Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How to relax re engagement

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This topic contains 66 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 5 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 7 posts - 61 through 67 (of 67 total)
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  • #837035 Reply

    Don’t move in with him. And I agree it’s super easy for him to give you a ring and say he’ll marry you, and then make more and more excuses and drag it out for years.

    Also, don’t let this happen:

    https://dearwendy.com/topic/i-told-him-i-wouldnt-move-in-with-him-before-marriage-but-i-did-and-now-he-wont-discuss-marriage/

    #837042 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I guess I don’t see this as cold feet or stalling on his part. They’re moving in together. He’s bought a ring. I don’t think that he’s stalling. He just wants to do some kind of dumbassed playing-the-lute-in-a-canoe-proposal.

    #837043 Reply
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    Fyodor

    And JD, your spouse may have been fired up to get engaged but people sometimes have different time frames for these things and it doesn’t mean that he’s stalling or jerking her around. I don’t see any indication that he’s been reluctant to commit. If anything it sounds like HE wanted to move in together and that’s what prompted her to want to get engaged, which he wants to do with some kind of stupid romantic gesture.

    #837050 Reply
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    wannab

    @anonymousse I can’t believe i didn’t comment on that thread! I wonder if reading was what spurred me to post/reconfirmed my stance… Although if someone wanted to write a movie about our love affair, it would probably be quite dull in comparison to their special love!

    We have chatted through all the “things to discuss before moving in/getting married” posts that Wendy has provided and we are in agreement about those things.

    @fyodor – if i could get him to play the lute, i think i could wait for the canoe proposal!!

    He does seem excited about the living in the same house and in general, isn’t as into worrying about details/planning as i am.

    #837051 Reply
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    Ange

    I guess I just don’t understand why if he wants that commitment just as much as OP he’s not doing it? Especially if he knows it’s causing her anxiety and unhappiness. If he wants to be with her and marry her there’s no need for a hold up, especially since OP doesn’t particularly care about the elaborate proposal.

    #837416 Reply
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    wannab

    So the talk was had – a moving date is set with the plan to be engaged before then. Now that there is a definite date and somewhat of a plan, i am feeling more relaxed. The same way i had an idea of how things should go down, so did he but he recognized his hang up about waiting until summer wasn’t about not wanting to move forward and that he could let that idea go. I joked about being the proposer and he said he’s come around on that idea so i may just go ahead and do it! We also joked about trying to out-propose each other which could lead to some hilarity. Cannot wait to tease him the first time we take the canoe out this summer….

    Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and cautions. It really came down to taking the time to talk things through in more relaxed way.

    #837465 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    That is an awesome update. Mazel tov!

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