- August 16, 2019 at 6:39 pm #850434
Hi everyone. Thank you for listening. I am dealing with a lot in my life right now. Well I have been for the last 6 months. I have been in an on again off again relationship that I seem to cant break free of. It seems to be something I think about all the time. I have been on an array of different medications, and have been absent from work so much. I cant seem to figure out how to make myself happy. When I was off of all medication, I had a sense of accomplishment and pride, then insomia kicked in, and the constant on again off again relationship has been always present. I dont know how to make myself happy. I dont really know the things I enjoy. I need help and I dont know who to turn too. I have tried counseling, I guess I could try more. But it would be helpful to hear if anyone out there in their mid 20s has experienced the type of hardships I am facing.. and if they got through it, and how they are in their adult lives now.August 16, 2019 at 6:50 pm #850435
Yeah, I went through some stuff like that. I had an on again off again relationship for *8 years* from 27-35, and I also had this back-burner guy. I had some bad insomnia in there too, and one day my boss sat me down for a come-to-Jesus.
Well guess what? When I finally got free of both those relationships, first the background guy and then later the primary guy, I didn’t have the scary insomnia anymore (though I’ll never be a great sleeper), and I didn’t feel depressed and crazy. I did things I wanted to do, treated myself really well, got plenty of sleep, and after a while I met a great guy and got married.
What are you on for meds? Valium and stuff can be great to help you sleep, but it’s super addictive and kinda dangerous. Ambien is fucked up. The best cure for insomnia honestly is to Marie Kondo the bad shit out of your life. I’m telling you, you need to do it. This relationship will never get better.August 16, 2019 at 7:04 pm #850437
PS I just noticed the title of this. What you should NOT do is try to make yourself think positively about this “relationship” and convince yourself it’ll be okay. It won’t. Ditch it and then think positive thoughts about *yourself*.August 16, 2019 at 7:23 pm #850438
I agree with everything Kate has said.
I’m going through something similar in terms of the inability to think positively right now. I’m in a constant battle to push negative thoughts out of my mind – largely due to a lot of recent events that have knocked me sideways.
But the answer really is everything Kate has said – you will think positively when you have an honest look at yourself and your choices and do positive things for yourself. It really does help your self esteem, pride and belief that things will soon improve. Don’t lie to yourself that something is good when you know deep down it isn’t.
Sorry you are going through this and I hope it improves for you xxAugust 16, 2019 at 7:43 pm #850439
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
I’m not saying this on-off guy is an asshole (how would I know?). But I believe your thinking will clear up immensely if you stop trying to make something work that doesn’t work.
Then, get really good at something, anything — sewing, running, beautician school, French, gardening, yoga, fantasy football, writing, roller derby, whatever. You can’t think your way out of it. Get good at something.August 16, 2019 at 8:46 pm #850440
I agree that the on again off again relationship needs to go. Stop trying to make yourself happy. Just treat yourself well for now. Take care of yourself like you’ve been sick or something. Sleep well, eat healthy, exercise regularly even if it’s just going for a walk. Be good to yourself. Keep seeing a counselor. Other than work, avoid people and things that drain you.
Why are you on so many medications?
And yes, I had crappy relationships and insomnia for years in my twenties. When I started prioritizing myself, things started changing for the better. I only spent time with people that added something good to my life. I stopped seeing assholes. I started sleeping somewhat better. Now I take an over the counter sleep aid and melatonin every night.August 16, 2019 at 9:22 pm #850442
Thank you very much for your advice. I have had a hard time cutting him out because he is much older than me, and seems to always want what is best for me. He encourages me, but it has gotten to the point that all we talk about are my problems, and I think that is creating the turmoil to some degree in my life. I have broken up with him countless times, and when I go running back it makes me feel bad about myself like I am not in control of my life.August 16, 2019 at 10:10 pm #850443
The two things that struck me here are he’s much older than you, and the constant discussing your issues gives you turmoil.
Please cut him off, block his number, delete. Don’t go running back. Stop the cycle. Discuss your issues with a therapist or a counselor. I don’t think he does want what’s best for you. I think somewhere inside you know that, hence the reaction when you go back to him.August 16, 2019 at 10:35 pm #850444
You can’t think positively when you have a bad relationship messing up your head. It’s not possible.
It needs to stop. You know it needs to stop. You’re never going to be happy while he’s in your life. That business about “he wants what’s best for me” is absolute nonsense, and you know that too. If he did want what’s best for you, he would have broken up with you himself.
Stop choosing to go back to him. Choose a better path for yourself.August 16, 2019 at 10:39 pm #850445
My confidence feels so shot. And I have had so many problems in life especially since going off of my ADHD medication. I got off of it because I did not use it responsibly. But now I feel like my confidence is so low. Our whole relationship revolves around me complaining about my problems, and him offering solutions/ support & encouragment. And the cycle continues. It has been like this for 4 months. I have a weird anxiety about not having someone in my life to catch me if I fall. But it seems like I have been down for the last 4 months. I havent seen him in going on 3 weeks. I secretly wish he would get sick of me breaking it off with him and then coming back, but he is always there. I feel like my life is stagnent. And I dont feel strong enough to cut him off completely. But when will I be strong enough. I want to feel better. And I dont know if the majority of how I am feeling is the relationship. Has anyone else felt completely controlled by someone in this sense?August 16, 2019 at 10:50 pm #850446
No, I’m not a fan of letting other people run my life, so I’ve never been in that situation.
But I don’t know that I’d call him controlling, because you’re the one who keeps making the choice to go back. You’re willingly giving him control. You don’t feel capable of standing on your own feet, so you want someone to take care of you and tell you what to do.
You should find a good therapist and work with them to build up your self-esteem.
I’ll also add that stopping medication on your own is a really, really bad idea. Lots of medications can really mess you up when you stop them abruptly. You should go back to the doctor who prescribed the medication and talk to them about your desire to stop taking it.August 17, 2019 at 5:11 am #850448
I feel like you need to see a doctor. Or make an appointment at a neuropsych practice. You stopped taking a med and it sounds like you’re on some other meds, and it’s all messing you up. Is someone actually prescribing and working with you on these meds, or no? It sounds like you need help. Even if you have kind of basic state insurance, you can make appointments for this stuff. I’ve been making appointments for my brother and seeing what’s available on his insurance plan, which is just basic MassHealth.
And with your guy, it sounds like an unhealthy “caretaker / wounded bird” dynamic. I do think you should be talking to someone about that. Maybe the best thing is therapy with someone who can also help you with your meds. I don’t know, but you definitely need help with both the meds and seeing this relationship more clearly.