Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How to figure out if she's interested in me.

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  • #854862 Reply

    Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I’ve never actually sought advice online before.

    So, this girl (29 F) and I (42 M) both started working at our job (nurses) about 7 months ago and I’m trying to figure out if she has a crush on me. Before anyone says anything about coworkers dating, there are several couples at our job who met on the job, so our employer doesn’t have a problem with it. I don’t know if it matters but she’s from India and I’m white as white can be.

    From the moment we started working, I’d notice her looking at me when she thought I wasn’t looking and whenever she’d catch me seeing her, she smiles. She still does this, as soon as I walk in, I get a big smile, and sometimes she does this little coy smile and looks me up and down. Over the course of the past few months, we’ve become close, not super close but closer than we’ve gotten to other coworkers. We talk about a lot of stuff and she’s always actively seeking me out whenever her assignment is slow. I haven’t noticed her do this with any other coworkers. I don’t always do the same as I’m trying to get to know other coworkers as well.

    Other things she does include:

    – Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we’re standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.

    – Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting – nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.

    – I forgot how it came up, but she’s hinted that she doesn’t think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said “you’re just a kid,” and she said something like “you’re over 40 but you don’t act it, so we’re even.”

    – Anytime I mention an opinion that’s different to hers, she’ll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine – this doesn’t matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.

    There’s more I could elaborate on, but I had a long shift so I feel like this post is becoming disjointed. If anyone needs anything clarified, please ask.

    My ex and I divorced about a year ago and I haven’t dated in years. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this or whether or not there’s something there.

    Thanks in advance

    #854870 Reply

    Oy vey. Do you want to go out with her?! Stop trying to read the tea leaves and just answer that question for yourself. Know what you want and go from there.

    If you want to go out with her, just see if she wants to get a pizza after work sometime. Don’t make it a big deal, just grab a bite alone together.

    #854876 Reply

    The way you find out if she’s interested in going out with you is to ask her out. I like FYI’s suggestion of pizza after work, or something casual like that.

    Analyzing every word and look and how close she’s standing gets you nowhere. You end up seeing what you want to see.

    Just ask her out.

    #854919 Reply

    Okay, for one thing, a 29 year old woman is not a girl.
    Is she single?

    Yes, it does sound like she’s a little flirty but you should just decide what you want. Do you want to date her? Do you want to date someone at work? That might be fine in your particular job, but it can go wrong. What if you aren’t a match and you break up? There’s more to consider than if your will lose your job. Weigh the options and then make a decision. A lot of people get little work crushes. Not everyone acts on it or wants more than that.

    And just ask her out for a coffee or something. That’s low key and casual, and something friends do so it’s not weird if she’s not that into you. Be respectful.

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