes to a local coffee shop after school with her best friends that are also involved in the show and they hang out until time to go to rehearsal. After the show is over on Friday night the entire cast and crew will go out to dinner together at a local restaurant. Look for activities where you will automatically be included in the social events that surround that activity.
Consider whether your current friends are worth keeping. Are they nice to you? Are they fun? Do they make your life better or worse? If you want to keep them try inviting them to do things. Sometimes invite one or the other and sometimes invite both. What common interests do you have that they would like to do with you? Go with those. Instead of thinking about them spending time together think about what you can invite them to do with you. You build the relationships by being actively involved in them. If there are other kids who might also like what you want to do consider inviting some of them to come along also. That’s how you grow a friend group.
Show an active interest in your friends. Ask them about the things that they are doing. Compliment them on their successes. Commiserate on their failures.