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How To Stop Being Overly Emotional?

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  • #873815 Reply
    avatarTondeiruX
    Member

    I’m on the verge of losing a hig school friend (or maybe I have already, seeing how he won’t currently respond to my messages…), and he mentioned in a recent conversation that I keep acting overly emotional in a negative way, a lot. I mostly get like this when a friend or someone says something that upsets me or makes me jealous. And now that I think about it, I’ve been overly emotional with a lot of previous friends, more particularly online friends since I barely had real-friends. They all left me at some point, most likely because of my emotions. And I’m pretty sure that’s why my most recent ex cheated on me…

    So how can I stop being overly emotional? I’m really upset and frustrated with myself for pushing others away with my emotions, and I really don’t want to lose my future friends (if I’ll even have any…).

    #873817 Reply
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Being overly emotional caused him to cheat?

    Um, no.

    It’s a good thing to be able to have some control over your emotions so you aren’t flying off the handle.

    But people cheat because they’re crappy people, not because you’re emotional.

    #873818 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    What do you mean you get overly emotional? Like you freak out and yell at people? You cry? You confront people in an aggressive way?

    It’s easy to blame yourself when you’re in a low mood. If you know you’re antagonistic, that is definitely worth reflection. Being able to control your emotions -at least your reactions to your emotions- is a good life skill to have, and one you should work on if you feel it’s out of control. Would you want to be friends with yourself? Think about the way you treat people.
    Work harder to be a better friend.

    I wouldn’t worry or think too hard about losing online-only friends. It’s probably nothing to do with you (unless you did any of the above) and more to do with the fact that people generally prefer real life, in person relationships. Stop relying on online-only friendships and cultivate IRL friendships.

    And yes, if you are aggressive, that will push people away. That’s not to blame for someone cheating on you. Generally, if you’re a cruel or mean person, people feel less bad about treating you badly. Exercise self control and don’t take your emotions out on other people.

    #873846 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    I’m curious what being overly emotional looks like for you. Its exhausting when someone makes you responsible for their emotions. If you’re feeling jealous or offended and you make a friend talk you down or placate you every time, you probably will eventually lose that friendship. You manage your emotions and everyone else is in charge of their’s. It’s ok to be emotional, just don’t make it someone else’s problem

    #873866 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Yeah, I think some examples are required to give real advice. A lot of women are told they are “too emotional” when they show any kind of emotion at all, but there does seem to be a pattern here.

    #873890 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    However if you are blaming your emotions on your friends actions – that may be too much for anyone. Now, obviously there are exceptions where one person deliberately does something that hurts the other – like cheating or gossiping to others. However, if for example someone doesn’t call you and you find out they went out with some other folks – are you crying and telling them how much it hurt you because they didn’t call you? That’s over the top.

    If you are blaming them and saying that benign actions are making you miserable “you should have known I don’t like green peppers on pizza – you don’t know me at aaaaalllll” then yeah, that’s exhausting on both sides of that nonsense.

    Here’s the thing – most people don’t spend that much time thinking about you. Really. 99% of the time they are not doing things to you – they are just doing things. 99% of the time, they are just trying to make it through the day and when you demand that they cater to your insecurities or emotional needs, at the cost of their own happiness – they are going to move on.

    So how do you deal with it – remember that everyone has their shit. The less pleasant it is to be around you, the less people want to be around you. If you make spending time with you work – well work isn’t fun. It’s exhausting. I can’t tell you how to stop caring. But I can tell you that YOU have a lot of power to be empathetic and remember that in this life very few people are going to go out of their way to make your life harder. So if someone makes your life harder – it likely wasn’t deliberate.

    #874545 Reply
    avatarmellanthe
    Participant

    First of all, you need to reflect on whether your reactions are proportional – other people (like here, where it;s all anonymous) might be able to let you know if your reation was average, or perhaps a little OTT or a lot OTT. Because sometimes women are called overly emotional for having any emotions or voicing any opinions. Just because someone tells you you’re emotional, don’t just accept it as gospel. Think for yourself over how you reacted and why that happened.

    And sometimes all of us might overreact a little because of things (for example, we’re stressed or feeling insecure about soemthing etc)

    You need to reflect on the reason behind your feelings. The feelings behind the feelings are important.

    What kinds of things set you off to make you feel upset?

    What kinds of thing set you off and made you feel jealous? Why? For example, we may feel jealous if it looks like a friend is prioritising other friends, or leaving us out. That’s what needs to be addressed, and that’s where we need to b reassured.

    If you really are reacting a lot more than usual, it’s worth cosidering what you can do – there are books for CBT and things that can help us change our thought patterns. Have you considered whether you may have thought processes that make you more ’emotional’ than others? For example, I’m rather anxious. Some people have anxiety, others have depression, others might have personality disorders or other issues that need addressing for them to process their emotions in a healthier way.

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