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How To Negotiate Successfully

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This topic contains 120 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by avatar Kate 5 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 121 total)
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  • #815175 Reply
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    Charlie

    If I said boyfriend, people who assume I was dating a different person. Ex-fiancee is their frame of reference. I am embarrassed so he and I no longer appear together in public except for two rare instances.

    #815176 Reply
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    JD

    You don’t even go out in public so wtf are you holding onto? And to be embarrassed about that? I mean grow up and own your decisions. You chose to stay with someone after the wedding was called off. You shouldn’t have done so if that would cause you embarrassment.

    #815177 Reply
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    JD

    Not to say staying with someone in this circumstance is wrong, it can be fine, but don’t stay if you’re embarassed and unhappy. Why any person needs that explained to them is beyond my comprehension.

    #815178 Reply
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    DOL6

    As someone who ended an engagement as a result of knowing the other party was not in it 100%, I can tell you there is NOTHING you can do to get someone to give you the commitment you deserve. And even when you walk away and they come chasing after (which didn’t happen for you), why would you go back to someone who clearly can’t be all in through thick and thin.

    Also, I strongly suspect that your son senses your anxiety and instability about the relationship and it makes him act out.

    Get stable on your own and your son will feel that. He’s worried everything is going to fall apart because you are too. Stop needing your “ex-fiance” and put your son first.

    #815180 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Yeah, each update makes this situation seem sadder and sadder.

    Stop focusing on how to change your boyfriend’s mind about you and start focusing on being the best parent you can be to your son! I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but it sounds like you need the help of a professional of sorts if every day is a nonstop screaming match. And no doubt, moving you and your son in with the man who called off your wedding won’t help whatever it is that’s going on.

    And you’re embarrassed of your relationship and no longer go out in public together. Why do you event want to marry this person? This doesn’t sound like a happy or fulfilling relationship at all!

    And, I mean, I haven’t experienced what you’re going through. It sounds difficult and I’m sorry for that. But if your wedding was called off in April and you started living together in June, it doesn’t sound like you gave building a new life for yourself much of a shot. You need to figure out how to move out and on, even if it’s difficult. It’s going to take longer than the month you gave it.

    #815181 Reply

    Is your son screaming? You screaming at your son?

    This man doesn’t want to marry you. He’s not going to. I can’t see how it has anything to do with your son, considering that you’re all living together again.

    If you and your son are screaming at each other constantly, you need a counselor or a therapist to help you both communicate better. This isn’t healthy.

    Getting married sounds like the very least of the problems that you have.

    #815182 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    I think you should worry more about your fucking kid — to be blunt. (And perfectly honest.) Whatever you are doing there… clearly, it is NOT working. At all. That shiuld be your focus. And not just for 3.5 years… That last line smacks of a real shitty attitude on Your part.

    #815183 Reply
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    ron

    I read it as the son does the screaming, in which the kid is seriously mentally ill and that problem isn’t going away when he turns 18.

    You say you tried to move away and it didn’t work. Why? You have to try extremely hard to make it work, because you have put yourself in an impossible position by returning You can’t even bear to be seen in public with the guy? So, it sounds like you need him for a roof over your head and food in your and kid’s mouths.

    #815184 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    What does “negotiate” mean in this situation? That you beg until he agrees to marry you out of pity or exhaustion? How is that a good thing? Do you really think that’s an example you should be setting for your son?

    This situation is a giant mess, and you need to get out of it and get your son out of it. Move out and get a place for just the two of you. Forget this guy. He doesn’t want to marry you, and if he can’t handle the situation with your son, he’s going to leave anyway. It’s just a matter of time.

    It’s time to get your head out of your ass and focus on your son. He needs your full attention.

    #815188 Reply
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    Northern Star

    “My kid is 14 now. He is no walk in the park. My day begins with screaming and ends with screaming and I thought things would magically get better after marriage. There’s no cure for it. It’s hell and chaos but he and I have weathered it okay so far. We only have 3.5 years left.”

    Wow. Just, wow. So, it’s you and your ex-fiance against your kid, huh? You only have to endure him for another 3.5 years, and then you can legally boot him out and never have to see him again?

    I really pity your son. You, not so much anymore.

    #815195 Reply

    +1 focus on your son, and forget about this guy.
    Your son needs help, and that is your responsibility as a parent.

    #815196 Reply

    Wow lady. Only 3.5 years left, huh? Can’t imagine why your son screams at you. Maybe because you can’t even pretend to want him around and you’re living with some guy who doesn’t want him either? That poor kid.

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