- August 23, 2019 at 1:00 pm #850844yorky1234Member
I know it’s difficult, but you can’t start that next chapter of your own life with him still there. Maybe speak with him about it- I highly doubt he’d be surprised given that you’re no longer together. Agree on a time scale, for example you have 1-2 months to find somewhere else, even offer to help in the search.
Think of yourself and what’s best for you! 🙂August 23, 2019 at 1:16 pm #850846Prognosti-gatorMember
IANAL – so you should check with one. There may be specific timelines you need to follow around eviction proceedings, so it may not just be as simple as “we’ve broken up, you need to get out now”.August 23, 2019 at 2:56 pm #850854SkyblossomParticipant
There’s nothing wrong with her buying a large house for herself. It’s just that most of us think about how much work it is to clean a house that is mostly unused and to maintain a yard that is mostly unused. If her family promotes the idea that the way to get ahead is to buy a big house in the country that’s fine. We may not understand their reasoning but that’s okay. We don’t need to understand.
The problem with their world view is that she ends up feeling guilty about asking an ex boyfriend to move out as if it is her responsibility to provide him free or cheap housing until he can afford a house of his own. The problem isn’t that she is finding a way to invest her money but that she doesn’t feel free to break up with a grown man she feels she needs to treat as a dependent and that she would be cruel if she forced him to be self-supporting.August 28, 2019 at 6:42 pm #851167NicoleGuest
Yeah, he needs to move on. Give him two months. If he needs to find a part time job, to pay for a cheap room for rent, then that is what he needs to do. He is an adult now and needs to grow up and start having life experiences as an adult.August 29, 2019 at 6:46 am #851185AllornoneGuest
I don’t take issue with her buying a large house. If she can do it, which it seems she can, that’s great, absolutely nothing wrong with it. I also think it’s good of her that she’s so concerned about him. What I take issue with is her attitude against renting and her belief that it’s foolish to do so. Some people, like her boyfriend it looks like, have no choice. Sure it’s not an investment like a house can be, but she’s acting like it’s some grievous sin, some horrible nightmare mistake that no one should be subjected to. That screams of snobbery and entitlement. Renting is a perfectly fine living situation, especially if that’s all you can afford.August 29, 2019 at 10:20 am #851204SkyblossomParticipant
OP Your biggest problem will be that you will be preyed on by people who realize they can use you for free or cheap housing. I doubt your boyfriend went into this relationship with that idea but he is certainly sticking around long after the relationship is over and the free/cheap housing is probably one big reason.
It is nice to help people. At the same time you have to be careful that you aren’t being used and taken advantage of in your kindness. If you and your boyfriend had broken up when your relationship appeared to end you would be free to date someone else. You providing housing for your boyfriend, who should be your ex boyfriend, has become detrimental to your well being. You are the only one who is going to take care of you. It is okay to move your boyfriend out. It is even good to move him out. You deserve to move on from a relationship that has ended in every way but officially. He needs to be a functioning adult. You did a good thing. You helped him out for a few years. That’s more than most people get. You can move on with no guilt and no remorse.
In the future ask yourself if what you are doing to help someone is helping or harming your own life. If you are harming your own life you need to draw a line that protects you and your family. You are at the point of harming your own life. Draw a line. Break up and move him out. You don’t owe him cheap rent. Dating someone does not create an obligation to support them beyond the natural end of the relationship.